So, I'm a six pack into drinking and a little more loosened up than normal. Some would say that friends shouldn't let friends drink and blog. Actually, I think I've used that joke before, haven't I? Maybe not.
Where did I leave off? Hold on *cracks open a Blue Moon beer*... ahhhhhh, yes. Mmmmmm, this is some good adult beverage right here. Nice and cold, too.
I already forgot what I was here to BLAHg about. OH YEAH! The continuing story of my visit with an old flame.
I believe I left off in the Target that Christina and I went to for some items her mother requested. In regards to Christina's mother, she has never really cared for me and Christina kind of eluded to that in our visit. I have more to add about Christina's mom but will not out of respect for Christina.
After I dropped Christina off at her mom's place, I honestly just wanted to get the hell out of there. For whatever reason, I was feeling overwhelmed with several strong emotions that were reeking havoc on my busy mind.
All I could think about was the fact that we had both gotten older, neither of us had learned from our past relationship experiences, we both continued to display commitment issues and I was back where I started when I first met her living at home with mom and nothing to show for myself!
In that moment of dropping her off, my goodbye was going to be my last. I couldn't deal with remembering everything involved between us when we were a couple. I couldn't deal with knowing of certain men she had been involved with since. I couldn't deal with my own inadequacies and failures in life and wonder if she may secretly be judging me or sizing me up after all these years. I also couldn't deal with the feelings of getting attached.
She could tell that I was uncomfortable and I even expressed it. She also sensed I may not see her again while she was in town, if ever again. I'm sure we were both wondering why it turned out this way.
It should have went more like me picking her up at the airport, passionate making out in the airport upon seeing each other after all these years and, possibly, hot sex and wonderful times hanging out afterwards while she was in town.
NONE of that happened.
I left her as bewildered as I felt, I'm sure.
I didn't see her on Sunday because she spent the entire day with her family. But I did see her on Monday and that was the day that assisted in opening both of our eyes to the harsh reality of our relationship.
I picked her up at her mom's place. She was sure I may not speak to her again or want to see her. But I did. Even though, as I pointed out, I had my doubts when I dropped her off on the previous Saturday night.
Let me make something clear to all of you. My not wanting to see Christina again had nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with me and my present emotional and mental state.
Frankly, I'm being selfish with my feelings and emotions and it's unfair to others wanting to be a part of my life. But I can't change my moods. It's an awful curse that really can be a bummer.
Sure, I can medicate myself with some antidepressant and trick my mind into thinking all is well with that mind candy. But what does that really fix? Is it any better than being aware of my problems and trying to work through them on my own? I'd say it's a catch 22. Damned if I do and damned if I don't.
Anyway, when I saw Chris the second time and picked her up, I took her to the restaurant Johnny Carino's. Here we really opened up with one another and I told her flat out that I was not going to be a safety net for her.
I said this because that is how I felt. I felt that Christina, unhappy with her life in California, was making plans to start a new life for herself here in Utah which included her family and starting over with me, possibly.
I can't do that. I expressed to her that there was a time several years ago that I desperately sought her out with the hopes of making something like that happen. And that is true.
But looking back on that now, I realize that I was trying to reach out to her because I wasn't having any luck bonding with other suitable females like the bond I had with her years ago. I was also judging previous relationships I've had on that one long term relationship with Christina.
The reason I was doing that was because Christina is the only woman I've ever been involved with on a deeper, committed level that also involved living together and pregnancy.
And I hurt her. Bad. Really, really bad. I've always known that I hurt her and I've always carried that guilt with me. But it wasn't until Johnny Carino's where I fully realized the extent of just how deep her pain went.
I not only hurt her but I let her down. I lied to her. I crushed her. Even talking about it now brings a shame into my heart that I don't know how to describe in words. I appreciated our talk over dinner and I felt elated in some ways after it. I was relieved to be able to express to her that I felt uncomfortable because we weren't the same people anymore.
We both agreed that if she should move back to Utah, we'd have to start all over again.
She did say something to me that was so simple, yet so profound. I was expressing how I have all these emotions and feelings about myself and how bad I feel. I openly confessed to the fact that I like to play that I'm trying to be positive when, in reality, my depression is getting worse.
I continued to express that when I get depressed, I spend money even when I can't afford it. It makes me feel better and always has.
You know what she said to me? She said, in so many words: "You spend money to fill a void in your life because you're lonely."
Now, sure, this could be textbook Psych 101 but it really meant a lot to me to hear that. I am lonely and have no real social skills to maintain friendships. You could say I have many friends from my radio years. Oh yeah? Where the fuck are those people now?
Working in radio was nothing more than another void filler, really. I was surrounded by people who wanted to know me because I worked in radio. I had many meaningless sexual encounters with women because I worked in radio. I tried, unsuccessfully, to have relationships with a certain few of those women. I have had few friends come out of working in that industry.
But that doesn't mean I didn't have any fun or make some great memories. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
My point is that Christina opened an obvious door for me by pointing that out. But does it really change anything? Does it make up for my past problems? Will it really help me in the future?
In the long run, is (or has) Christina been the right person for me overall? What exactly am I looking for in my ideal mate? Am I destined to be alone and suffer for the mistakes I've made towards others in past relationships both personal and professional?
Or was Christina always the one and I was just too blind, self-absorbed and self-destructive to see it? And where do she and I go from here?
I should have made a move and kissed her to see what kind of spark might be lying in wait. I never did.
After our open conversation at Johnny Carino's, I took her out to see the Daybreak community in South Jordan. While we were driving around looking at the different houses, my mind wandered towards us as a couple again. A couple with a house and kids in Daybreak. Was it possible? It sure felt that way while I was thinking about it.
We then headed to the Starbucks in Sandy for a evening cup of coffee. I haven't set foot in a Starbucks for a while, actually. I don't really go to my regular Starbucks here in West Valley anymore because the customer service has gotten so poor. I've actually taken my business to Beans & Brews since it's right on my way to work.
Anyway, there we talked more and bonded more. But it still didn't feel right. And that irritated me.
I, once again, dropped her off at her mom's house and called it a night. The next day during my lunch break at work, I gave her a call to see how she was and when she'd like to get together again before she left town.
I never got a call back.
The next day I called again. No answer. She later responded with a text message that said things weren't going so well and she'd call me later that evening.
When she called I was extremely tired from work and cranky. I was also irritated that I hadn't heard from her any sooner and felt like she was blowing me off. This is ironic since this is the same way I treated her the first night I dropped her off. I'm completely illogical when it comes to my thought process.
Needless to say, my crankiness and her long day at a dentists office made for a spiteful conversation that ended with her saying "This whole thing was a mistake" and me saying "Well, thanks for THAT" and hanging up on her.
I called her again the following day during my lunch break at work and apologize for being cranky, moody and hanging up on her. I explained that I would still like to see her again before she left and she was welcome to call me if she wasn't too mad.
She called me yesterday afternoon. We apologized to one another for the incident and for the way things turned out. Not quite what either of us expected. She also stated that she'd like to see me later that evening. I said that would be great and for her to call me when she was ready to go out.
She never called and I was somewhat glad that she didn't.
But now she is gone and I miss her and I have NO IDEA where this leaves us.
If anything, I know she will always be my friend... whether we speak again or not. As she pointed out over our dinner, she is still here after all of this. And that's what I need in my life. A perfect counter balance. Someone who understands, needs, wants, craves and can tolerate a person such as myself.
But if it isn't Christina, then who?
I guess we'll see.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Showing newest 15 of 16 posts from April 2007. Show older posts
Showing newest 15 of 16 posts from April 2007. Show older posts
4.29.2007
The National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air
Earlier today, I went out to put air in my tire. I have a slow leak on my right rear tire that needs to be filled about every week. I need new tires all the way around but can't afford it just yet. I also need new brakes, too.
Upon pulling into my local Conoco gas station (which has been bought out by the Circle K franchise), I came upon an air pump that requested I pay 75 cents to get some air.
75 cents for air.
AIR!
This isn't the first time I've pulled into a gas station to use an air pump only to find it will cost me 25 to 75 cents. I think this is complete horseshit. I think it's such horseshit that I drove 16 blocks out of my way to go to a service station I knew had a free air hose.
As I drove out of my way on this simple conquest, I came to the conclusion that we all take air for granted. Although we have such an abundance of air, we clearly have limited amounts to provide it for free in air pumps for your tires or other items requiring air. Items like basketballs and other sporting equipment, air mattresses and George Bush's head.
Therefore, I propose a government administration that will police the use of usable and breathable air.
Under the direction of the Department of Interior, the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air will monitor and tax all human beings and items that require air.
Pets and wild animals would be void of these new laws. Although, it wouldn't be out of the question to monitor and tax household pets once this new administration got this project off the ground.
For instance, the new government administration will develop a special monitor that all humans will wear to monitor breathing habits and air consumption rates. Based on the information gathered by the monitor, a bill will be produced at the end of the month that will show your consumption and all charges relating to said air consumption.
I feel a suitable tax rate for breathable and usable air should be around five cents per inhale. Due to increasing climate changes and global warming issues, a tax of around three cents would be charged on every exhale.
Smokers would pay ten times that amount on both inhaling and exhaling. Since smokers mix clean, pure breathable and usable air with cigarette smoke (or cigars, pipes and illicit drugs), this process damages the air upon inhaling.
The same applies to the exhaled air of the smoker. Actually, since the air coming out is more than likely WORSE than when it went in, charges on a smokers EXHALE should be 30 times more than that of a non-smoker.
Charges would also apply to flatulence. Since flatulence contains methane, it pollutes our usable and breathable air supply.
Under the direction of the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air, a device would be created (probably involving a funnel, a tube and an air tight container), that can capture the flatulence to be recycled later and turned into energy to heat, cool or power your home or car.
People who have a medical condition, are senior citizens, sexually active or exercise regularly will also be charged a higher tax since they inhale and exhale more air.
People who snore will be charged a higher rate since they sometimes gulp large amounts of air during their R.E.M. sleep cycle.
Again, all of this would be monitored by the federally issued A.M.S. (Air Monitoring System) device. Any tampering with this device will result in a large fine and at least one year in a coma with reduced breathing privileges.
If you don't pay your breathing bill, fines and jail time will also be issued which will also include coma procedures. Continuing failure to follow the federal rules on breathing and using the usable and breathable air "breathing and consumption chart" will result in death.
Home air pumps and portable air pumps for car and bicycle tires as well as sporting good items would carry a heavy purchase fee and monthly use charge. I think the going rate for a home air pump should be $900 with a $19.99 monthly fee.
To cut down on further use of usable and breathable air with air pumps at service stations, you have to carry a license to operate the air pump equipment.
Upon taking a two year course in the proper use of an air pump (classes held at the Center for the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air in Chicago, Illinois for $13,000), all licensed individuals will be able to use the service station air pumps for FREE. As long as they pay their annual license fee of $15,000.
There would also be air use taxes applied to anyone blowing up balloons, blowing up sex dolls, using compressed air to clean electronics, using accordions (or other instruments requiring air such as trumpets, trombones, saxophones... basically all wind instruments), companies or individuals utilizing windmills, individuals flying kits, etc.
There would be additional fees and taxes to companies who manufacture and individuals who use aerosols, air horns, fans and whoopee cushions.
Companies who manufacture and individuals who open and drink carbonated beverages will be charged a use fee. Companies who make carbonated beverages will be charged 89 cents per can or bottle utilizing usable and breathable air for carbonation.
Individuals opening and drinking from containers with carbonation will be charged a use fee of 45 cents. That fee will be reduced 15 cents when you utilize the federally issued C.A.R. (Carbonated Air Recycler).
The National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air would also contract large companies like Halliburton to help pipe in more usable and breathable air from other countries rich in it.
We'd also export lower grade usable and breathable air (i.e. air over Los Angeles) to third world countries to assist them and prevent any possible air shortages in those regions we export it to.
However, should any country deny the United States the right to their usable and breathable air, we'll go to war with them until democracy is brought to the area and we have stockpiles of their usable and breathable air here at home.
The National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air would also educate the public on proper breathing techniques to help cut the use of our usable and breathable air supply as well as how to recycle and reclaim used air.
There would also be classes to educate the public on how to properly release trapped air and utilize it efficiently. Trapped air can be found in seat cushions, balloons, mattresses and packing bubble wrap, just to name a few.
Those who assist in the National Air Supply Recycling Program, discounts will be given in fees charged to breathe, break wind, drink carbonated beverages and pump air.
These are just some of the ideas I think would work for a new and necessary division of government.
I'd like to be the head of this specialized government branch so I can give myself diplomatic immunity and go to a goddamn gas station and get air in my tire for FREE!
Charging for air. What a bunch of shit.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Upon pulling into my local Conoco gas station (which has been bought out by the Circle K franchise), I came upon an air pump that requested I pay 75 cents to get some air.
75 cents for air.
AIR!
