For most people, the day after Thanksgiving is a time of celebration. Not Thanksgiving itself. A time where families come together and wait for hours for some box store chain to open. A time for great deals and huge sales within the confines of those box store chains.
I think people spend more time waiting for Black Friday than they do the day before it. Do you know why we eat so much on Thanksgiving? So we're good and full when we wander from our homes and go shopping at 4:00 AM.
I say that retailers live up to the name of "Black Friday" and reverse the logic. Instead of super buys today, why not jack up the prices to an obscene amount so that NO ONE comes out to buy your shit? That way you can stay closed and families can stay at home with one another and enjoy each others' company.
Better yet, offer these wonderful bargains EVERY DAY so that we don't come off like a bunch of savage sheep breaking down doors and killing one another over crap that we don't really need.
Black Friday makes me angry because it's a constant reminder of what I could have got for a real cheap price had I not already owned it. Goddammit. They should just give out Black Friday rain checks. Whether the item is in stock or not, just give me a damn slip saying that I can get the same low price when I come back to shop in June, how's that?
Black Friday. What a bunch of horseshit.
Wow, I sound bitter.
Maybe because I'm broke.
If I had the vast amounts of cash, I wouldn't mind fighting the traffic, the crazed shoppers, the long lines, the out-of-stock items, the crying/screaming children, the "batteries not included"...
Wait, wait, wait...
You see? That's all it took. All it took was me reminding myself of what it's like out there *points out front window* right now. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I'm not out there. A big ol' sigh of relief that also oozes a "Thank GOD!" with an accompanying eye roll.
I'm living large this Black Friday in the warmth of my little apartment in Sugarhouse/Salt Lake. I'm basking in the peace and quiet of my cozy home whilst enjoying a freshly brewed cup of Starbucks French Roast coffee. Mmmmmmmm, that's good to the last drop right there.
Although, I must admit, embellishing what I'm missing is kind of making me miss it, in a way. It makes me somewhat lonely. I think Black Friday would be far more better if it were done with a partner in crime. A cohort. A significant other that can create just as much fun out of the chaos than I could.
You know what I would do? I would find the last of a popular item and grab it. I would work up a plan for my partner in crime to come up at the right time and try and get the item from me by offering me cash up front. But not before I was already in a bidding war with some other nutcase shopper wanting the last of the very item I hold.
Eventually, I'd make money off of said item (that I didn't even want in the first place) by selling it IN A STORE for PROFIT and CASH to the person wanting it because I happen to have the last one. Then I'd have cash money to go to the one place worth shopping at... the liquor store.
Okay, that was a total, random daydream in full effect. It's interesting how I've just tied together Black Friday with being alone with being involved within my own daydream that winds up at the liquor store. Nice work, Mike. You've got issues.
Well, no shit.
My original plan for Black Friday was to hang out at Starbucks and play on the internet ALL DAY while watching people come and go. I've done this very thing during Black Fridays of years past. It's really entertaining. Plus, you meet some nice people who just stop to talk and take a break from their significant others' spending the mortgage money on a new, low priced LCD TV.
I was going to do this year's Black Friday coffee drinking and blog writing at the Starbucks on 2100 South and 700 East. This is a very popular Starbucks since it's right at the core of two major roads that link to a variety of stores in the area. Plus, it also features some of the hottest women getting their coffee at this location.
Another good Starbucks for slobbering all over yourself looking at sexy ass is the Starbucks on 400 South off of 700 East. This one is good because of the University of Utah college ladies. For a fine selection of white trash and soccer mom ass watching, the Starbucks on 5600 West just off of 3100 South is great! I should know, I used to hang out there A LOT.
Now that I think about it, Utah does have some of the hottest women on the planet. However, a lot of the women are cut from the same cloth and look the same, ya know? Many of them just have that look of Mormon about them with cute straight smiles, blond hair, blue eyes and perky attitudes.
It's the Village of the Really Hot Damned.
Regardless, still hot. But if you want an exotic mix of the loveliest, prettiest, sexiest and hottest women wandering about, try the Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix, Arizona. Another good one is the McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, Nevada. Every time I have a layover in Phoenix, I'm boarding my next flight with an erection.
I was once asked to take to bulging luggage hidden in my pants out and place it in one of the overhead bins. When I explained to the flight attendant that it was just a visible erection, she asked me to extinguish it because there is no smoking on commercial flights.
*drum roll, cymbal crash* THANK YOU! THANK YOU!
Okay, that was just damn funny. I guess the coffee is finally kicking in.
My point about all of this is that I now have internet at home and I don't really ever need to leave my house. No more going to Alchemy Coffee. No more going to Starbucks Coffee. Instead, I can be a happy shut-in thanks to Cricket Wireless.
And therein lies the irony about this whole thing.
For those of you that follow my blogs, you know that I vowed NEVER to go back to Cricket Wireless again. I got so angry at that company that when a competitor popped up, I immediately switched to their service. I was so happy to see Cricket getting some legitimate competition.
