The Blackest of Fridays

For most people, the day after Thanksgiving is a time of celebration. Not Thanksgiving itself. A time where families come together and wait for hours for some box store chain to open. A time for great deals and huge sales within the confines of those box store chains.

I think people spend more time waiting for Black Friday than they do the day before it. Do you know why we eat so much on Thanksgiving? So we're good and full when we wander from our homes and go shopping at 4:00 AM.

I say that retailers live up to the name of "Black Friday" and reverse the logic. Instead of super buys today, why not jack up the prices to an obscene amount so that NO ONE comes out to buy your shit? That way you can stay closed and families can stay at home with one another and enjoy each others' company.

Better yet, offer these wonderful bargains EVERY DAY so that we don't come off like a bunch of savage sheep breaking down doors and killing one another over crap that we don't really need.

Black Friday makes me angry because it's a constant reminder of what I could have got for a real cheap price had I not already owned it. Goddammit. They should just give out Black Friday rain checks. Whether the item is in stock or not, just give me a damn slip saying that I can get the same low price when I come back to shop in June, how's that?

Black Friday. What a bunch of horseshit.

Wow, I sound bitter.

Maybe because I'm broke.

If I had the vast amounts of cash, I wouldn't mind fighting the traffic, the crazed shoppers, the long lines, the out-of-stock items, the crying/screaming children, the "batteries not included"...

Wait, wait, wait...

You see? That's all it took. All it took was me reminding myself of what it's like out there *points out front window* right now. I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I'm not out there. A big ol' sigh of relief that also oozes a "Thank GOD!" with an accompanying eye roll.

I'm living large this Black Friday in the warmth of my little apartment in Sugarhouse/Salt Lake. I'm basking in the peace and quiet of my cozy home whilst enjoying a freshly brewed cup of Starbucks French Roast coffee. Mmmmmmmm, that's good to the last drop right there.

Although, I must admit, embellishing what I'm missing is kind of making me miss it, in a way. It makes me somewhat lonely. I think Black Friday would be far more better if it were done with a partner in crime. A cohort. A significant other that can create just as much fun out of the chaos than I could.

You know what I would do? I would find the last of a popular item and grab it. I would work up a plan for my partner in crime to come up at the right time and try and get the item from me by offering me cash up front. But not before I was already in a bidding war with some other nutcase shopper wanting the last of the very item I hold.

Eventually, I'd make money off of said item (that I didn't even want in the first place) by selling it IN A STORE for PROFIT and CASH to the person wanting it because I happen to have the last one. Then I'd have cash money to go to the one place worth shopping at... the liquor store.

Okay, that was a total, random daydream in full effect. It's interesting how I've just tied together Black Friday with being alone with being involved within my own daydream that winds up at the liquor store. Nice work, Mike. You've got issues.

Well, no shit.

My original plan for Black Friday was to hang out at Starbucks and play on the internet ALL DAY while watching people come and go. I've done this very thing during Black Fridays of years past. It's really entertaining. Plus, you meet some nice people who just stop to talk and take a break from their significant others' spending the mortgage money on a new, low priced LCD TV.

I was going to do this year's Black Friday coffee drinking and blog writing at the Starbucks on 2100 South and 700 East. This is a very popular Starbucks since it's right at the core of two major roads that link to a variety of stores in the area. Plus, it also features some of the hottest women getting their coffee at this location.

Another good Starbucks for slobbering all over yourself looking at sexy ass is the Starbucks on 400 South off of 700 East. This one is good because of the University of Utah college ladies. For a fine selection of white trash and soccer mom ass watching, the Starbucks on 5600 West just off of 3100 South is great! I should know, I used to hang out there A LOT.

Now that I think about it, Utah does have some of the hottest women on the planet. However, a lot of the women are cut from the same cloth and look the same, ya know? Many of them just have that look of Mormon about them with cute straight smiles, blond hair, blue eyes and perky attitudes.

It's the Village of the Really Hot Damned.

Regardless, still hot. But if you want an exotic mix of the loveliest, prettiest, sexiest and hottest women wandering about, try the Sky Harbor International Airport in Phoenix, Arizona. Another good one is the McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas, Nevada. Every time I have a layover in Phoenix, I'm boarding my next flight with an erection.

I was once asked to take to bulging luggage hidden in my pants out and place it in one of the overhead bins. When I explained to the flight attendant that it was just a visible erection, she asked me to extinguish it because there is no smoking on commercial flights.

*drum roll, cymbal crash* THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Okay, that was just damn funny. I guess the coffee is finally kicking in.

My point about all of this is that I now have internet at home and I don't really ever need to leave my house. No more going to Alchemy Coffee. No more going to Starbucks Coffee. Instead, I can be a happy shut-in thanks to Cricket Wireless.

And therein lies the irony about this whole thing.