This isn't the first time I've pulled into a gas station to use an air pump only to find it will cost me 25 to 75 cents. I think this is complete horseshit. I think it's such horseshit that I drove 16 blocks out of my way to go to a service station I knew had a free air hose.
As I drove out of my way on this simple conquest, I came to the conclusion that we all take air for granted. Although we have such an abundance of air, we clearly have limited amounts to provide it for free in air pumps for your tires or other items requiring air. Items like basketballs and other sporting equipment, air mattresses and George Bush's head.
Therefore, I propose a government administration that will police the use of usable and breathable air.
Under the direction of the Department of Interior, the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air will monitor and tax all human beings and items that require air.
Pets and wild animals would be void of these new laws. Although, it wouldn't be out of the question to monitor and tax household pets once this new administration got this project off the ground.
For instance, the new government administration will develop a special monitor that all humans will wear to monitor breathing habits and air consumption rates. Based on the information gathered by the monitor, a bill will be produced at the end of the month that will show your consumption and all charges relating to said air consumption.
I feel a suitable tax rate for breathable and usable air should be around five cents per inhale. Due to increasing climate changes and global warming issues, a tax of around three cents would be charged on every exhale.
Smokers would pay ten times that amount on both inhaling and exhaling. Since smokers mix clean, pure breathable and usable air with cigarette smoke (or cigars, pipes and illicit drugs), this process damages the air upon inhaling.
The same applies to the exhaled air of the smoker. Actually, since the air coming out is more than likely WORSE than when it went in, charges on a smokers EXHALE should be 30 times more than that of a non-smoker.
Charges would also apply to flatulence. Since flatulence contains methane, it pollutes our usable and breathable air supply.
Under the direction of the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air, a device would be created (probably involving a funnel, a tube and an air tight container), that can capture the flatulence to be recycled later and turned into energy to heat, cool or power your home or car.
People who have a medical condition, are senior citizens, sexually active or exercise regularly will also be charged a higher tax since they inhale and exhale more air.
People who snore will be charged a higher rate since they sometimes gulp large amounts of air during their R.E.M. sleep cycle.
Again, all of this would be monitored by the federally issued A.M.S. (Air Monitoring System) device. Any tampering with this device will result in a large fine and at least one year in a coma with reduced breathing privileges.
If you don't pay your breathing bill, fines and jail time will also be issued which will also include coma procedures. Continuing failure to follow the federal rules on breathing and using the usable and breathable air "breathing and consumption chart" will result in death.
Home air pumps and portable air pumps for car and bicycle tires as well as sporting good items would carry a heavy purchase fee and monthly use charge. I think the going rate for a home air pump should be $900 with a $19.99 monthly fee.
To cut down on further use of usable and breathable air with air pumps at service stations, you have to carry a license to operate the air pump equipment.
Upon taking a two year course in the proper use of an air pump (classes held at the Center for the National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air in Chicago, Illinois for $13,000), all licensed individuals will be able to use the service station air pumps for FREE. As long as they pay their annual license fee of $15,000.
There would also be air use taxes applied to anyone blowing up balloons, blowing up sex dolls, using compressed air to clean electronics, using accordions (or other instruments requiring air such as trumpets, trombones, saxophones... basically all wind instruments), companies or individuals utilizing windmills, individuals flying kits, etc.
There would be additional fees and taxes to companies who manufacture and individuals who use aerosols, air horns, fans and whoopee cushions.
Companies who manufacture and individuals who open and drink carbonated beverages will be charged a use fee. Companies who make carbonated beverages will be charged 89 cents per can or bottle utilizing usable and breathable air for carbonation.
Individuals opening and drinking from containers with carbonation will be charged a use fee of 45 cents. That fee will be reduced 15 cents when you utilize the federally issued C.A.R. (Carbonated Air Recycler).
The National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air would also contract large companies like Halliburton to help pipe in more usable and breathable air from other countries rich in it.
We'd also export lower grade usable and breathable air (i.e. air over Los Angeles) to third world countries to assist them and prevent any possible air shortages in those regions we export it to.
However, should any country deny the United States the right to their usable and breathable air, we'll go to war with them until democracy is brought to the area and we have stockpiles of their usable and breathable air here at home.
The National Administration for Usable & Breathable Air would also educate the public on proper breathing techniques to help cut the use of our usable and breathable air supply as well as how to recycle and reclaim used air.
There would also be classes to educate the public on how to properly release trapped air and utilize it efficiently. Trapped air can be found in seat cushions, balloons, mattresses and packing bubble wrap, just to name a few.
Those who assist in the National Air Supply Recycling Program, discounts will be given in fees charged to breathe, break wind, drink carbonated beverages and pump air.
These are just some of the ideas I think would work for a new and necessary division of government.
I'd like to be the head of this specialized government branch so I can give myself diplomatic immunity and go to a goddamn gas station and get air in my tire for FREE!
Charging for air. What a bunch of shit.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Mike's Top 20
Here is another list of my Top 20 songs that I was enjoying last week while visiting with my ex-girlfriend, Christina, and while at work keeping the park system of South Jordan City in top notch shape. Enjoy!
Mike's Top 20 Songs:
20: Peter Gabriel "Blood Of Eden"
19: Nick Drake "Saturday Sun"
18: Mary Chapin Carpenter "The Dreaming Road"
17: David Gray "Silver Lining"
16: The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip "Galvanize"
15: The Flaming Sideburns "Street Survivor"
14: Del Amitri "Keepers"
13: Sting "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying"
12: Course Of Empire "Infested! (Goodman Darwin Mix)"
11: Tantric "Mourning"
10: Chris Isaak "Nothing To Say"
09: Faithless "Don't Leave"
08: Ashley Matte "In This Room"
07: The Kinks "Come Dancing"
06: Peaches "Rock The Shocker"
05: The Rakes "The World Was A Mess But His Hair Was Perfect"
04: Creedence Clearwater Revival "Suzie Q"
03: Ida "Laurel Blues"
02: Jimi Hendrix "Little Wing"
01: Crowded House "Four Seasons In One Day"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Mike's Top 20 Songs:
20: Peter Gabriel "Blood Of Eden"
19: Nick Drake "Saturday Sun"
18: Mary Chapin Carpenter "The Dreaming Road"
17: David Gray "Silver Lining"
16: The Chemical Brothers featuring Q-Tip "Galvanize"
15: The Flaming Sideburns "Street Survivor"
14: Del Amitri "Keepers"
13: Sting "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying"
12: Course Of Empire "Infested! (Goodman Darwin Mix)"
11: Tantric "Mourning"
10: Chris Isaak "Nothing To Say"
09: Faithless "Don't Leave"
08: Ashley Matte "In This Room"
07: The Kinks "Come Dancing"
06: Peaches "Rock The Shocker"
05: The Rakes "The World Was A Mess But His Hair Was Perfect"
04: Creedence Clearwater Revival "Suzie Q"
03: Ida "Laurel Blues"
02: Jimi Hendrix "Little Wing"
01: Crowded House "Four Seasons In One Day"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
The departure
So, it's been a week and a day since my last blog posting. Since that time, a few of you have written to me asking what happened with the visit with my ex-girlfriend, Christina.
One of my cyber buddies and blog readers, Shalise, flat out told me to bring everyone up to speed because the suspense was killing her. I've noticed that Shalise had to delete her profile due to some phishing problems. Hopefully she has created a new account to read up on what happened.
Presently, Christina is driving back home to California with her father. According to last reports from her to me, she was going to be leaving at 7 AM this morning to make the trip back.
I spoke to her yesterday afternoon on the phone and she relayed that information. She also wanted to hook up with me for a couple of hours last night before she left this morning.
Unfortunately, that never happened. That was the last time I spoke to her before she left.
Just before she called, I was having one of my usual emotional moments while sitting in front of my laptop listening to songs in my iTunes. Right at the exact moment she called, I was all weepy eyed from a song by artist Michael Penn called "Out Of My Hands".
I was including that song and MANY others in a list of music I was compiling for Christina to burn onto mix CD's. I've always loved making mix discs for others. Especially the women I've been involved with because sometimes music can convey a much deeper meaning than I can.
I was trying to get the discs done so she had something to listen to on the road for her trip back. I've yet to complete that project. There are many songs I want to include in the soundtrack of our former lives together and our lives apart and our recent meeting up again.
Let me start with when I picked her up at the airport last Saturday afternoon.
I got there about ten minutes early. I limped my way to the baggage claim area where she would be getting her luggage from her flight. I was limping because I think I suffer from gout. Every once and a while I get some really bad pains in my left foot that makes it painful to walk. But I digress.
As I stood in the baggage claim area, I did some people watching. There were a few people milling about in the area. People greeting one another. Families and couples embracing. People in a hurry to get from here to there and blah, blah, blah.
I stood against a wall and waited for the arrival of Christina. About 15 minutes later, I saw her walking towards the baggage claim area. My heart stopped as I realized that was her. I took a few steps back and hid behind a display so I could surprise her somewhat.
As she walked by, she caught a glimpse of me. We said "hi" to one another and hugged each other.
It was during this hug I realized that something was different. I felt awkward and nervous. I also realized that the feelings and emotions I once had for her weren't the same as they had once been when I last saw her ten years ago.
I found this perplexing because I wasn't quite expecting that type of odd emotion for such a big moment. Then I reflected back on the apprehension I had been feeling prior to her arrival.
Her boobs had gotten bigger. She also had a fuller, round ass that looked very stunning in the jeans she was wearing. Her hair had gone from blonde to black. She looked the same but different. She looked older and mature.
She wasn't the same person I once knew and neither was I. This, above all else, was the reality I had slowly come to face as I walked with her to my car. I guess I was hoping for those feelings and emotions I used to have when she would come back into my presence.
I guess I wanted to feel those feelings and emotions because they were familiar and comforting. I needed that kind of moment due to my own personal drama that I wanted to escape from for just a little while.
I suppose I wanted her being there with me to assist in saving me from myself in some way. But that didn't happen.
Instead, I started to think of how I hurt this person years ago and wanted so much to fix it in some way. But, let's face it, I can't even fix myself.
We went to Ruby Tuesdays to eat since we were both starving. We shared some stories and caught up somewhat of each others personal lives. I showed her some pictures and told her of where I had been and people I've known and things that I've done.
The whole time I felt distant. And she could sense it. To be quite honest, I'm becoming more and more reclusive to where a huge and important moment like this is almost too much to bear. My life is becoming more and more of solitude and anti-socialism only to be shared in the form of these writings.
After we ate, I took her to K-Mart for some specific vitamins she just had to have. Apparently, she only cares for the particular vitamins that are only available at K-Mart. I kind of laugh to myself now thinking about that.
I also had a strange feeling come over me as well as another time we went into a Target later on that evening. I thought that had we stayed together, we'd more than likely be doing this same thing as a married couple and possibly doing it with a kid. Maybe more than one kid. As a family unit. That thought gave me pause and felt completely natural.
After K-Mart, we went to Beans & Brews for coffee. We sat there for a couple of hours looking at more photographs and me sharing stories of my deceased friend, Nick. She told me of relationships she had been involved in and one that she spoke of with such fondness I got that she still feels bad it didn't work out.
What made her stories of this person make me feel awkward were the fact that he is a talented musician. Once the lead singer of a popular band, he now is focusing on a solo career. I listened to her MP3 player which is mostly filled with music by this individuals' former band and is solo work to date.
I found myself resenting this guy. It made me feel that much more worse about my own state of affairs and professional fuck ups over the years. Here is a guy that has a successful career with a successful band and is still plugging away making music where I threw in the towel and mow lawns for a living.
I also got sick to my stomach realizing that other men had had my girl. I'm sure she felt the same learning of all the women I've been involved with since her and I were together.
She did play some music for me from a woman named Ashley Matte that is a friend of hers. I liked Ashley's music so much, I just downloaded her album "Colors' off of eMusic.com before coming here to write this blog.
Christina and I still have the same tastes in music as we did years ago. It was nice to share things like that with one another. It also helped capture the moment we were both sharing in this rekindling.
But the more we talked and hung out with one another in Beans & Brews, the more I realized that I wasn't as attracted to nor interested in her as I had once been. It felt like we were on our first or second date after years of getting to know each other over the internet or something.
These feelings and thoughts made me feel odd and uncomfortable.
After Beans & Brews, we went to pick up some stuff at Target that her mom needed. While we were in Target, she said "You wanna look at the toys?" which made me laugh. She always could make me laugh with silly, random comments like that.
After I laughed, I thought about how I enjoyed the wit she sometimes displays. I thought about what I should do with what I have with her right now. Do I embrace the moment and have a few laughs and cries and move on keeping her in my life as a good, close friend or do I pursue something more serious and meaningful with her should she move back to Salt Lake?
If anything, she and I have to start over because it was obvious to me that we had grown apart. And this would be the topic of conversation at our next get together which came last Monday.