Back in March or April, I switched to Boost Mobile. Boost had been making a huge advertising push promoting their service and features for a mere 50 bucks a month. No hidden fees. No contracts. They offered the same service and features plus MORE than what I was getting from Cricket. Plus, the fact that Boost is a sub-division of Sprint, I figured I couldn't go wrong. ANYTHING had to be better than what I was suffering at Cricket.
But I have to point out that it wasn't the service of Cricket I had a problem with. Well, it was in the end. But overall, it wasn't. It was the poor CUSTOMER service that was the last straw for me. Last year at this same time, I had invested in this new USB broadband thing that Cricket had launched. I was exactly what I needed and wanted.
To make a long story short, it didn't work. And I was treated so poorly by numerous customer service reps (in person and on the phone) that I just couldn't take it any more and had to be done with Cricket once and for all. And I had been a customer since 2002. Blogging about it now still reminds me of how pissed I was. That's how bitter I had become towards Cricket.
But...
I've come to realize that all cell phone companies are shit. They all have their good points and bad points. My good friend Tim Rainey said it best: "They all suck". That they do. But if I can find a happy ground and find suitable things that are good to take with the bad, I'll consider it. I'm all about trying to weight the options.
I went back to Cricket for two reasons.
1:) Boost Mobile has some of the worst coverage and cell phone service I've ever dealt with. Although when I went to San Diego this summer to see my buddy, Bill, I had no issues in making calls and sending texts. It worked like a dream.
However, here in my home calling area (especially IN MY HOME), I'm constantly losing calls and reception during calls. My text/picture messages don't seem to get where they're going. When they do get to the person I'm sending it to, it's almost a DAY later. It's sometimes the same when I receive text messages. My service also doesn't work with Twitter, I've come to find out. And God knows I need THAT! *rolls eyes*.
Boost Mobile does have very friendly customer service. I've had to call a couple of times with some issues and they couldn't be nicer. I also love their commercials which make me laugh. That's one of the big reasons I switched in the first place. If you haven't seen the commercial featuring two pigs eating a ham, Google it.
2:) Boost Mobile doesn't offer any type of external internet connection for your home/business. You do get mobile web via your phone included as part of the $50.00 unlimited fee. But since I just have a standard flip phone, using the internet on my phone doesn't interest me.
Even if I had a super-duper phone with all the bells & whistles and fold out screen or touch screen or whatever, I wouldn't care too much for it. I have a computer and want to use THIS for my internet usage. Not a tiny phone.
Because of these two issues (which are big selling points for me), I made the switch back to Cricket Wireless. This also meant I had to get ANOTHER new phone number. (This is like the 10th number I've had this year) And what sucks about that is that it's a (435) area code. I'm an (801) girl all the way. I might go into my local Cricket store and change the number just to get an (801) area code.
A selling point for Boost Mobile on this issue is that they don't charge you for a number change. Cricket Wireless does to the tune of $15.00. And the fact that I seem to change my number more than I do girlfriends, that can really add up.
With my switching back, I decided to also get a new phone. I didn't get anything fancy, mind you. I just bought some no-name flip phone. It's actually pretty nice for being so cheap. I also ordered the USB broadband, again. I did every thing online, too. I saved a bundle doing it this way. Plus, I still get a $50.00 rebate for my purchases when I mail in the information that came with my online order.
I dreaded ordering the USB broadband, cyber friends and readers. I really did. It was such a nightmare the last time that it took every ounce of my being to regain any faith and try it again. But my mom brought up an excellent point. She observed that now that I have a brand new computer, perhaps it would work this time around.
And you know what? She was right.
I placed my order early last Saturday morning with a salesperson named Christy using the LiveChat feature on the Cricket Wireless website. She answered all my questions and addressed my concerns. I took the plunge and ordered service, the new phone and the new USB broadband stick.
By Monday afternoon, I had my new phone and USB broadband stick. I had it sent to my work as to avoid any issues with it somehow disappearing. It arrived FedEx and I couldn't wait to get it home and give it a whirl.
I followed the simple instructions for the broadband and plugged it in. Within minutes, I was right here... on the internet... from the privacy of my couch. I was so elated with glee that I think I almost cried.
Then I activated and tried out my new phone. It, too, worked like a dream.
So far, Cricket has redeemed itself.
Well, except for that (435) area code bullshit. I could spin that and use it to my advantage by claiming I live in Park City. Whatever the case, I can now get back into the full swing of things by blogging my little heart out. No more having to pack up my crap and haul it to a coffee house or library. I have the freedom to sit and type, type, type right here and surf the WWW Sea at my leisure.
My Black Friday is a Happy Friday.
-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing
11.27.2009
11.15.2009
Friday The 13th: Attack Of The Killer Window Film
Sounds like a title to a most excellent B-movie, right? A fun and wild slasher/scare picture loaded with bad acting, continuity and gaffe issues. A movie that is sure to win at least one 2010 Razzie Award. Most likely (and hopefully) the worst movie of 2010.