For those of you that follow my blogs, you know that I vowed NEVER to go back to Cricket Wireless again. I got so angry at that company that when a competitor popped up, I immediately switched to their service. I was so happy to see Cricket getting some legitimate competition.

Back in March or April, I switched to Boost Mobile. Boost had been making a huge advertising push promoting their service and features for a mere 50 bucks a month. No hidden fees. No contracts. They offered the same service and features plus MORE than what I was getting from Cricket. Plus, the fact that Boost is a sub-division of Sprint, I figured I couldn't go wrong. ANYTHING had to be better than what I was suffering at Cricket.

But I have to point out that it wasn't the service of Cricket I had a problem with. Well, it was in the end. But overall, it wasn't. It was the poor CUSTOMER service that was the last straw for me. Last year at this same time, I had invested in this new USB broadband thing that Cricket had launched. I was exactly what I needed and wanted.

To make a long story short, it didn't work. And I was treated so poorly by numerous customer service reps (in person and on the phone) that I just couldn't take it any more and had to be done with Cricket once and for all. And I had been a customer since 2002. Blogging about it now still reminds me of how pissed I was. That's how bitter I had become towards Cricket.

But...

I've come to realize that all cell phone companies are shit. They all have their good points and bad points. My good friend Tim Rainey said it best: "They all suck". That they do. But if I can find a happy ground and find suitable things that are good to take with the bad, I'll consider it. I'm all about trying to weight the options.

I went back to Cricket for two reasons.

1:) Boost Mobile has some of the worst coverage and cell phone service I've ever dealt with. Although when I went to San Diego this summer to see my buddy, Bill, I had no issues in making calls and sending texts. It worked like a dream.

However, here in my home calling area (especially IN MY HOME), I'm constantly losing calls and reception during calls. My text/picture messages don't seem to get where they're going. When they do get to the person I'm sending it to, it's almost a DAY later. It's sometimes the same when I receive text messages. My service also doesn't work with Twitter, I've come to find out. And God knows I need THAT! *rolls eyes*.

Boost Mobile does have very friendly customer service. I've had to call a couple of times with some issues and they couldn't be nicer. I also love their commercials which make me laugh. That's one of the big reasons I switched in the first place. If you haven't seen the commercial featuring two pigs eating a ham, Google it.

2:) Boost Mobile doesn't offer any type of external internet connection for your home/business. You do get mobile web via your phone included as part of the $50.00 unlimited fee. But since I just have a standard flip phone, using the internet on my phone doesn't interest me.

Even if I had a super-duper phone with all the bells & whistles and fold out screen or touch screen or whatever, I wouldn't care too much for it. I have a computer and want to use THIS for my internet usage. Not a tiny phone.

Because of these two issues (which are big selling points for me), I made the switch back to Cricket Wireless. This also meant I had to get ANOTHER new phone number. (This is like the 10th number I've had this year) And what sucks about that is that it's a (435) area code. I'm an (801) girl all the way. I might go into my local Cricket store and change the number just to get an (801) area code.

A selling point for Boost Mobile on this issue is that they don't charge you for a number change. Cricket Wireless does to the tune of $15.00. And the fact that I seem to change my number more than I do girlfriends, that can really add up.

With my switching back, I decided to also get a new phone. I didn't get anything fancy, mind you. I just bought some no-name flip phone. It's actually pretty nice for being so cheap. I also ordered the USB broadband, again. I did every thing online, too. I saved a bundle doing it this way. Plus, I still get a $50.00 rebate for my purchases when I mail in the information that came with my online order.

I dreaded ordering the USB broadband, cyber friends and readers. I really did. It was such a nightmare the last time that it took every ounce of my being to regain any faith and try it again. But my mom brought up an excellent point. She observed that now that I have a brand new computer, perhaps it would work this time around.

And you know what? She was right.

I placed my order early last Saturday morning with a salesperson named Christy using the LiveChat feature on the Cricket Wireless website. She answered all my questions and addressed my concerns. I took the plunge and ordered service, the new phone and the new USB broadband stick.

By Monday afternoon, I had my new phone and USB broadband stick. I had it sent to my work as to avoid any issues with it somehow disappearing. It arrived FedEx and I couldn't wait to get it home and give it a whirl.

I followed the simple instructions for the broadband and plugged it in. Within minutes, I was right here... on the internet... from the privacy of my couch. I was so elated with glee that I think I almost cried.

Then I activated and tried out my new phone. It, too, worked like a dream.

So far, Cricket has redeemed itself.

Well, except for that (435) area code bullshit. I could spin that and use it to my advantage by claiming I live in Park City. Whatever the case, I can now get back into the full swing of things by blogging my little heart out. No more having to pack up my crap and haul it to a coffee house or library. I have the freedom to sit and type, type, type right here and surf the WWW Sea at my leisure.

My Black Friday is a Happy Friday.

-Mike The Janitor
©2009
Millenoma Publishing