But, right now, I don't feel like going on about that. You'll all have to wait for my next blog posting that will be a follow up to this once. Consider this blog a cliffhanger. But don't worry, cyber buddies. I'll be sure to conclude the story within the next 24 hours.
Stay tuned.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
One of my cyber buddies and blog readers, Shalise, flat out told me to bring everyone up to speed because the suspense was killing her. I've noticed that Shalise had to delete her profile due to some phishing problems. Hopefully she has created a new account to read up on what happened.
Presently, Christina is driving back home to California with her father. According to last reports from her to me, she was going to be leaving at 7 AM this morning to make the trip back.
I spoke to her yesterday afternoon on the phone and she relayed that information. She also wanted to hook up with me for a couple of hours last night before she left this morning.
Unfortunately, that never happened. That was the last time I spoke to her before she left.
Just before she called, I was having one of my usual emotional moments while sitting in front of my laptop listening to songs in my iTunes. Right at the exact moment she called, I was all weepy eyed from a song by artist Michael Penn called "Out Of My Hands".
I was including that song and MANY others in a list of music I was compiling for Christina to burn onto mix CD's. I've always loved making mix discs for others. Especially the women I've been involved with because sometimes music can convey a much deeper meaning than I can.
I was trying to get the discs done so she had something to listen to on the road for her trip back. I've yet to complete that project. There are many songs I want to include in the soundtrack of our former lives together and our lives apart and our recent meeting up again.
Let me start with when I picked her up at the airport last Saturday afternoon.
I got there about ten minutes early. I limped my way to the baggage claim area where she would be getting her luggage from her flight. I was limping because I think I suffer from gout. Every once and a while I get some really bad pains in my left foot that makes it painful to walk. But I digress.
As I stood in the baggage claim area, I did some people watching. There were a few people milling about in the area. People greeting one another. Families and couples embracing. People in a hurry to get from here to there and blah, blah, blah.
I stood against a wall and waited for the arrival of Christina. About 15 minutes later, I saw her walking towards the baggage claim area. My heart stopped as I realized that was her. I took a few steps back and hid behind a display so I could surprise her somewhat.
As she walked by, she caught a glimpse of me. We said "hi" to one another and hugged each other.
It was during this hug I realized that something was different. I felt awkward and nervous. I also realized that the feelings and emotions I once had for her weren't the same as they had once been when I last saw her ten years ago.
I found this perplexing because I wasn't quite expecting that type of odd emotion for such a big moment. Then I reflected back on the apprehension I had been feeling prior to her arrival.
Her boobs had gotten bigger. She also had a fuller, round ass that looked very stunning in the jeans she was wearing. Her hair had gone from blonde to black. She looked the same but different. She looked older and mature.
She wasn't the same person I once knew and neither was I. This, above all else, was the reality I had slowly come to face as I walked with her to my car. I guess I was hoping for those feelings and emotions I used to have when she would come back into my presence.
I guess I wanted to feel those feelings and emotions because they were familiar and comforting. I needed that kind of moment due to my own personal drama that I wanted to escape from for just a little while.
I suppose I wanted her being there with me to assist in saving me from myself in some way. But that didn't happen.
Instead, I started to think of how I hurt this person years ago and wanted so much to fix it in some way. But, let's face it, I can't even fix myself.
We went to Ruby Tuesdays to eat since we were both starving. We shared some stories and caught up somewhat of each others personal lives. I showed her some pictures and told her of where I had been and people I've known and things that I've done.
The whole time I felt distant. And she could sense it. To be quite honest, I'm becoming more and more reclusive to where a huge and important moment like this is almost too much to bear. My life is becoming more and more of solitude and anti-socialism only to be shared in the form of these writings.
After we ate, I took her to K-Mart for some specific vitamins she just had to have. Apparently, she only cares for the particular vitamins that are only available at K-Mart. I kind of laugh to myself now thinking about that.
I also had a strange feeling come over me as well as another time we went into a Target later on that evening. I thought that had we stayed together, we'd more than likely be doing this same thing as a married couple and possibly doing it with a kid. Maybe more than one kid. As a family unit. That thought gave me pause and felt completely natural.
After K-Mart, we went to Beans & Brews for coffee. We sat there for a couple of hours looking at more photographs and me sharing stories of my deceased friend, Nick. She told me of relationships she had been involved in and one that she spoke of with such fondness I got that she still feels bad it didn't work out.
What made her stories of this person make me feel awkward were the fact that he is a talented musician. Once the lead singer of a popular band, he now is focusing on a solo career. I listened to her MP3 player which is mostly filled with music by this individuals' former band and is solo work to date.
I found myself resenting this guy. It made me feel that much more worse about my own state of affairs and professional fuck ups over the years. Here is a guy that has a successful career with a successful band and is still plugging away making music where I threw in the towel and mow lawns for a living.
I also got sick to my stomach realizing that other men had had my girl. I'm sure she felt the same learning of all the women I've been involved with since her and I were together.
She did play some music for me from a woman named Ashley Matte that is a friend of hers. I liked Ashley's music so much, I just downloaded her album "Colors' off of eMusic.com before coming here to write this blog.
Christina and I still have the same tastes in music as we did years ago. It was nice to share things like that with one another. It also helped capture the moment we were both sharing in this rekindling.
But the more we talked and hung out with one another in Beans & Brews, the more I realized that I wasn't as attracted to nor interested in her as I had once been. It felt like we were on our first or second date after years of getting to know each other over the internet or something.
These feelings and thoughts made me feel odd and uncomfortable.
After Beans & Brews, we went to pick up some stuff at Target that her mom needed. While we were in Target, she said "You wanna look at the toys?" which made me laugh. She always could make me laugh with silly, random comments like that.
After I laughed, I thought about how I enjoyed the wit she sometimes displays. I thought about what I should do with what I have with her right now. Do I embrace the moment and have a few laughs and cries and move on keeping her in my life as a good, close friend or do I pursue something more serious and meaningful with her should she move back to Salt Lake?
If anything, she and I have to start over because it was obvious to me that we had grown apart. And this would be the topic of conversation at our next get together which came last Monday.
But, right now, I don't feel like going on about that. You'll all have to wait for my next blog posting that will be a follow up to this once. Consider this blog a cliffhanger. But don't worry, cyber buddies. I'll be sure to conclude the story within the next 24 hours.
Stay tuned.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
4.21.2007
The arrival
Today is a big day for me, people. In about four hours, I will be standing in the Salt Lake City International Airport awaiting the arrival of someone from my past. I haven't seen this person in about 10 years or so.
The person is female. For privacy reasons, I'll just call her "Christina". Actually, I will call her Christina because that is her name. She is making a trip out here to see family and take care of some errands and, most of all, see me.
I spoke to Christina a couple of days ago where she not only let on she was nervous but also had "butterflies" in her stomach. I made a joke that she shouldn't eat butterflies because they have been known to upset your stomach.
I'm a funny guy, I tell ya!
She inquired as to if I might be nervous, also. No, actually, I'm not. I'm more apprehensive than I am nervous. Or maybe I'm mistaking the nervousness as apprehension. I'm not quite sure.
Maybe I'm anxious. Maybe I'm dreading it. Not because of her but because of me. 10 years is a long time to go without seeing someone that you were once very close to and involved with.
I can't help but feel this sense of guilt and shame with her return. I so deeply want to be able to show off certain accomplishments and success yet I can't. I want to be able to prove some kind of growing up and financial freedom but I can't.
This is what is causing the apprehension. Which then leads to the dread. Which then leads to me wanting to throw up all over myself because of my own personal failures and the embarrassment I feel regarding them.
Christina is the only woman in my life that I've ever been truly involved with. We dated for several years and even lived together until I fucked that all up. Looking back on myself then and what I've become today, there are only slight differences.
As a matter a fact, as I sit here trying to convey the looming thoughts in my mind I can't help but feel anger, frustration and pity about my situation and the years I've been dealing with my own goddamn stupidity.
I'm trying to not let the shortcomings of my own life interfere with her visit. She is clearly beyond excited and happy to see me after so long as I am her. But with the way my mind works and my self-destructive tendencies, I can't help but NOT think about what a let down I've become to those certain few who've believed in something greater for me.
Although my "potential factor" is still there, it is slowly dwindling as I get older. Some would say to not dwell on it and just push ahead to the future. Others would say to look into the past to fix things for a better future.
My mind is a complete blank as to what we'll do when we see each other and what we're going to do during her visit. One friend of mine suggested that having some sex would quench several demons.
To be honest, sex with her has been something I've been thinking about but not regularly. And I'm not quite sure what having sex will accomplish. If anything, it'll just make things that much more complicated.
I did speak to Chris about moving back to Salt Lake and her and I getting a place together. This might come as a shock to some of you reading this and it kind of shocked me when I said it.
But it felt completely natural to talk to her about it because I didn't have any hesitation bringing it up. But then I think that maybe I suggested it because I feel I have a responsibility to her to make up for our fallout from the last time we lived together.
Then I think that maybe I suggested it because I've been lonely for a while with no real connections in my life as far as romance is concerned. That is definitely something I had with Christina when we were together. Plus, she already knows how neurotic I can be.
In the ten years since Christina and I saw each other, I've had quite a few lady friends. Ahhhhhhh, hell, I'll just admit to sometimes being a man whore and doing lots of banging.
However, there have been some women in my life that I've been closer to than others. But none got as close as Christina did. They didn't get close because I didn't let them. Several have tried but none have really ever succeeded. There are a couple of women who I've angered and let down because of this.
For a long time there, I was one of those great guys with "commitment issues". Lately, I have been looking for something with more substance and long term growth. The ironic thing about that is I had that with the Starbucks barista I was dating last year. The problem was I started cheating on her with the girlfriend I had prior to her, Amanda, for some really gratifying sex.
In the end, I lost both of them and hurt both of them. I hurt the Starbucks barista by being a liar and a cheat. I hurt Amanda by not giving myself to her completely as I had with the Starbucks barista.
Even the power of her vagina was not enough to sway me back to her. So she made sure to foil me in the most sinister of ways by not only becoming Mormon (that still makes me laugh! phony bitch!) but falsifying a police report to cause me a whole lot of problems.
Fucking women. Actually, I need to blame my penis. I just need to hack the thing off and sell it on E-Bay because it has caused me more harm then good.
My point here is that Christina is still around and talking to me after all these years. She has suffered through some really hard times and one serious ordeal with me. We almost became parents at one time. Almost.
I don't want to talk about that.
I know of some friends of the women I've dated who have asked their friend dating me: "What the hell do you see in that guy"? I'm sexy, that's what. I'm funny. I mean well. I'm caring, intelligent, hard working, compassionate and blah, blah, blah.
I also have a "glorious cock" as one girl put it to me a couple of years ago... hahahahahahahahahahaha. I didn't mind putting it to her, either... hahahahahahaha.
I can't believe I just said that.
I guess my point here is that this meeting with Christina is probably a lot like what my high school reunion would be like. Excited to see all the old faces from your past while trying to show off what you've become.
Except at a high school reunion, it's so much easier to lie and make up bullshit to cover up the fact you've fucked up you life.
With this reunion between Christina and myself, I can't do that. She knows me too well.
And maybe this is what is supposed to happen. Perhaps this is my life coming around full circle to pick up where I left off abruptly all those years ago. Maybe this reunion is a starting point for me and my blossoming adult life?
Then again, maybe that is what I secretly desire and hope for. Maybe this moment is going to turn into Christina becoming my saving grace?
That is a lot of responsibility to expect from one person to fix someone so broken.
Clearly I can't fix myself because I wind up making things worse. I'm like an auto mechanic with A.D.D. when it comes to fixing myself with self-improvement. I focus on one thing and then get distracted by another thing and fix the thing that didn't really need to be fixed but makes things a little better when the major problem is getting worse.
Did any of that rambling make sense? For instance, I'm in financial turmoil and have certain bills I just need to pay off. Instead, I went out and bought an iPod knock off from RCA called an "Opal" so that I have music to listen to and enjoy while I'm mowing and trimming at work all day.
Did I need that? NO! Did I want it? YES! It was only $60 but that $60 could have went to pay for something more important like a down payment on a house. Or towards the rent on my apartment that I no longer have because I couldn't make the rent.
Isn't that lovely? I don't have a place to call my own anymore but at least I have an MP3 player to get me through the day at work.
Stupid motherfucker.
That right there, above all else, has been my undoing since I was 18. Maybe even younger.
The question is WHY do I keep doing it? I do it because money makes me happy. That's a given. spending it on things that I desire makes me even happier. That, too, is a given.
But what does that stem from? Growing up poor and my mom trying to raise me to live frugal. When I got old enough to get my first credit card, that education went right out the window.
Instead, I focused on how growing up being poor and living frugal didn't give me the things I wanted for myself growing up. So now I make up for it by buying all kinds of stuff I don't need.
This isn't to say that my mom did a bad job raising me. she was a single parent raising a child on a very limited income while trying to teach me the importance of saving and using your money wisely. As well as teaching me to be responsible with my money especially when it comes to paying bills.