This scary tale starts in a simple envelope production plant. As we fade in and push into our location, we drift over to the warehouse portion of this manufacturing plant. We come upon a lone man operating a forklift and pulling bulk materials needed for the production floor.
Then, quite suddenly, there is a loud sound of a crack/snap that could only resemble wood splintering apart. Startled, the lone man on the warehouse floor looks up to find...
*cue dramatic stager*
ATTACK OF THE KILLER WINDOW FILM!
OH MY GOD! RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!
But first, lets look at the back story as to what in the hell I’m talking about here.
There are a variety of materials that fall under the control of the warehouse peeps at my place of employment. And since I’m a “warehouse peep”, I rule such materials with an iron fist! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Okay, Mike, chill out.
Aside from storing customer envelopes and bulk envelopes in our warehouse, we have just about everything in our department to produce envelopes. There is paper stock, glue, ink and window film.
What is window film?
Window film is the very thin, see-through layer of plastic that you see with your standard window envelope. Ever get an envelope, say like a bill, where your name and address is visible through a small “window” in the bottom right corner of the envelope? In most cases, that window has window film.
Some companies just have the window and no film covering the window hole in the envelope. This makes your mail far more susceptible to cold and flu season. And you sure as hell don’t want to get mail that is coming down with something that it gained on it’s travels to your mailbox, do you?
That’s why you should demand from all places that send you mail to make sure that their envelopes with windows are protected by window film.
The window film also adds protection from envelopes trying to get it on with one another while in transit. The last thing you need is to be opening up your mailbox only to find that a couple of envelopes had unprotected sex and made baby envelopes.
Nothing like a 10x13 window catalog envelope with your 2010 insurance information showing up after being violated by a standard, non-window #10 envelope.
You pop open that mailbox and the 10x13 has given birth to a shitload of 6x9’s! Now you have to find something in which to accommodate all those baby envelopes. Luckily, since it is the Christmas holidays, mail out some greeting cards and whatnot.
Maybe a thank you card to your favorite blogger here?
Anyway...
The window film comes to us on big rolls contained in big boxes. They are stacked in rows of four about nine high. Usually each box contains 36 rolls of window film. The window film comes in different sizes, too. 6”, 5.75”, 5.50”, 5.25” and so on. The largest we carry is nine inches and the smallest is 3.25”, I think.
Regardless, it’s heavy and bulky. Especially when you get up into the larger sizes. We go through a lot of 5.00” and 5.25” window film. I’m constantly restocking this film on a weekly basis.
The way it works is that we keep one box of window film on the floor for the production people to grab as they need it. As the box becomes empty, I utilize our “Big Red” order picking forklift to pull out a new box of window film from the storage racks above to replenish the active stock on the floor.
I believe that a full box with 36 rolls of window film weighs roughly about 1500 pounds. I’m not quite sure of that estimation. Whatever it is, it’s weighty. One roll of 5.00” window film is probably 40 pounds or so.
The heaviest thing that I’ve had to move on occasion in our warehouse is glue. One drum of glue is 560 pounds and a real bitch to move around. We have to use a special hand truck just to get them from one place to another. I’ve had the misfortune of one of these giant drum of glue spilling on me, too. What a mess.
On Friday, I had placed a full pallet of window film (one pallet holds one box of window film) into the third rack of our window film storage area. The third rack is close to 30 feet up from the floor. Keep that in mind.
I like to think of myself as very careful when placing things into the storage racks. I do my best to make sure that the load I’m placing is straight and resting as best as I can get it on the steel framing of the racks as opposed to the wooden planks that are placed in between the racks for added support.
Except on Friday, something was amiss.
After I had placed this box of 5.00” window in the third tier storage rack, I lowered the forklift to the floor and proceeded to hop out so that I could pull some materials that were needed at one of the production machines.
As I pulled this material, I heard a distinct crack. A very loud, distinct crack. The kind of crack that only a wooden pallet would make if it was failing under it’s load. My eyes widened and I whipped around and looked up to where I just was placing the window film pallet.
Sure enough, the pallet wasn’t sitting just right in the rack. It’s was somewhat crooked and not resting correctly. The back end of the pallet was partially resting on the steel frame and partially resting on the wooden support planks.
One of the slats on the bottom of the pallet had cracked and made the weight of window film shift slightly to the back right corner of the pallet. As I turned around and saw that the pallet had broke, it got worse. I actually gasped and was about to run for cover.
Just as I had turned around and was able to see what had happened, the pallets weight shifting from the broken slat pushed into the wooden support plank below it. The support plank fell out and to the floor in front of me. The pallet then tipped and fell into the support beams of the racking.
I thought for sure that window film was going to take a nose dive right into the area where I was standing.
In a panic, I jumped into Big Red and quickly launched myself upward to try and stabilize the pallet. My concern wasn’t for me but for anyone coming into the area to get needed items for the production floor.