Christina will be arriving in three and a half hours.
A really, truly great thing about Christina coming home is the fact that I'll be able to apologize to her in person. It's been a long time coming and she deserves that and so much more from me.
Have you noticed how my blog went from Christina's visit to other former girlfriends to self pity to my financial problems to my mom back to Christina? do I know how to write or what? If you ever wanted to know what A.D.D. looks like in written form, now you know.
I do it with such finesse, though.
I can say that today will be filled with hours of catching up and storytelling. It'll be nice to share with someone who once knew me all of my memories since our last meeting. The places I've been and the things I've done. I'll share some photographs and introduce her to the people I've known and the person I lost in those photographs. I think it'll be very therapeutic for me personally.
I'm sure I'll be taking some pictures, too.
OK, I'll admit it. Now I'm getting nervous.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
The person is female. For privacy reasons, I'll just call her "Christina". Actually, I will call her Christina because that is her name. She is making a trip out here to see family and take care of some errands and, most of all, see me.
I spoke to Christina a couple of days ago where she not only let on she was nervous but also had "butterflies" in her stomach. I made a joke that she shouldn't eat butterflies because they have been known to upset your stomach.
I'm a funny guy, I tell ya!
She inquired as to if I might be nervous, also. No, actually, I'm not. I'm more apprehensive than I am nervous. Or maybe I'm mistaking the nervousness as apprehension. I'm not quite sure.
Maybe I'm anxious. Maybe I'm dreading it. Not because of her but because of me. 10 years is a long time to go without seeing someone that you were once very close to and involved with.
I can't help but feel this sense of guilt and shame with her return. I so deeply want to be able to show off certain accomplishments and success yet I can't. I want to be able to prove some kind of growing up and financial freedom but I can't.
This is what is causing the apprehension. Which then leads to the dread. Which then leads to me wanting to throw up all over myself because of my own personal failures and the embarrassment I feel regarding them.
Christina is the only woman in my life that I've ever been truly involved with. We dated for several years and even lived together until I fucked that all up. Looking back on myself then and what I've become today, there are only slight differences.
As a matter a fact, as I sit here trying to convey the looming thoughts in my mind I can't help but feel anger, frustration and pity about my situation and the years I've been dealing with my own goddamn stupidity.
I'm trying to not let the shortcomings of my own life interfere with her visit. She is clearly beyond excited and happy to see me after so long as I am her. But with the way my mind works and my self-destructive tendencies, I can't help but NOT think about what a let down I've become to those certain few who've believed in something greater for me.
Although my "potential factor" is still there, it is slowly dwindling as I get older. Some would say to not dwell on it and just push ahead to the future. Others would say to look into the past to fix things for a better future.
My mind is a complete blank as to what we'll do when we see each other and what we're going to do during her visit. One friend of mine suggested that having some sex would quench several demons.
To be honest, sex with her has been something I've been thinking about but not regularly. And I'm not quite sure what having sex will accomplish. If anything, it'll just make things that much more complicated.
I did speak to Chris about moving back to Salt Lake and her and I getting a place together. This might come as a shock to some of you reading this and it kind of shocked me when I said it.
But it felt completely natural to talk to her about it because I didn't have any hesitation bringing it up. But then I think that maybe I suggested it because I feel I have a responsibility to her to make up for our fallout from the last time we lived together.
Then I think that maybe I suggested it because I've been lonely for a while with no real connections in my life as far as romance is concerned. That is definitely something I had with Christina when we were together. Plus, she already knows how neurotic I can be.
In the ten years since Christina and I saw each other, I've had quite a few lady friends. Ahhhhhhh, hell, I'll just admit to sometimes being a man whore and doing lots of banging.
However, there have been some women in my life that I've been closer to than others. But none got as close as Christina did. They didn't get close because I didn't let them. Several have tried but none have really ever succeeded. There are a couple of women who I've angered and let down because of this.
For a long time there, I was one of those great guys with "commitment issues". Lately, I have been looking for something with more substance and long term growth. The ironic thing about that is I had that with the Starbucks barista I was dating last year. The problem was I started cheating on her with the girlfriend I had prior to her, Amanda, for some really gratifying sex.
In the end, I lost both of them and hurt both of them. I hurt the Starbucks barista by being a liar and a cheat. I hurt Amanda by not giving myself to her completely as I had with the Starbucks barista.
Even the power of her vagina was not enough to sway me back to her. So she made sure to foil me in the most sinister of ways by not only becoming Mormon (that still makes me laugh! phony bitch!) but falsifying a police report to cause me a whole lot of problems.
Fucking women. Actually, I need to blame my penis. I just need to hack the thing off and sell it on E-Bay because it has caused me more harm then good.
My point here is that Christina is still around and talking to me after all these years. She has suffered through some really hard times and one serious ordeal with me. We almost became parents at one time. Almost.
I don't want to talk about that.
I know of some friends of the women I've dated who have asked their friend dating me: "What the hell do you see in that guy"? I'm sexy, that's what. I'm funny. I mean well. I'm caring, intelligent, hard working, compassionate and blah, blah, blah.
I also have a "glorious cock" as one girl put it to me a couple of years ago... hahahahahahahahahahaha. I didn't mind putting it to her, either... hahahahahahaha.
I can't believe I just said that.
I guess my point here is that this meeting with Christina is probably a lot like what my high school reunion would be like. Excited to see all the old faces from your past while trying to show off what you've become.
Except at a high school reunion, it's so much easier to lie and make up bullshit to cover up the fact you've fucked up you life.
With this reunion between Christina and myself, I can't do that. She knows me too well.
And maybe this is what is supposed to happen. Perhaps this is my life coming around full circle to pick up where I left off abruptly all those years ago. Maybe this reunion is a starting point for me and my blossoming adult life?
Then again, maybe that is what I secretly desire and hope for. Maybe this moment is going to turn into Christina becoming my saving grace?
That is a lot of responsibility to expect from one person to fix someone so broken.
Clearly I can't fix myself because I wind up making things worse. I'm like an auto mechanic with A.D.D. when it comes to fixing myself with self-improvement. I focus on one thing and then get distracted by another thing and fix the thing that didn't really need to be fixed but makes things a little better when the major problem is getting worse.
Did any of that rambling make sense? For instance, I'm in financial turmoil and have certain bills I just need to pay off. Instead, I went out and bought an iPod knock off from RCA called an "Opal" so that I have music to listen to and enjoy while I'm mowing and trimming at work all day.
Did I need that? NO! Did I want it? YES! It was only $60 but that $60 could have went to pay for something more important like a down payment on a house. Or towards the rent on my apartment that I no longer have because I couldn't make the rent.
Isn't that lovely? I don't have a place to call my own anymore but at least I have an MP3 player to get me through the day at work.
Stupid motherfucker.
That right there, above all else, has been my undoing since I was 18. Maybe even younger.
The question is WHY do I keep doing it? I do it because money makes me happy. That's a given. spending it on things that I desire makes me even happier. That, too, is a given.
But what does that stem from? Growing up poor and my mom trying to raise me to live frugal. When I got old enough to get my first credit card, that education went right out the window.
Instead, I focused on how growing up being poor and living frugal didn't give me the things I wanted for myself growing up. So now I make up for it by buying all kinds of stuff I don't need.
This isn't to say that my mom did a bad job raising me. she was a single parent raising a child on a very limited income while trying to teach me the importance of saving and using your money wisely. As well as teaching me to be responsible with my money especially when it comes to paying bills.
Christina will be arriving in three and a half hours.
A really, truly great thing about Christina coming home is the fact that I'll be able to apologize to her in person. It's been a long time coming and she deserves that and so much more from me.
Have you noticed how my blog went from Christina's visit to other former girlfriends to self pity to my financial problems to my mom back to Christina? do I know how to write or what? If you ever wanted to know what A.D.D. looks like in written form, now you know.
I do it with such finesse, though.
I can say that today will be filled with hours of catching up and storytelling. It'll be nice to share with someone who once knew me all of my memories since our last meeting. The places I've been and the things I've done. I'll share some photographs and introduce her to the people I've known and the person I lost in those photographs. I think it'll be very therapeutic for me personally.
I'm sure I'll be taking some pictures, too.
OK, I'll admit it. Now I'm getting nervous.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
4.16.2007
My blogs offend, enrage and entertain! Guaranteed or your money back!
At the end of last week, I took several cheap shots at a former colleague of mine, Kayvon, that is now the program director of 94.9 The Blaze here in Salt Lake City.
One of my longtime friends, Shawn, was upset that I would even waste the energy to express such frustration and anger towards Kayvon. In a roundabout way, Shawn was suggesting I take the blog down. I even told him I would.
Then I thought about it. I decided to not follow through on that because I'm not going to retract statements I've made just because some might become offended. Shawn is a good friend of mine and I respect his opinion. But I felt that backing out and deleting that blog would make me look like some flip-flopping pussy.
Besides, I felt I was well within my right to express my anger about Kayvon and his unprofessional treatment of me. Obviously, I felt that I had a better relationship with the guy over the years then he did.
Earlier today, I received a suspicious call from someone whose voice I did not recognize. I can only assume it is someone I've worked with or someone within the social circle of radio people.
The call went as follows:
*ring ring ring*
"Hello"?
"Is this Mike"?
"Yeah, last time I checked"?
"Mike The Janitor"?
"Yes. Who is this"?
"What exactly are you trying to accomplish with those stupid blogs you write"?
*At this point, I'm surprised. I don't know how to respond to this person and I'm trying to figure out who they are and how they got my number. They continue speaking.*
"Do you even have any idea what a goddamn asshole you come off looking like? Do you really think you'll ever work in radio in this town again? Are you even aware of the types of people who are reading your mindless garbage? You are such a worthless, pathetic fuck. I don't blame Kayvon for not calling you or hiring you because you aren't worth it. You never have been and never will be because you're a lying, talentless cocksucker"!
"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Would you mind telling me who you are so that we can discuss this further without the name calling"?
"Go fuck yourself"!
*click*
As I looked at my cell phone screen to see what number this person was calling from, it showed as "private".
I must admit the call got to me. It took me a while to realize where they might have got my phone number. Not that it really matters. I remembered that I posted my phone number in a blog I wrote asking my ex-girlfriend, Amanda, to call me with an apology for what she did to me last year.
Then I started getting paranoid and thinking that maybe it was a friend of hers that called me. You see, Amanda was once sexually involved with a certain member of management at that broadcasting facility when she was underage. She openly admitted that to me on several occasions when we were dating. I probably have him to thank for training her with great oral skills.
In a side note here, I suppose that after saying all this, I can expect to never hear from her now with that apology. Oh well. I guess giving out that juicy information is my way of getting back at her for falsifying a report she gave to police that led them to causing trouble for me.
Thanks again, Amanda.
Then I just figured that it was someone that I didn't know at all but knows of me. I know that it wasn't Kayvon because it wasn't Kayvon's voice I heard. It was either someone who works at that broadcasting company or someone who works in radio and knows Kayvon.
The whole thing is just stupid. And I started it by throwing the first rock. Shawn was right but I wasn't going to compromise my artistic integrity in blog writings by removing it. Sorry, Shawn.
I'm repeating myself.
In any event, my blogs can sometimes go with certain amounts of drama. I'm flattered that someone was upset enough to make an anonymous call and make it clear how they felt about me.
Good for you.
Ironically, before I got to typing this blog, I found a new message in my MySpace mailbox from none other than Kayvon.
Kayvon simply said this:
Mike,
Many reasons...no excuses!
I should have called but did not...100% My Bad.
Best of luck!
~kayvon~
Huh. Really? MANY reasons? Well why don't you find your sack and step up to the plate and call me. Why don't you express what some of those MANY reasons are that you didn't call me back and didn't follow through on hiring me?
Oh, I know why. Because you feel you don't have to answer to me. You have no obligation to me. And you know what? You'd be right. However, if you're going to mislead someone with the opportunity of a job, you should explain why it didn't work out or why you made the mistake in speaking of the opportunity in the first place.
Clearly my blogs are far more reaching than I imagined. Even Shawn was able to foresee certain fallout from my pissed off blog regarding Kayvon.
And I'm sure there will be even more fallout with this blog. I bet some of you, Shawn included, are pulling your hair out going: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, MIKE! GODDAMNIT! THIS IS THE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSEs YOU SO MUCH TROUBLE! SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN"!
Some of that is my inner voice yelling, too. But I can't help but giggle at all of this.
I've actually sat here for several minutes thinking about whether or not to continue writing this blog and posting it. There is a saying in radio that goes "when in doubt, put it out". But you know what? I'm not in radio anymore! And, according to some anonymous caller, I never will be in this town again! So what's the harm if I go all crazy in blog form on MySpace? BIG DEAL!
But let me ask this, everyone... how is it Kayvon can take the time out of his busy schedule and read my blogs AND respond to them but can't pick up the phone and talk to me off the record and candidly about what happened?