As I reached the pallet, I could see there was no way to get my forks into the pallet and lift it safely. The pallet was tipped at such an angle that I had no idea how the hell I was going to get it down without it falling. My only idea was to climb onto the racks and down-stack the pallet.
But I first had to notify my supervisor of the issue at hand.
I explained to my boss what had happened. He came over and tried to stabilize the pallet with no real success. Then we had the idea to use some of the planks from empty racks as additional lift on the forks of the forklift. It was a good effort but as he lifted the wooden planks on the forks underneath the broken window film pallet, the weight shifted again and popped the support plank from the other side of the damaged pallet.
What made it even worse was that when this happened, the weight shifting to the other side of this broken pallet pushed into the pallet of window film next to it. That, in turn, popped a support plank from THAT pallet of window film.
This caused the second pallet to tip into the first pallet. Now there were TWO full boxes of window film that were about to take a serious tumble 30 feet below and make a whole hell of a lot of ruckus.
Now I was worried and so was my boss. So we got my boss’s boss involved. We all agreed that the only was to fix the problem was to down-stack both pallets onto empty pallets to keep them from falling.
Guess who got to be the monkey?
I don’t mind heights. But I do mind trying to down-stack 40+ pound rolls of window film 30 feet up while trying to keep from falling. I had to grab a ladder for my boss so he could climb down from the Big Red order picking forklift. I grabbed another ladder to climb up to the top tier of the racks to down-stack the rolls of window film.
My boss came over with our standing forklift and raised up two empty pallets which I placed on either side of the dangling danger pallets. As I started to down-stack the more seriously damaged pallet that started all the fuss, the second pallet cracked and slipped just enough to almost make me wet my pants.
I had a brief moment of fear when I thought I was coming down with two full pallets of heavy ass window film. I even thought that maybe it would be safe to just say “fuck this” and get down from this asking-for-trouble mess.
But I was a trooper and kept going. I stopped working on the first pallet and moved to the second pallet. I tried to quickly move over the rolls of film to an empty pallet I had placed behind me. Once the pallet was light enough for me to lift, I moved it so that it was sitting firmly on the steel of the storage racks.
Then I moved back over to the first pallet and emptied it completely of it’s contents. By the time I was done, I was boiling hot and sweating like a pig. Crisis averted, though. I’d like to pat myself on the back and let it be known I saved the day. Not only did I not get seriously hurt, but I was able to save all the rolls of window film from any permanent damage.
I’m a hero in the envelope window film community. The funny thing is, I didn’t realize that it was Friday the 13th until after this chaotic event took place. And, to be honest, my day was downhill from there. A few other troublesome things happened but nothing too glamorous to report.
I haven’t had a real good work scare since I almost rolled my truck at Honey Bucket. Although, by comparison, I’d much rather deal with this pallet scare than that whole almost rolling my truck thing any day.
I have to pee. Excuse me.
-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing
This scary tale starts in a simple envelope production plant. As we fade in and push into our location, we drift over to the warehouse portion of this manufacturing plant. We come upon a lone man operating a forklift and pulling bulk materials needed for the production floor.
Then, quite suddenly, there is a loud sound of a crack/snap that could only resemble wood splintering apart. Startled, the lone man on the warehouse floor looks up to find...
*cue dramatic stager*
ATTACK OF THE KILLER WINDOW FILM!
OH MY GOD! RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!
But first, lets look at the back story as to what in the hell I’m talking about here.
There are a variety of materials that fall under the control of the warehouse peeps at my place of employment. And since I’m a “warehouse peep”, I rule such materials with an iron fist! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Okay, Mike, chill out.
Aside from storing customer envelopes and bulk envelopes in our warehouse, we have just about everything in our department to produce envelopes. There is paper stock, glue, ink and window film.
What is window film?
Window film is the very thin, see-through layer of plastic that you see with your standard window envelope. Ever get an envelope, say like a bill, where your name and address is visible through a small “window” in the bottom right corner of the envelope? In most cases, that window has window film.
Some companies just have the window and no film covering the window hole in the envelope. This makes your mail far more susceptible to cold and flu season. And you sure as hell don’t want to get mail that is coming down with something that it gained on it’s travels to your mailbox, do you?
That’s why you should demand from all places that send you mail to make sure that their envelopes with windows are protected by window film.
The window film also adds protection from envelopes trying to get it on with one another while in transit. The last thing you need is to be opening up your mailbox only to find that a couple of envelopes had unprotected sex and made baby envelopes.
Nothing like a 10x13 window catalog envelope with your 2010 insurance information showing up after being violated by a standard, non-window #10 envelope.
You pop open that mailbox and the 10x13 has given birth to a shitload of 6x9’s! Now you have to find something in which to accommodate all those baby envelopes. Luckily, since it is the Christmas holidays, mail out some greeting cards and whatnot.
Maybe a thank you card to your favorite blogger here?