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
As for the wonderful guy who called me earlier and didn't leave his name, thank you for making me feel that my blogs make a difference (whether good or bad) and get a response. I don't need a radio show when I've got my own show right here on MySpace
One of my longtime friends, Shawn, was upset that I would even waste the energy to express such frustration and anger towards Kayvon. In a roundabout way, Shawn was suggesting I take the blog down. I even told him I would.
Then I thought about it. I decided to not follow through on that because I'm not going to retract statements I've made just because some might become offended. Shawn is a good friend of mine and I respect his opinion. But I felt that backing out and deleting that blog would make me look like some flip-flopping pussy.
Besides, I felt I was well within my right to express my anger about Kayvon and his unprofessional treatment of me. Obviously, I felt that I had a better relationship with the guy over the years then he did.
Earlier today, I received a suspicious call from someone whose voice I did not recognize. I can only assume it is someone I've worked with or someone within the social circle of radio people.
The call went as follows:
*ring ring ring*
"Hello"?
"Is this Mike"?
"Yeah, last time I checked"?
"Mike The Janitor"?
"Yes. Who is this"?
"What exactly are you trying to accomplish with those stupid blogs you write"?
*At this point, I'm surprised. I don't know how to respond to this person and I'm trying to figure out who they are and how they got my number. They continue speaking.*
"Do you even have any idea what a goddamn asshole you come off looking like? Do you really think you'll ever work in radio in this town again? Are you even aware of the types of people who are reading your mindless garbage? You are such a worthless, pathetic fuck. I don't blame Kayvon for not calling you or hiring you because you aren't worth it. You never have been and never will be because you're a lying, talentless cocksucker"!
"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Would you mind telling me who you are so that we can discuss this further without the name calling"?
"Go fuck yourself"!
*click*
As I looked at my cell phone screen to see what number this person was calling from, it showed as "private".
I must admit the call got to me. It took me a while to realize where they might have got my phone number. Not that it really matters. I remembered that I posted my phone number in a blog I wrote asking my ex-girlfriend, Amanda, to call me with an apology for what she did to me last year.
Then I started getting paranoid and thinking that maybe it was a friend of hers that called me. You see, Amanda was once sexually involved with a certain member of management at that broadcasting facility when she was underage. She openly admitted that to me on several occasions when we were dating. I probably have him to thank for training her with great oral skills.
In a side note here, I suppose that after saying all this, I can expect to never hear from her now with that apology. Oh well. I guess giving out that juicy information is my way of getting back at her for falsifying a report she gave to police that led them to causing trouble for me.
Thanks again, Amanda.
Then I just figured that it was someone that I didn't know at all but knows of me. I know that it wasn't Kayvon because it wasn't Kayvon's voice I heard. It was either someone who works at that broadcasting company or someone who works in radio and knows Kayvon.
The whole thing is just stupid. And I started it by throwing the first rock. Shawn was right but I wasn't going to compromise my artistic integrity in blog writings by removing it. Sorry, Shawn.
I'm repeating myself.
In any event, my blogs can sometimes go with certain amounts of drama. I'm flattered that someone was upset enough to make an anonymous call and make it clear how they felt about me.
Good for you.
Ironically, before I got to typing this blog, I found a new message in my MySpace mailbox from none other than Kayvon.
Kayvon simply said this:
Mike,
Many reasons...no excuses!
I should have called but did not...100% My Bad.
Best of luck!
~kayvon~
Huh. Really? MANY reasons? Well why don't you find your sack and step up to the plate and call me. Why don't you express what some of those MANY reasons are that you didn't call me back and didn't follow through on hiring me?
Oh, I know why. Because you feel you don't have to answer to me. You have no obligation to me. And you know what? You'd be right. However, if you're going to mislead someone with the opportunity of a job, you should explain why it didn't work out or why you made the mistake in speaking of the opportunity in the first place.
Clearly my blogs are far more reaching than I imagined. Even Shawn was able to foresee certain fallout from my pissed off blog regarding Kayvon.
And I'm sure there will be even more fallout with this blog. I bet some of you, Shawn included, are pulling your hair out going: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING, MIKE! GODDAMNIT! THIS IS THE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR THAT CAUSEs YOU SO MUCH TROUBLE! SNAP OUT OF IT, MAN"!
Some of that is my inner voice yelling, too. But I can't help but giggle at all of this.
I've actually sat here for several minutes thinking about whether or not to continue writing this blog and posting it. There is a saying in radio that goes "when in doubt, put it out". But you know what? I'm not in radio anymore! And, according to some anonymous caller, I never will be in this town again! So what's the harm if I go all crazy in blog form on MySpace? BIG DEAL!
But let me ask this, everyone... how is it Kayvon can take the time out of his busy schedule and read my blogs AND respond to them but can't pick up the phone and talk to me off the record and candidly about what happened?
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
As for the wonderful guy who called me earlier and didn't leave his name, thank you for making me feel that my blogs make a difference (whether good or bad) and get a response. I don't need a radio show when I've got my own show right here on MySpace
Halloween capitol of the United States
Utah is known for many things. Skiing, Mormons, copper, the Great Salt Lake, the 2002 Winter Olympic games, several national parks (i.e. Arches) and wonderful canyons (i.e. Bryce).
But one thing it should really be recognized for is Halloween. Nowhere on Earth is Halloween more of a celebrated holiday than it is in, of all places, Utah.
I think it might even rank ABOVE Christmas.
In Utah, many residents start celebrating Halloween as early as the end of September. We have all kinds of haunted houses, haunted warehouses, haunted hospitals and haunted corn mazes.
Even our local amusement park, Lagoon, celebrates Halloween with "Frightmares". Some of the rides are even open to enjoy in the brisk October weather.
The reason I'm talking about Halloween in April is because, last Friday, a legendary haunted house closed it's doors after 26 years in business.
It was a big deal.
It got news coverage a few times.
The Rocky Point Haunted House closed because the land on which the haunted house sat (it was an old Fred Meyer department store) was sold to developers. I believe they are building a pseudo Chinatown at this location according to a news article I read.
Anyway, Rocky Point opened it's doors through the beginning of March until Friday, April 14th for one last hoorah before it went away.
That's right... Halloween in March and April.
Amazing, right?
Actually, it is. Nowhere else that I've lived has there been such excitement and work that goes into Halloween. Only in Utah can you find such effort.
The irony is that here we have a holiday that some consider Satanist that is hosted in large fashion by a state controlled by the Mormon religion. I find this very funny.
But Halloween in Utah can be fun. There's plenty of thrills and chills to enjoy. They should form a whole marketing campaign to increase tourism to Utah based on Halloween alone.
They should issue special black and orange license plates for cars and glow sticks to all households.
You know what? I want to create a building that looks like a giant pumpkin and have a haunted house in it year round. There would also be a museum and gift shop of all things Halloween.
Man, I'm brilliant. Go ahead and laugh but I'm telling you I'd make MILLIONS!
Only in Utah.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
But one thing it should really be recognized for is Halloween. Nowhere on Earth is Halloween more of a celebrated holiday than it is in, of all places, Utah.
I think it might even rank ABOVE Christmas.
In Utah, many residents start celebrating Halloween as early as the end of September. We have all kinds of haunted houses, haunted warehouses, haunted hospitals and haunted corn mazes.
Even our local amusement park, Lagoon, celebrates Halloween with "Frightmares". Some of the rides are even open to enjoy in the brisk October weather.
The reason I'm talking about Halloween in April is because, last Friday, a legendary haunted house closed it's doors after 26 years in business.
It was a big deal.
It got news coverage a few times.
The Rocky Point Haunted House closed because the land on which the haunted house sat (it was an old Fred Meyer department store) was sold to developers. I believe they are building a pseudo Chinatown at this location according to a news article I read.
Anyway, Rocky Point opened it's doors through the beginning of March until Friday, April 14th for one last hoorah before it went away.
That's right... Halloween in March and April.
Amazing, right?
Actually, it is. Nowhere else that I've lived has there been such excitement and work that goes into Halloween. Only in Utah can you find such effort.
The irony is that here we have a holiday that some consider Satanist that is hosted in large fashion by a state controlled by the Mormon religion. I find this very funny.
But Halloween in Utah can be fun. There's plenty of thrills and chills to enjoy. They should form a whole marketing campaign to increase tourism to Utah based on Halloween alone.
They should issue special black and orange license plates for cars and glow sticks to all households.
You know what? I want to create a building that looks like a giant pumpkin and have a haunted house in it year round. There would also be a museum and gift shop of all things Halloween.
Man, I'm brilliant. Go ahead and laugh but I'm telling you I'd make MILLIONS!
Only in Utah.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Don Imus
A few people have asked my opinion recently on the situation with Don Imus. I've given this incident a lot of thought as of late. I've never agreed with what Don Imus said (nor did I see the point of it) but I also don't agree with him getting fired over it.
I've never cared for Don Imus as a radio personality. But I can appreciate him as an icon in the industry much like Howard Stern, Mark & Brian, Scott Shannon and a host of many others.
This incident is just going to make radio that much more difficult to o as a career and less fun for listeners to listen to. This kind of politically correct bullshit is going to abolish the human element from radio.
If radio station companies are going to buckle over every single complaint about what their jocks are saying on the air, they'll eventually replace all radio personalities with computers.
Radio became a goddamn police state after the whole Janet Jackson incident and "Nipplegate". Who would have thought that Janet's tits on TV would carry over to hefty fines on radio stations across the United States.
Why have there been fines? Because some people can't take a joke. Because we've become a society offended by everything. EVERYTHING! Many, many stations across the United States even went as far to edit out swear words from songs that they've been playing FOR YEARS. Are you kidding me? Ohhhhhhhh... so I'm supposed to forget they're saying "fuck" or "shit" or "goddamn" or "asshole" in a favorite Alice In Chains song, a Who song, a Rolling Stones song and so many other songs.
Let's not forget all the wonderful and colorful words and imagery we can hear in Top 40 and Rap/Hip Hop hits on the air RIGHT NOW!
Even if I were to get back into radio, I guarantee that I would be having no fun because everything coming out of my mouth would be censored because the station wouldn't want to suffer any kind of complaint or fine or anything.
Fuck that.
Now, I'm not saying that things that Don Imus said should be tolerated and laughed at. However, I'm trying to make it clear that sometimes people say things without thinking about the overall effect because they get caught up in the moment.
Take what happened to Michael Richards. I watched that video several times and was flabbergasted by how he blew up. But then I thought about the situation. I don't sincerely feel that he wasn't being racist more than hurtful.
I think he was up there trying to do his stand up and these guys in the audience were being rude and loud. He reacted by trying to be funny and heckling them back. Then it got more heated when these guys wouldn't shut up.
I feel that Michael was being as brutal as possible and melted down on stage because he was so angry by their behavior. He took the easiest and unfortunate way to deal with these guys by going off on their race. I believe he did this because he wanted to embarrass them as much as he felt embarrassed by them for their heckling.
But it does make you think if Michael Richards has issues with race with how venomous he was with his words. It's much like Mel Gibson and his ruthless anti-Semitic remarks when he was pulled over for drunk driving.
Let's face it, all of us have some kind thought regarding other races. We all poke fun and joke about other races including our own. But people like Don Imus or Michael Richards or Mel Gibson get carried away and make mountains out of molehills.
Actually, in the Don Imus and Michael Richards cases, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson made mountains out of molehills. Especially in the Don Imus case. I feel that Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson cause as much commotion as they can so they can suck up as much of the celebrity spotlight as much as they can. I don't think they give a damn about race issues more than they do their own advancement in certain professional and political circles.
Of course, I'm probably being called a racist right now by some. I may be thought of as insensitive and uncaring over those who may have been hurt by the remarks made by the likes of Don Imus, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson.
Well, I was shocked by all of these incidents. I've been involved with a racial situation that cost me my job and my career not long ago. Since then, I've been quiet about issues like these that happen.
I don't want to be quiet. I'm angry. It's all such pansy ass bullshit. Perhaps Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson need to have a talk with the shitheads that caused such strife about manners, respect and etiquette.
Maybe they need to realize that Don Imus was getting carried away by trying to be "hip" and, instead, came off looking like an old fart who made a bad choice of words thinking it was funny. And maybe Mel Gibson needs to get some daily therapy.
And, in the case of me, I need to have a better understanding of racial tolerance? I do. But I'm tired of feeling like I can't speak out about such issues because I was involved in one of my own that really took a toll on my life.
Do I agree with what Don Imus said? No. I've already pointed that out. I think he acted out of stupidity and came off looking like a douche bag. Michael Richards was angry because he was trying to perform and people kept interrupting. And Mel Gibson was drunk and was letting things from his upbringing come out.
Are these legitimate reasons to speak such harsh, racial words? To the people that speak them, yes. Look at the whole picture. Consider the circumstances. Stop buying into the one-sidedness of these issues and try to see beyond that.