Anyway...
The window film comes to us on big rolls contained in big boxes. They are stacked in rows of four about nine high. Usually each box contains 36 rolls of window film. The window film comes in different sizes, too. 6”, 5.75”, 5.50”, 5.25” and so on. The largest we carry is nine inches and the smallest is 3.25”, I think.
Regardless, it’s heavy and bulky. Especially when you get up into the larger sizes. We go through a lot of 5.00” and 5.25” window film. I’m constantly restocking this film on a weekly basis.
The way it works is that we keep one box of window film on the floor for the production people to grab as they need it. As the box becomes empty, I utilize our “Big Red” order picking forklift to pull out a new box of window film from the storage racks above to replenish the active stock on the floor.
I believe that a full box with 36 rolls of window film weighs roughly about 1500 pounds. I’m not quite sure of that estimation. Whatever it is, it’s weighty. One roll of 5.00” window film is probably 40 pounds or so.
The heaviest thing that I’ve had to move on occasion in our warehouse is glue. One drum of glue is 560 pounds and a real bitch to move around. We have to use a special hand truck just to get them from one place to another. I’ve had the misfortune of one of these giant drum of glue spilling on me, too. What a mess.
On Friday, I had placed a full pallet of window film (one pallet holds one box of window film) into the third rack of our window film storage area. The third rack is close to 30 feet up from the floor. Keep that in mind.
I like to think of myself as very careful when placing things into the storage racks. I do my best to make sure that the load I’m placing is straight and resting as best as I can get it on the steel framing of the racks as opposed to the wooden planks that are placed in between the racks for added support.
Except on Friday, something was amiss.
After I had placed this box of 5.00” window in the third tier storage rack, I lowered the forklift to the floor and proceeded to hop out so that I could pull some materials that were needed at one of the production machines.
As I pulled this material, I heard a distinct crack. A very loud, distinct crack. The kind of crack that only a wooden pallet would make if it was failing under it’s load. My eyes widened and I whipped around and looked up to where I just was placing the window film pallet.
Sure enough, the pallet wasn’t sitting just right in the rack. It’s was somewhat crooked and not resting correctly. The back end of the pallet was partially resting on the steel frame and partially resting on the wooden support planks.
One of the slats on the bottom of the pallet had cracked and made the weight of window film shift slightly to the back right corner of the pallet. As I turned around and saw that the pallet had broke, it got worse. I actually gasped and was about to run for cover.
Just as I had turned around and was able to see what had happened, the pallets weight shifting from the broken slat pushed into the wooden support plank below it. The support plank fell out and to the floor in front of me. The pallet then tipped and fell into the support beams of the racking.
I thought for sure that window film was going to take a nose dive right into the area where I was standing.
In a panic, I jumped into Big Red and quickly launched myself upward to try and stabilize the pallet. My concern wasn’t for me but for anyone coming into the area to get needed items for the production floor.
As I reached the pallet, I could see there was no way to get my forks into the pallet and lift it safely. The pallet was tipped at such an angle that I had no idea how the hell I was going to get it down without it falling. My only idea was to climb onto the racks and down-stack the pallet.
But I first had to notify my supervisor of the issue at hand.
I explained to my boss what had happened. He came over and tried to stabilize the pallet with no real success. Then we had the idea to use some of the planks from empty racks as additional lift on the forks of the forklift. It was a good effort but as he lifted the wooden planks on the forks underneath the broken window film pallet, the weight shifted again and popped the support plank from the other side of the damaged pallet.
What made it even worse was that when this happened, the weight shifting to the other side of this broken pallet pushed into the pallet of window film next to it. That, in turn, popped a support plank from THAT pallet of window film.
This caused the second pallet to tip into the first pallet. Now there were TWO full boxes of window film that were about to take a serious tumble 30 feet below and make a whole hell of a lot of ruckus.
Now I was worried and so was my boss. So we got my boss’s boss involved. We all agreed that the only was to fix the problem was to down-stack both pallets onto empty pallets to keep them from falling.
Guess who got to be the monkey?
I don’t mind heights. But I do mind trying to down-stack 40+ pound rolls of window film 30 feet up while trying to keep from falling. I had to grab a ladder for my boss so he could climb down from the Big Red order picking forklift. I grabbed another ladder to climb up to the top tier of the racks to down-stack the rolls of window film.
My boss came over with our standing forklift and raised up two empty pallets which I placed on either side of the dangling danger pallets. As I started to down-stack the more seriously damaged pallet that started all the fuss, the second pallet cracked and slipped just enough to almost make me wet my pants.
I had a brief moment of fear when I thought I was coming down with two full pallets of heavy ass window film. I even thought that maybe it would be safe to just say “fuck this” and get down from this asking-for-trouble mess.
But I was a trooper and kept going. I stopped working on the first pallet and moved to the second pallet. I tried to quickly move over the rolls of film to an empty pallet I had placed behind me. Once the pallet was light enough for me to lift, I moved it so that it was sitting firmly on the steel of the storage racks.
Then I moved back over to the first pallet and emptied it completely of it’s contents. By the time I was done, I was boiling hot and sweating like a pig. Crisis averted, though. I’d like to pat myself on the back and let it be known I saved the day. Not only did I not get seriously hurt, but I was able to save all the rolls of window film from any permanent damage.
I’m a hero in the envelope window film community. The funny thing is, I didn’t realize that it was Friday the 13th until after this chaotic event took place. And, to be honest, my day was downhill from there. A few other troublesome things happened but nothing too glamorous to report.
I haven’t had a real good work scare since I almost rolled my truck at Honey Bucket. Although, by comparison, I’d much rather deal with this pallet scare than that whole almost rolling my truck thing any day.
I have to pee. Excuse me.
-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing
11.07.2009
2010: In two years we all die
Since we all die in 2012, I wonder what excitement the next two years will bring? Personally, I don't believe in the whole 2012 hubbub. But I do believe that such hubbub will cause a great many people to panic. And in that panic will come some sort of temporary Apocalypse.
I'm all for it. That's how I roll. I'm a total cynic. I figure that since I spend a good majority of my time bitching and moaning, why not root for those crackpots and severely religious types to bring chaos and destruction, right? SURE! If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. Especially if it involves some sort of looting, pillaging and robbing those far more wealthier than I.
I realize that I could do any or all of that now but then it would involve jail time. And I don't want to be spending my last two years in the joint while others are out preparing for (and causing) the event known as 2012.
Is there anyway we can start the 2012 crisis now? I'm pretty impatient and would like some freakish events to come our way now. Oh wait, there is one thing that has come our way that is the beginning of 2012...
... H1N1.
Swine flu.
Or, as it originally became to be known, the Mexican Flu.
I was telling my boss at work a couple of days ago that I can't believe the amount of fervor over the swine flu and the vaccination for it. I suppose that if I had children, this wouldn't be so damn funny to me. But, I have to admit, that I think this whole thing is just damn silly.
But the more I think about it, the more I feel that there is something more to the H1N1 virus. And I wonder how many other people feel as I do? Last Sunday, "60 Minutes" did a follow-up report on a story they did regarding the swine flu.
The report was particularly interesting to me because they investigated more into how the vaccine is made. There is only ONE company that produces this vaccine in the United States. It's a French drug company. They have a THREE BILLION DOLLAR federal contract with the United States government to produce the H1N1 vaccine. Here is an excerpt from the 60 Minutes story by Scott Pelley:
Last summer, the government said there would be 120 million doses of vaccine by fall; weeks later, it revised that to 40 million. Now, just over 17 million have shipped - 14 percent of the first estimate.
Experts agree the government decoded the virus to prepare a vaccine in record time, a real achievement. But then the project hit snags.
The vaccine took longer than expected to produce, and there were shortages of supplies, like the sprayer for the FluMist version.
The H1N1 vaccine is being produced in a sprawling, $250 million facility in Swiftwater, Pa. Like other vaccines, the H1N1 virus is grown in chicken eggs, in an updated version of a process that has been around since World War II.
"Viruses are unique in that they require a living host to propagate. And the egg provides essentially a small, self-contained, sterile factory for the production of the vaccine," Sam Lee, director of manufacturing technology at French drug company Sanofi Pasteur, explained.
The plant has to be as clean as a hospital operating room. Pelley and the "60 Minutes" team put on clean suits and hairnets and passed through airlocks to reach the production line.
Five companies are making vaccine, but this is the only one in America.
"I see all these needles going into the top of the egg. Is that the virus going into the egg itself?" Pelley asked, observing the production process.
"There's the needle that comes down," Lee said. "The virus is then introduced directly to the egg. The eggs exit the machine. And are loaded onto carts. These carts are then wheeled into incubators, where they're environmentally controlled for temperature and humidity."
The virus grows in the eggs; later it is killed and refined into vaccine. The process takes three months. Most of that is testing for safety and sterility. Sanofi Pasteur has a federal contract to make 75 million doses. They will go through millions of eggs.
Asked if the farms producing the eggs are near the vaccine plant, Lee told Pelley, "Because of security reasons, I'm not at liberty to share specific, exact locations."
"These are secret egg farms?" Pelley asked.
"We don't want to reveal the location for security reasons," Lee said.
The farms in undisclosed locations are considered so important to national security, that among the first to get the vaccine were the egg farmers themselves. The egg program is one part of a $7 billion project launched five years ago by the Bush administration to build factories and infrastructure to make vaccine in case of a pandemic.
The official responsible for the vaccine program is Kathleen Sebelius, secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services.
At her national operations center, Secretary Sebelius was looking at figures for last week that were not encouraging. "We have just under 100 deaths, at this point, that have been confirmed H1N1 deaths. And they're on the rise," she said.
She told Pelley hospitalizations are on the rise and the epidemic is growing.