I will always feel bad and hurt by the situation I was involved with a couple of years ago. I think about it a lot. It especially hits me hard when I see situations like Don Imus or Michael Richards and wonder if I, too, came off looking like that. I'm sure I did and I have to live with that. I'm ashamed of what happened and how it all turned out.
However, what started out as a bad situation from my words turned into a HUGE situation by the person affected by those words and blowing it all out of proportion. As a matter a fact, instead of just talking to me and members of management, this asshat decided to make a scene and threaten me with physical violence in the presence of co-workers during a staff meeting.
From my perspective, it went from a misunderstanding involving race to a serious situation involving someone who found it necessary to utilize the situation as a way stand on a soapbox and mislead people in what had actually occurred.
Actually, I'd like to say that the way this person acted towards me in this meeting was much like Michael Richards blowing up on stage during his stand up. This individual was looking to hurt and embarrass me in the most obvious way possible because he was very upset. And he accomplished that.
He also accomplished making an ass of himself, costing me my job and costing my former employer thousands of dollars paid to me for the unprofessional way they dealt with the situation from the start. I bet the individual that I offended and caused this commotion wishes they could have brought in Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to make it even more of a goddamn circus.
As you can see, I still have issues over this. Yeah, I got paid. But what does that fix? It's the same with Don Imus. Yes, he got fired... whoopee. But we all know damn well that he'll be back on the air, with more money, with another big broadcasting company.
Is Don Imus a racist? I don't think so. Is Michael Richards? I don't think so. Am I? NO! But I've been labeled as such by some just like these two.
One of my friends, who is an Arab, says that we're all racist in some form or fashion. He especially hates people from the East Coast. That makes me laugh so hard! People from the East Coast are a complete race to him and he doesn't like them.
That's awesome!
I don't know if I've explained my views well here or not. I guess my Arab friend is right. I've made it clear about my views regarding illegal Mexicans coming into this country and taking advantage of the system we have here.
Oh, don't get me started on that. Because if I've made any positive remarks or enlightenment with this blog, I'll ruin it with my views and frustrations involving the current illegal immigrants flooding our country.
I can't help but wonder what Howard Stern thinks of all this mess with Don Imus. I wonder if he feels Don Imus was wronged or if he's having a field day with his firing (since he and Imus are enemies) or if he's playing both sides of the issue.
Too bad I don't have satellite radio. Then I would know. Pretty soon we'll all need satellite radio because radio as we know it is going to get real lame, real quick.
Please welcome the latest in technology for AM/FM radio stations, a limited edition "George Orwell" Dell computer. It doesn't speak. It doesn't have an opinion. It doesn't raise awareness. It doesn't have a sense of humor. It doesn't take your calls. It doesn't have ideas. It doesn't entertain. It's perfect for any broadcaster looking to assist in creating a New World Order.
I miss radio and love it dearly. It's just too bad that shit like this is going to kill it for everyone.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
I've never cared for Don Imus as a radio personality. But I can appreciate him as an icon in the industry much like Howard Stern, Mark & Brian, Scott Shannon and a host of many others.
This incident is just going to make radio that much more difficult to o as a career and less fun for listeners to listen to. This kind of politically correct bullshit is going to abolish the human element from radio.
If radio station companies are going to buckle over every single complaint about what their jocks are saying on the air, they'll eventually replace all radio personalities with computers.
Radio became a goddamn police state after the whole Janet Jackson incident and "Nipplegate". Who would have thought that Janet's tits on TV would carry over to hefty fines on radio stations across the United States.
Why have there been fines? Because some people can't take a joke. Because we've become a society offended by everything. EVERYTHING! Many, many stations across the United States even went as far to edit out swear words from songs that they've been playing FOR YEARS. Are you kidding me? Ohhhhhhhh... so I'm supposed to forget they're saying "fuck" or "shit" or "goddamn" or "asshole" in a favorite Alice In Chains song, a Who song, a Rolling Stones song and so many other songs.
Let's not forget all the wonderful and colorful words and imagery we can hear in Top 40 and Rap/Hip Hop hits on the air RIGHT NOW!
Even if I were to get back into radio, I guarantee that I would be having no fun because everything coming out of my mouth would be censored because the station wouldn't want to suffer any kind of complaint or fine or anything.
Fuck that.
Now, I'm not saying that things that Don Imus said should be tolerated and laughed at. However, I'm trying to make it clear that sometimes people say things without thinking about the overall effect because they get caught up in the moment.
Take what happened to Michael Richards. I watched that video several times and was flabbergasted by how he blew up. But then I thought about the situation. I don't sincerely feel that he wasn't being racist more than hurtful.
I think he was up there trying to do his stand up and these guys in the audience were being rude and loud. He reacted by trying to be funny and heckling them back. Then it got more heated when these guys wouldn't shut up.
I feel that Michael was being as brutal as possible and melted down on stage because he was so angry by their behavior. He took the easiest and unfortunate way to deal with these guys by going off on their race. I believe he did this because he wanted to embarrass them as much as he felt embarrassed by them for their heckling.
But it does make you think if Michael Richards has issues with race with how venomous he was with his words. It's much like Mel Gibson and his ruthless anti-Semitic remarks when he was pulled over for drunk driving.
Let's face it, all of us have some kind thought regarding other races. We all poke fun and joke about other races including our own. But people like Don Imus or Michael Richards or Mel Gibson get carried away and make mountains out of molehills.
Actually, in the Don Imus and Michael Richards cases, Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson made mountains out of molehills. Especially in the Don Imus case. I feel that Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson cause as much commotion as they can so they can suck up as much of the celebrity spotlight as much as they can. I don't think they give a damn about race issues more than they do their own advancement in certain professional and political circles.
Of course, I'm probably being called a racist right now by some. I may be thought of as insensitive and uncaring over those who may have been hurt by the remarks made by the likes of Don Imus, Michael Richards and Mel Gibson.
Well, I was shocked by all of these incidents. I've been involved with a racial situation that cost me my job and my career not long ago. Since then, I've been quiet about issues like these that happen.
I don't want to be quiet. I'm angry. It's all such pansy ass bullshit. Perhaps Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson need to have a talk with the shitheads that caused such strife about manners, respect and etiquette.
Maybe they need to realize that Don Imus was getting carried away by trying to be "hip" and, instead, came off looking like an old fart who made a bad choice of words thinking it was funny. And maybe Mel Gibson needs to get some daily therapy.
And, in the case of me, I need to have a better understanding of racial tolerance? I do. But I'm tired of feeling like I can't speak out about such issues because I was involved in one of my own that really took a toll on my life.
Do I agree with what Don Imus said? No. I've already pointed that out. I think he acted out of stupidity and came off looking like a douche bag. Michael Richards was angry because he was trying to perform and people kept interrupting. And Mel Gibson was drunk and was letting things from his upbringing come out.
Are these legitimate reasons to speak such harsh, racial words? To the people that speak them, yes. Look at the whole picture. Consider the circumstances. Stop buying into the one-sidedness of these issues and try to see beyond that.
I will always feel bad and hurt by the situation I was involved with a couple of years ago. I think about it a lot. It especially hits me hard when I see situations like Don Imus or Michael Richards and wonder if I, too, came off looking like that. I'm sure I did and I have to live with that. I'm ashamed of what happened and how it all turned out.
However, what started out as a bad situation from my words turned into a HUGE situation by the person affected by those words and blowing it all out of proportion. As a matter a fact, instead of just talking to me and members of management, this asshat decided to make a scene and threaten me with physical violence in the presence of co-workers during a staff meeting.
From my perspective, it went from a misunderstanding involving race to a serious situation involving someone who found it necessary to utilize the situation as a way stand on a soapbox and mislead people in what had actually occurred.
Actually, I'd like to say that the way this person acted towards me in this meeting was much like Michael Richards blowing up on stage during his stand up. This individual was looking to hurt and embarrass me in the most obvious way possible because he was very upset. And he accomplished that.
He also accomplished making an ass of himself, costing me my job and costing my former employer thousands of dollars paid to me for the unprofessional way they dealt with the situation from the start. I bet the individual that I offended and caused this commotion wishes they could have brought in Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to make it even more of a goddamn circus.
As you can see, I still have issues over this. Yeah, I got paid. But what does that fix? It's the same with Don Imus. Yes, he got fired... whoopee. But we all know damn well that he'll be back on the air, with more money, with another big broadcasting company.
Is Don Imus a racist? I don't think so. Is Michael Richards? I don't think so. Am I? NO! But I've been labeled as such by some just like these two.
One of my friends, who is an Arab, says that we're all racist in some form or fashion. He especially hates people from the East Coast. That makes me laugh so hard! People from the East Coast are a complete race to him and he doesn't like them.
That's awesome!
I don't know if I've explained my views well here or not. I guess my Arab friend is right. I've made it clear about my views regarding illegal Mexicans coming into this country and taking advantage of the system we have here.
Oh, don't get me started on that. Because if I've made any positive remarks or enlightenment with this blog, I'll ruin it with my views and frustrations involving the current illegal immigrants flooding our country.
I can't help but wonder what Howard Stern thinks of all this mess with Don Imus. I wonder if he feels Don Imus was wronged or if he's having a field day with his firing (since he and Imus are enemies) or if he's playing both sides of the issue.
Too bad I don't have satellite radio. Then I would know. Pretty soon we'll all need satellite radio because radio as we know it is going to get real lame, real quick.
Please welcome the latest in technology for AM/FM radio stations, a limited edition "George Orwell" Dell computer. It doesn't speak. It doesn't have an opinion. It doesn't raise awareness. It doesn't have a sense of humor. It doesn't take your calls. It doesn't have ideas. It doesn't entertain. It's perfect for any broadcaster looking to assist in creating a New World Order.
I miss radio and love it dearly. It's just too bad that shit like this is going to kill it for everyone.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
McDonald's and their new coffee system
As you know, I LOVE to write blogs. Love it! And, it turns out, MANY of you read them. Well, thanks! I also like to read other people's blogs to see their take on the world around them.
Sometimes, I feel a blog by someone else is SO good, I just have to re-post it. Today, I'm going to bring you a blog (actually, more of a letter) that makes me laugh every time I read it.
The letter was written by my friend Ashley in Tucson, Arizona. She brings up a great and valid point about the way McDonald's is fucking way too much with their coffee. I totally agree with her viewpoint here and wanted to share it with all of you. My thanks to Ashley for letting me re-post this.
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Dear McDonald's,
Why the sudden Jewishness with the Splenda and creamers for the people you've oh-so-kindly gotten addicted to your formerly fantastic coffee? I can understand the need to save money what with the current raise in minimum wage, but hey! Putting the creamer and sweetener in EVERYONE'S coffee is the most ridiculous thing ever. There are many reasons I say this, its not only out of mere selfishness and fear of change when it comes to my morning coffee. First of all, you began a new ad campaign telling everyone how great your new "robust premium blend" coffee is, and I'll agree with the ads, it is surprisingly good coffee and I don't have to take out a second mortgage on my house to be able to afford a cup every day. It's good coffee. In fact, my morning is not complete unless I stop and get a cup from the drive-thru on my way to school. I also get coffee for the other 4 people in my lab group. It was a great thing to do up until a few weeks ago when I was ordering my usual five large coffees and the woman said through the drive-thru speaker, "How many creamers and sugars in each?"
"Huh? Uh, just give me a handful of creamers, a few packets of sugar, and a handful of Splendas."
"We don't have those anymore, we add it for you."
OK. I'm buying FIVE coffees. Only one of them is for me. I don't even know how many creamers and Splendas I put in my own coffee, let alone how much the other four people take in theirs. So obviously the woman at the window got pretty pissed at me when she had to wait on me to call all four of the people I was buying coffee for to ask them how many creamers and sugars they wanted in theirs and then she had to wait on me to think out loud how much I thought I needed in mine, which, in case you are curious was 3 creamers and 4 Splendas this particular time, and it was by no means the right combination to make my morning coffee taste heavenly like it would if I had been able to season it to my liking instead of having the sugar Nazi ration out my portions. The people in my lab group all agreed that they had no clue how many creamers or sweeteners they took in their coffee, it's just something that you put in until it's right for you.
Case and point, rationing out the creamer and sweetener is lame and whoever thought that up is probably going to be lynched by a mob of angry caffeine addicts who are having to forego their morning cup(s) because simply put, this new "moneysaving" idea makes their coffee taste like ass and no one wants to start their morning off by drinking a big ol' mug of butt release. It's bad enough just having to go to work. You want to save money by rationing something? Ration mayonnaise. I think the benefits of this one would far outweigh the benefits of rationing essentials for coffee. Why? Think of the amounts of mayonnaise used on McDonald's products. Take a look at statistics: a whopping 64.5% of Americans are overweight and 30.5% are considered obese (stole that one from www.obesity.org). Take a look at the person who orders extra mayonnaise on their Big and Tasty and note the size of their ass. Compare that to the ass size of the person who orders a coffee with an artificial sweetener and a few creamers and while you're at it, do a cholesterol check, too. Compare the caloric intake of mayonnaise with that of coffee. Do some math. Figure out what the bad shit is, and do us all a favor while saving some money... and yeah, I'm sure some fat ass will complain about the mayonnaise rationing like I'm complaining about the recent change with creamer and sugar and Splenda... but you know what? Fuck them. I'm more important.