Sebelius told "60 Minutes" she learned there was trouble three weeks ago when the new virus wasn't growing inside the eggs as fast as seasonal flu virus does. Some companies were getting half their usual yield.
To learn more and watch the "60 Minutes" story for yourself, check out the following link:
"An Inside Look At H1N1 Vaccine Production"
After seeing this story, I started developing a conspiracy theory that I feel isn't too outlandish. Could it be possible that this H1N1 virus is not a flu at all but some type of biological warfare that has been launched against our nation?
Granted, it started in Mexico. But what better way to slowly implement your biological warfare against the United States by infecting people illegally entering and exiting the United States on a regular basis by the hundreds of thousands? That's a whole separate issue our people and government have been dealing with. Is that too far fetched to consider?
And going even further, could it be possible that (staying on the theme of this being a deliberate biological attack) this H1N1 virus was purposely created and launched by OUR government to test the waters on it's ability? But now that it has spread far quicker than expected, and our country has a real problem on it's hands, apparently.
Read this comment from the 60 Minutes story again:
"Experts agree the government decoded the virus to prepare a vaccine in record time, a real achievement."
Really? Could this fact be because the government caused this whole damn mess to begin with? Maybe? Possibly? HMMMMMMMM?
I realize that this French drug company has a exclusive contract to produce this vaccine for the H1N1 virus. But if this is such a PANDEMIC, then why the hell aren't there a few other companies being allowed to make the vaccination? Does anyone else find this odd?
Yes, there are five places making the vaccine. But only one in the United States. Why? All this money being dumped into this pandemic by our government to rely on one place to inject eggs for the vaccine? HELLO?
I don't buy it. I truly believe there is something far more seedy and dark about this whole thing. I guess since SARS didn't take off the way some drug companies had hoped, they had to come up with a new sickness to launch against the human race.
Go ahead, call me crazy. But give it some thought and think outside the normal realm.
And remember, the next egg you eat isn't an egg. It's hope. Do I need to start a cause where we all join together and turn over our eggs to local food banks in an effort to assist in helping the French drug company make more vaccines?
I think that's a fine idea. We need to rise up and rally together! We need to form secret ninja squads and sneak into farms across this great land and steal eggs! We need to laugh in the face of Easter and turn our eggs over to the government.
We need to start some domestic terrorism and strike against those who cook, fry and boil eggs! YOU WILL NOT STEAL OUR FUTURE! YOU WILL NOT EAT OUR HOPE! WE WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN AND TAKE YOUR EGGS!
DOWN WITH IHOP!
DOWN WITH DENNY'S!
DOWN WITH VILLAGE INN!
The next person you see eating eggs or some form of egg product, slap them in the face. Let them know that for every egg they consume, a baby angel (and chicken) DIES!
I will not rest until all eggs are safely collected and injected for H1N1 vaccine production! Any one who defies me and mocks my cause will wind up with egg on their face... errrr... wait, well... you know what I mean.
If 2012 is real, then this is where it starts... H1N1.
-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing
I'm all for it. That's how I roll. I'm a total cynic. I figure that since I spend a good majority of my time bitching and moaning, why not root for those crackpots and severely religious types to bring chaos and destruction, right? SURE! If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. Especially if it involves some sort of looting, pillaging and robbing those far more wealthier than I.
I realize that I could do any or all of that now but then it would involve jail time. And I don't want to be spending my last two years in the joint while others are out preparing for (and causing) the event known as 2012.
Is there anyway we can start the 2012 crisis now? I'm pretty impatient and would like some freakish events to come our way now. Oh wait, there is one thing that has come our way that is the beginning of 2012...
... H1N1.
Swine flu.
Or, as it originally became to be known, the Mexican Flu.
I was telling my boss at work a couple of days ago that I can't believe the amount of fervor over the swine flu and the vaccination for it. I suppose that if I had children, this wouldn't be so damn funny to me. But, I have to admit, that I think this whole thing is just damn silly.
But the more I think about it, the more I feel that there is something more to the H1N1 virus. And I wonder how many other people feel as I do? Last Sunday, "60 Minutes" did a follow-up report on a story they did regarding the swine flu.
The report was particularly interesting to me because they investigated more into how the vaccine is made. There is only ONE company that produces this vaccine in the United States. It's a French drug company. They have a THREE BILLION DOLLAR federal contract with the United States government to produce the H1N1 vaccine. Here is an excerpt from the 60 Minutes story by Scott Pelley:
Last summer, the government said there would be 120 million doses of vaccine by fall; weeks later, it revised that to 40 million. Now, just over 17 million have shipped - 14 percent of the first estimate.
Experts agree the government decoded the virus to prepare a vaccine in record time, a real achievement. But then the project hit snags.
The vaccine took longer than expected to produce, and there were shortages of supplies, like the sprayer for the FluMist version.
The H1N1 vaccine is being produced in a sprawling, $250 million facility in Swiftwater, Pa. Like other vaccines, the H1N1 virus is grown in chicken eggs, in an updated version of a process that has been around since World War II.
"Viruses are unique in that they require a living host to propagate. And the egg provides essentially a small, self-contained, sterile factory for the production of the vaccine," Sam Lee, director of manufacturing technology at French drug company Sanofi Pasteur, explained.
The plant has to be as clean as a hospital operating room. Pelley and the "60 Minutes" team put on clean suits and hairnets and passed through airlocks to reach the production line.
Five companies are making vaccine, but this is the only one in America.
"I see all these needles going into the top of the egg. Is that the virus going into the egg itself?" Pelley asked, observing the production process.
"There's the needle that comes down," Lee said. "The virus is then introduced directly to the egg. The eggs exit the machine. And are loaded onto carts. These carts are then wheeled into incubators, where they're environmentally controlled for temperature and humidity."
The virus grows in the eggs; later it is killed and refined into vaccine. The process takes three months. Most of that is testing for safety and sterility. Sanofi Pasteur has a federal contract to make 75 million doses. They will go through millions of eggs.
Asked if the farms producing the eggs are near the vaccine plant, Lee told Pelley, "Because of security reasons, I'm not at liberty to share specific, exact locations."
"These are secret egg farms?" Pelley asked.
"We don't want to reveal the location for security reasons," Lee said.
The farms in undisclosed locations are considered so important to national security, that among the first to get the vaccine were the egg farmers themselves. The egg program is one part of a $7 billion project launched five years ago by the Bush administration to build factories and infrastructure to make vaccine in case of a pandemic.
The official responsible for the vaccine program is Kathleen Sebelius, secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services.
At her national operations center, Secretary Sebelius was looking at figures for last week that were not encouraging. "We have just under 100 deaths, at this point, that have been confirmed H1N1 deaths. And they're on the rise," she said.
She told Pelley hospitalizations are on the rise and the epidemic is growing.
Sebelius told "60 Minutes" she learned there was trouble three weeks ago when the new virus wasn't growing inside the eggs as fast as seasonal flu virus does. Some companies were getting half their usual yield.
To learn more and watch the "60 Minutes" story for yourself, check out the following link:
"An Inside Look At H1N1 Vaccine Production"
After seeing this story, I started developing a conspiracy theory that I feel isn't too outlandish. Could it be possible that this H1N1 virus is not a flu at all but some type of biological warfare that has been launched against our nation?
Granted, it started in Mexico. But what better way to slowly implement your biological warfare against the United States by infecting people illegally entering and exiting the United States on a regular basis by the hundreds of thousands? That's a whole separate issue our people and government have been dealing with. Is that too far fetched to consider?
And going even further, could it be possible that (staying on the theme of this being a deliberate biological attack) this H1N1 virus was purposely created and launched by OUR government to test the waters on it's ability? But now that it has spread far quicker than expected, and our country has a real problem on it's hands, apparently.
Read this comment from the 60 Minutes story again:
"Experts agree the government decoded the virus to prepare a vaccine in record time, a real achievement."
Really? Could this fact be because the government caused this whole damn mess to begin with? Maybe? Possibly? HMMMMMMMM?
I realize that this French drug company has a exclusive contract to produce this vaccine for the H1N1 virus. But if this is such a PANDEMIC, then why the hell aren't there a few other companies being allowed to make the vaccination? Does anyone else find this odd?
Yes, there are five places making the vaccine. But only one in the United States. Why? All this money being dumped into this pandemic by our government to rely on one place to inject eggs for the vaccine? HELLO?
I don't buy it. I truly believe there is something far more seedy and dark about this whole thing. I guess since SARS didn't take off the way some drug companies had hoped, they had to come up with a new sickness to launch against the human race.
Go ahead, call me crazy. But give it some thought and think outside the normal realm.
And remember, the next egg you eat isn't an egg. It's hope. Do I need to start a cause where we all join together and turn over our eggs to local food banks in an effort to assist in helping the French drug company make more vaccines?
I think that's a fine idea. We need to rise up and rally together! We need to form secret ninja squads and sneak into farms across this great land and steal eggs! We need to laugh in the face of Easter and turn our eggs over to the government.
We need to start some domestic terrorism and strike against those who cook, fry and boil eggs! YOU WILL NOT STEAL OUR FUTURE! YOU WILL NOT EAT OUR HOPE! WE WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN AND TAKE YOUR EGGS!
DOWN WITH IHOP!
DOWN WITH DENNY'S!
DOWN WITH VILLAGE INN!
The next person you see eating eggs or some form of egg product, slap them in the face. Let them know that for every egg they consume, a baby angel (and chicken) DIES!
I will not rest until all eggs are safely collected and injected for H1N1 vaccine production! Any one who defies me and mocks my cause will wind up with egg on their face... errrr... wait, well... you know what I mean.
If 2012 is real, then this is where it starts... H1N1.
-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing
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