Also, bring back the coffee stirrers, the process of diffusion does not really stir coffee as well as you think it does...
There, I feel better now. Amazing the therapeutic effect that writing letters that I have no intention of sending has...
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I almost feel like mailing this letter to McDonald's. I'd add my own letter pointing out some of these same issues and some of my own. I'd also ask that their employees go back to speaking English.
Anyway, I'm off to create a couple of more blogs on my last day off. I have a few more things on my mind that I need to sound off about.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Sometimes, I feel a blog by someone else is SO good, I just have to re-post it. Today, I'm going to bring you a blog (actually, more of a letter) that makes me laugh every time I read it.
The letter was written by my friend Ashley in Tucson, Arizona. She brings up a great and valid point about the way McDonald's is fucking way too much with their coffee. I totally agree with her viewpoint here and wanted to share it with all of you. My thanks to Ashley for letting me re-post this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear McDonald's,
Why the sudden Jewishness with the Splenda and creamers for the people you've oh-so-kindly gotten addicted to your formerly fantastic coffee? I can understand the need to save money what with the current raise in minimum wage, but hey! Putting the creamer and sweetener in EVERYONE'S coffee is the most ridiculous thing ever. There are many reasons I say this, its not only out of mere selfishness and fear of change when it comes to my morning coffee. First of all, you began a new ad campaign telling everyone how great your new "robust premium blend" coffee is, and I'll agree with the ads, it is surprisingly good coffee and I don't have to take out a second mortgage on my house to be able to afford a cup every day. It's good coffee. In fact, my morning is not complete unless I stop and get a cup from the drive-thru on my way to school. I also get coffee for the other 4 people in my lab group. It was a great thing to do up until a few weeks ago when I was ordering my usual five large coffees and the woman said through the drive-thru speaker, "How many creamers and sugars in each?"
"Huh? Uh, just give me a handful of creamers, a few packets of sugar, and a handful of Splendas."
"We don't have those anymore, we add it for you."
OK. I'm buying FIVE coffees. Only one of them is for me. I don't even know how many creamers and Splendas I put in my own coffee, let alone how much the other four people take in theirs. So obviously the woman at the window got pretty pissed at me when she had to wait on me to call all four of the people I was buying coffee for to ask them how many creamers and sugars they wanted in theirs and then she had to wait on me to think out loud how much I thought I needed in mine, which, in case you are curious was 3 creamers and 4 Splendas this particular time, and it was by no means the right combination to make my morning coffee taste heavenly like it would if I had been able to season it to my liking instead of having the sugar Nazi ration out my portions. The people in my lab group all agreed that they had no clue how many creamers or sweeteners they took in their coffee, it's just something that you put in until it's right for you.
Case and point, rationing out the creamer and sweetener is lame and whoever thought that up is probably going to be lynched by a mob of angry caffeine addicts who are having to forego their morning cup(s) because simply put, this new "moneysaving" idea makes their coffee taste like ass and no one wants to start their morning off by drinking a big ol' mug of butt release. It's bad enough just having to go to work. You want to save money by rationing something? Ration mayonnaise. I think the benefits of this one would far outweigh the benefits of rationing essentials for coffee. Why? Think of the amounts of mayonnaise used on McDonald's products. Take a look at statistics: a whopping 64.5% of Americans are overweight and 30.5% are considered obese (stole that one from www.obesity.org). Take a look at the person who orders extra mayonnaise on their Big and Tasty and note the size of their ass. Compare that to the ass size of the person who orders a coffee with an artificial sweetener and a few creamers and while you're at it, do a cholesterol check, too. Compare the caloric intake of mayonnaise with that of coffee. Do some math. Figure out what the bad shit is, and do us all a favor while saving some money... and yeah, I'm sure some fat ass will complain about the mayonnaise rationing like I'm complaining about the recent change with creamer and sugar and Splenda... but you know what? Fuck them. I'm more important.
Also, bring back the coffee stirrers, the process of diffusion does not really stir coffee as well as you think it does...
There, I feel better now. Amazing the therapeutic effect that writing letters that I have no intention of sending has...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I almost feel like mailing this letter to McDonald's. I'd add my own letter pointing out some of these same issues and some of my own. I'd also ask that their employees go back to speaking English.
Anyway, I'm off to create a couple of more blogs on my last day off. I have a few more things on my mind that I need to sound off about.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
4.14.2007
Everyday should be "National Hug Your Parks Maintenance Worker" day
I don't know if such a holiday exists. If not, I'm going to be at the forefront of such a crusade. I'll write my local congressman to enact such a holiday. And on the actual "National Hug Your Parks Maintenance Worker" day, all parks personnel will take the day off and anyone entering a park will be required to maintain it or be shot on site.
Some of you really need to appreciate your park systems better. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to maintain just one park? Do you know the amount of work that goes into making them look nice? Do you know what some people do in the bathrooms? Do you ever wonder who has to clean up after YOU being a sloppy, inconsiderate shit?
Well, I'm here to tell you... ME! That's right. All across these great United States you'll find some wonderful parks. You encounter local parks, state parks and national parks. There are THOUSANDS of people employed by government agencies to keep YOUR parks looking nice.
How about walking up to one of these hard working Parks Maintenance Workers and saying "thank you"? I think a "thank you" is in order from anyone who appreciates a park. And how can you NOT appreciate a park? Parks are a meeting place of beauty and fun for the entire family!
Much like my railroad job where I preached about being safe while around railroad crossings, let me now preach about picking up after yourself in a public park.
PICK UP YOUR TRASH, first and foremost. If you're going to fornicate in a public park or in a public park restroom, clean up after yourself. If you're going to use a public park restroom, use the toilet and not the floor. Don't use the public park restrooms to do other things in like freebasing, sex or satanic rituals involving goats.
Be courteous to those who have to maintain YOUR parks as well as those other citizens who are also utilizing the parks. Be clean. Be civil. Be a human being who cares about themselves and those around them.
And, most of all, show some respect and appreciation to those behind the scenes who do their best to keep things running smooth and looking top notch.
It wasn't until I took this job that I came to realize how thoughtless some people can be. Especially younger people. We have a park that is behind Bingham High School that gets trashed A LOT.
I don't know who had such a bright idea to put a park, complete with bathroom facilities, behind a high school but they should be fired. This just encourages some young people to enact their "dipshit factor" and vandalize whatever is in site.
Last week at this park, someone ripped out a toilet. A TOILET!
In another hidden away park known as Jordan Ridge Park, someone set the trash cans on fire. ON FIRE!
I could give you a list of things I've seen in our park system that is so maddening you could strangle whomever is responsible. I swear if I ever catch someone fucking up one of our parks (or any park I'm in anywhere), I'm going to fuck someone's shit up!
I have two parks I oversee on a regular basis. It just so happens they are the most high profile parks we have in South Jordan. They also contain the most acreage. I believe we have 60 acres of land to maintain in a four day work week. The other parks amount to about 40 or so acres.
The two parks I assist in maintaining with my co-worker and team lead, Reggie, are City Park and River Front Park.
These are HUGE parks. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, River Front Park is so big it has an East and West side.
City Park is not only the park itself but all the city owned land around it that houses our maintenance building, the South Jordan Recreation Center, the South Jordan Senior Center and South Jordan Fire Department #1.
It takes us two days to do River Front Park. That's pretty good considering I'm still new and learning and there is only two people to cover that kind of ground. City Park, however, we weren't able to finish this week.
We got most of the mowing done in this park and I did A LOT of trimming in the park. Actually, on Thursday and Friday, 12 hours of my time went to trimming around many areas of City Park including the building facilities.
Trimming, as I've come to find it, is quite the art form. You have to hold the trimmer and such an angle to get a good, clean cut. You also have to maintain that hold and angle with every move.
This is difficult after a while and very tiring. But once you get the hang of it, it becomes less difficult. But it doesn't become less tiring or back breaking. Trimming, of all things I've done yet, is the hardest.
I am proud of the work I did last week and can see the difference in the park when it's properly mowed and trimmed. Sometimes, depending on grass growth and other factors, there are other things you need to do. Such as edging and pulling weeds.
In a given week, my job consists of pulling unsightly weeds from around children's playgrounds, pavilions, bathrooms, tree rings, walkways and flower beds. There is massive mowing jobs with all the acres of grass we maintain. There is also trimming around all these pieces of land.
There is trash to be emptied and trash to be picked up out of the parks and parking lots. There is clean checks we have to do on the bathrooms and general maintenance to do to keep them clean and stocked with toilet paper.
There is blowing we have to do of all grass clippings from mowing and trimming we must do after we get done with mowing and trimming. All sidewalks and trails must be blown off of these clippings to make the parks look even better. This includes blowing out the gutters, too.
We also have to pinpoint any irrigation problems and fix them if they are simple. If not, we need to make arrangements to get one of our people out to fix the problem.
There is a bit more to my job duties but these are some major things I do (along with everyone else I work with) on a daily basis. Plus, if one crew is having a hard time or is short staffed, we may get called off our property to go assist that crew.
So far, our entire crew is doing an AMAZING job. This blog is in no way meant to sound like whining. It is a way to give you a perspective on the amount of work that goes into taking care of public parks.
So, the next time you're in a public park, think of me and my co-workers. Think of the people who are making your park a wonderful place to go to with your family or friends.
Most of all, clean up after yourself because it is YOUR park, after all. Sure, I get paid government dollars (taxpayer money) to clean up and maintain public parks and I'm completely happy to do it.
But consider that amount of money being put towards something else for us to do. Like new parks and such. It's a shame that some time has to be wasted because we have to take time away from general maintenance like mowing and trimming to replace a toilet or trash cans because someone was inconsiderate.
When people do such things, they're eventually paying for it out of their own pocket. DUH! By the way, don't break off sprinkler heads, okay? And if you notice a problem in your park, notify someone as soon as possible.
So the next time you're in a park enjoying the land, the trees, the facilities, the flowers, etc... think about all the work that goes into that and the people who do it.
You're welcome.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Some of you really need to appreciate your park systems better. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to maintain just one park? Do you know the amount of work that goes into making them look nice? Do you know what some people do in the bathrooms? Do you ever wonder who has to clean up after YOU being a sloppy, inconsiderate shit?
Well, I'm here to tell you... ME! That's right. All across these great United States you'll find some wonderful parks. You encounter local parks, state parks and national parks. There are THOUSANDS of people employed by government agencies to keep YOUR parks looking nice.
How about walking up to one of these hard working Parks Maintenance Workers and saying "thank you"? I think a "thank you" is in order from anyone who appreciates a park. And how can you NOT appreciate a park? Parks are a meeting place of beauty and fun for the entire family!
Much like my railroad job where I preached about being safe while around railroad crossings, let me now preach about picking up after yourself in a public park.
PICK UP YOUR TRASH, first and foremost. If you're going to fornicate in a public park or in a public park restroom, clean up after yourself. If you're going to use a public park restroom, use the toilet and not the floor. Don't use the public park restrooms to do other things in like freebasing, sex or satanic rituals involving goats.
Be courteous to those who have to maintain YOUR parks as well as those other citizens who are also utilizing the parks. Be clean. Be civil. Be a human being who cares about themselves and those around them.
And, most of all, show some respect and appreciation to those behind the scenes who do their best to keep things running smooth and looking top notch.
It wasn't until I took this job that I came to realize how thoughtless some people can be. Especially younger people. We have a park that is behind Bingham High School that gets trashed A LOT.
I don't know who had such a bright idea to put a park, complete with bathroom facilities, behind a high school but they should be fired. This just encourages some young people to enact their "dipshit factor" and vandalize whatever is in site.
Last week at this park, someone ripped out a toilet. A TOILET!
In another hidden away park known as Jordan Ridge Park, someone set the trash cans on fire. ON FIRE!
I could give you a list of things I've seen in our park system that is so maddening you could strangle whomever is responsible. I swear if I ever catch someone fucking up one of our parks (or any park I'm in anywhere), I'm going to fuck someone's shit up!
I have two parks I oversee on a regular basis. It just so happens they are the most high profile parks we have in South Jordan. They also contain the most acreage. I believe we have 60 acres of land to maintain in a four day work week. The other parks amount to about 40 or so acres.
The two parks I assist in maintaining with my co-worker and team lead, Reggie, are City Park and River Front Park.
These are HUGE parks. As I've mentioned in a previous blog, River Front Park is so big it has an East and West side.
City Park is not only the park itself but all the city owned land around it that houses our maintenance building, the South Jordan Recreation Center, the South Jordan Senior Center and South Jordan Fire Department #1.
It takes us two days to do River Front Park. That's pretty good considering I'm still new and learning and there is only two people to cover that kind of ground. City Park, however, we weren't able to finish this week.
We got most of the mowing done in this park and I did A LOT of trimming in the park. Actually, on Thursday and Friday, 12 hours of my time went to trimming around many areas of City Park including the building facilities.
Trimming, as I've come to find it, is quite the art form. You have to hold the trimmer and such an angle to get a good, clean cut. You also have to maintain that hold and angle with every move.
This is difficult after a while and very tiring. But once you get the hang of it, it becomes less difficult. But it doesn't become less tiring or back breaking. Trimming, of all things I've done yet, is the hardest.
I am proud of the work I did last week and can see the difference in the park when it's properly mowed and trimmed. Sometimes, depending on grass growth and other factors, there are other things you need to do. Such as edging and pulling weeds.
In a given week, my job consists of pulling unsightly weeds from around children's playgrounds, pavilions, bathrooms, tree rings, walkways and flower beds. There is massive mowing jobs with all the acres of grass we maintain. There is also trimming around all these pieces of land.
There is trash to be emptied and trash to be picked up out of the parks and parking lots. There is clean checks we have to do on the bathrooms and general maintenance to do to keep them clean and stocked with toilet paper.
There is blowing we have to do of all grass clippings from mowing and trimming we must do after we get done with mowing and trimming. All sidewalks and trails must be blown off of these clippings to make the parks look even better. This includes blowing out the gutters, too.
We also have to pinpoint any irrigation problems and fix them if they are simple. If not, we need to make arrangements to get one of our people out to fix the problem.
There is a bit more to my job duties but these are some major things I do (along with everyone else I work with) on a daily basis. Plus, if one crew is having a hard time or is short staffed, we may get called off our property to go assist that crew.
So far, our entire crew is doing an AMAZING job. This blog is in no way meant to sound like whining. It is a way to give you a perspective on the amount of work that goes into taking care of public parks.
So, the next time you're in a public park, think of me and my co-workers. Think of the people who are making your park a wonderful place to go to with your family or friends.
Most of all, clean up after yourself because it is YOUR park, after all. Sure, I get paid government dollars (taxpayer money) to clean up and maintain public parks and I'm completely happy to do it.
But consider that amount of money being put towards something else for us to do. Like new parks and such. It's a shame that some time has to be wasted because we have to take time away from general maintenance like mowing and trimming to replace a toilet or trash cans because someone was inconsiderate.
When people do such things, they're eventually paying for it out of their own pocket. DUH! By the way, don't break off sprinkler heads, okay? And if you notice a problem in your park, notify someone as soon as possible.
So the next time you're in a park enjoying the land, the trees, the facilities, the flowers, etc... think about all the work that goes into that and the people who do it.
You're welcome.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Mike's Top 20
I picked a really bad time to sell my iPod. Of all the jobs I could use an iPod, this job I have now would be one of them. I'd love to cruise around on the ol' Dixie Chopper or Jacobsen riding mowers while jamming out to such hits like "Mother" by Danzig or "Rainbow In The Dark" by Dio or "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson.
Alas, all I can do is hum such tunes while cruising around cutting grass all day. Well, those are just three random songs that popped into my head. They didn't make my list this week nor have I been humming them. I did sing the chorus of "Rainbow In The Dark" earlier this week, though.
Here is my weekly Top 20 songs I was enjoying last week.
20: Recoil "Faith Healer"
19: The Police "Shadows In The Rain"
18: Meryn Cadell "The Sweater"
17: The Guess Who "No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature"
16: Keane "Everybody's Changing"
15: The Rolling Stones "Brown Sugar"
14: Queen "Bicycle Race"
13: Kazzer "Pedal To The Metal"
12: David Lee Roth "California Girls"
11: Depeche Mode "Behind The Wheel/Route 66"
10: Coyote Shivers "Sugar High"
09: XTC "The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead"
08: AC/DC "Big Balls"
07: Nico "These Days"
06: Jesus Jones "Real, Real, Real"
05: Hot Action Cop "Fever For The Flava"
04: Pepper "Give It Up"
03: Pet Shop Boys "Go West"
02: Neil Diamond "Cherry, Cherry"
01: The Beatles "Hello Goodbye"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Alas, all I can do is hum such tunes while cruising around cutting grass all day. Well, those are just three random songs that popped into my head. They didn't make my list this week nor have I been humming them. I did sing the chorus of "Rainbow In The Dark" earlier this week, though.
Here is my weekly Top 20 songs I was enjoying last week.
20: Recoil "Faith Healer"
19: The Police "Shadows In The Rain"
18: Meryn Cadell "The Sweater"
17: The Guess Who "No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature"
16: Keane "Everybody's Changing"
15: The Rolling Stones "Brown Sugar"
14: Queen "Bicycle Race"
13: Kazzer "Pedal To The Metal"
12: David Lee Roth "California Girls"
11: Depeche Mode "Behind The Wheel/Route 66"
10: Coyote Shivers "Sugar High"
09: XTC "The Ballad Of Peter Pumpkinhead"
08: AC/DC "Big Balls"
07: Nico "These Days"
06: Jesus Jones "Real, Real, Real"
05: Hot Action Cop "Fever For The Flava"
04: Pepper "Give It Up"
03: Pet Shop Boys "Go West"
02: Neil Diamond "Cherry, Cherry"
01: The Beatles "Hello Goodbye"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Someone pass me a match so that I may burn this bridge
I'll be the first to admit that I have always had a problem with putting my foot in my mouth. Over the years, when things or people have gotten to me to where I just can't take it, I'll say something or do something that I'll soon regret.
There have been times when I haven't had regret over speaking up or throwing a tantrum. But, in retrospect, I know now that diplomacy in any of these events would have been so much more beneficial.
So the irony here is the fact I'm about to say something that is just eating at me. I'm sure it will cause a rift but I just don't care because it really isn't that big of a deal. I also know I won't regret it because it was bullshit from the start.
I'd like to acknowledge and call out the program director of 94.9 The Blaze. His name is Kayvon. I've mentioned him in a couple of previous blogs regarding how he and I spoke about me joining the staff of 94.9 The Blaze part time.
Well, it would seem this guy lied to me. He either A:) never had any intention of hiring me and was just going through the motions to get me to stop calling him, B:) had an intention of hiring me but then was too lazy to follow through or C:) had an intention of hiring me but the plan to do so fell through for whatever reason.
My point here is I DON'T KNOW. Therefore, this guy is a serious asshole in my book. A raging, goddamn asshole. How fucking hard is it to keep someone abreast of your intentions regarding their future employment? WHAT THE FUCK?
First, let me take you back to a time when I first met Kayvon. Ironically, he and I worked for 94.9 back when it was known as "Hot 94.9". This was around 1993.
Some of this story may have been already relayed in a previous blog or two. So forgive me if I wind up repeating myself here.
I had been working for Hot 94.9 for about eight months before Kayvon came on board to Hot 94.9. If memory serves, Kayvon was working part time on HOt 94.9 as well as doing some time on our sister station, 106.5 The Score. The Score was an FM sports station at the time.
Hot 94.9 had been bought by this guy named Chris Devine. Chris had made A LOT of money with some radio stations he owned in Chicago. He also owned KBER 101 here in Salt Lake that was the heritage rock station.
Soon, Hot 94.9 would be the sister station of KBER 101 on the top floor of the Walker Center annex in downtown Salt Lake City. All of the staff helped moved the studios from 300 West and 200 South a few blocks East to 19 East and 200 South.
I remember moving the station in the middle of the night and in the middle of a snowstorm. Several of us had to assist the engineer in hoisting a large antenna array to the top of the elevator shaft on top of the Walker Center Annex. It was about 11 stories up.
Once on top of the elevator shaft with the antenna, we used 2x4's to lift the large, round antenna up a 10' pole to the engineer (who was standing on a ladder) so he could bolt it to the top of the pole. It was cold, snowing and slightly scary. Not too mention hard because the antenna weighed so much.
Anyway, Kayvon came to join the airstaff of Hot 94.9 after meeting Chris Devine on a airline flight out of Chicago. It turns out that Kayvon was working as a waiter in a restaurant in Chicago and just happened to serve Chris's table.
Kayvon recognized Chris on this flight and struck up a conversation with him. Then one thing lead to another and soon Kayvon would be working on the radio in Salt LAke City. If I remember correctly, Kayvon had family in Salt Lake so it all worked out quite well for him.
I just recently learned of this story from Kayvon himself when he had me to The Blaze studios (Millcreek Broadcasting/Marathon Media) to talk to me about doing part time on The Blaze.
One of the big reasons Kayvon and I go back is because he became my replacement on the morning show I had become a part of back in 1993 on Hot 94.9.
During that time, we had hired Kerry Jackson from the original KJQ as our morning show host. The original KJQ finally went under and Kerry Jackson became our morning show host for a few months.
I have a WHOLE story about Kerry Jackson and KJQ since I was a part of the second coming of KJQ that fell flat on it's face. Luckily, I had been offered a gig at Hot 94.9 before the fallout happened.
I'm all over with my storytelling here. Let me get back on track.
Kerry had been in secret dealings with X96 to rejoin his old morning show partner, Bill Allred, and bring back the morning show known as "Radio From Hell". When X96 gave final approval, Kerry gave his notice at Hot 94.9.
Now Hot 94.9 was going to need a new morning show. They turned to our afternoon guy, Mike Stalker. Mike was a mentor of mine in the radio industry. He had helped me get my start early on in my radio career.
When Mike was selected to create a new morning show, I went to him and asked if I could help out on the show from time to time. He did one better and said I could help host the show. I had only been in radio for about two years and here I was being given the opportunity of a lifetime.
The show would be called "Mike's In The Morning". And it was great fun in the beginning. Unfortunately, it would come to a screaming halt when Mike and I would get into an argument so big, it would cost us both.
It was two days before Thanksgiving in 1993. Mike had become irritated because I hadn't been really focusing much on the morning show and showing up late to work. To his credit he had a right to be pissed.
I had started to become disenfranchised with the show because of Mike's overbearing ego. Of all the people I've worked with, Mike Stalker had one of the worst egos I've ever encountered. Second to Mike would be this fucker Chris Payne in Reno, Nevada.
Anyway, on the fateful November morning, Mike and I were on edge. He was angry with me for my laziness and I at him for his ego.
A couple of hours into the show, Mike started in on me about my laziness and attitude. He expressed his frustration while also telling me that he wanted to assist me to succeed because Mike's In The Morning was going to be big.
While he was going off, I heard him play a commercial TWICE. This was back in the day where we did everything by hand. Our commercials were on carts and so was our music. Carts are similar to 8-Tracks.
When I heard him do this, I started to laugh. When he asked what was so funny, I explained that he had already played that commercial. He said that was untrue and I kept laughing. I found it funny because his ego didn't allow him to make mistakes nor fess up to them.
My laughing, on top of his understandable frustrations towards my attitude, make him snap. He flat out told me that if I didn't stop laughing he was going to punch me in the face.
Well, I stopped laughing and my happiness over his minor screw up turned into rage. I yelled at him for threatening me and that he had no right. He yelled back. I yelled some more. We got closer to each other in the course of the argument.
Finally, I just told him I was leaving. I didn't like being a part of the show anymore and I walked off. I left right in the middle of our show.
I also fired myself in doing so. During our argument, people were starting to show up for work that morning. Sales staff, promotions people, administrative people and, more importantly, our general manager.
When our general manager heard the fight and saw me leave, she took that as a sign that I had quit. I was just upset. I think Mike knew that, too, and we would have worked through it. Alas, that didn't happen.
I was 19 or 20 at the time this all went down. I was still living at home (STILL? Ironic I've wound up in the same goddamn place 14 years later) and I went home and just broke down in front of my mom. I was really, really upset.
A couple of days later, Mike called to apologize for everything that had happened. He claimed he even went to bat for me with the general manager explaining I hadn't quit. But the GM wasn't having that and I was done for. I had to return my station keys and parking pass.
Enter Kayvon.
Kayvon was given the opportunity to replace me on the "Mike's In The Morning" show. He changed his named to Mike Slater so they could keep the show that had been established with Mike and myself.
I remember once Kayvon apologizing to me shortly after getting the show because he thought I would be mad at him. The thought had never popped into my mind to be mad at him. I was the one that fucked up. He had nothing to do with it.
In a way, if I may be so bold, he has me to thank (in a small way) for where he is now.
Yet here I sit angry with Kayvon for jerking my chain. I spoke with him on my birthday, February 21st, about doing part time on The Blaze. During that meeting, he told me that he'd call me in a couple of weeks and get the ball rolling.
Two weeks later, no call. So I called him to follow up... twice. Two weeks after that, he called me to return those calls. He also asked for my patience because things were just crazy around the station.
Two weeks after that, I call him again. During the short conversation, he explains he has to go because there are people in his office. But he makes sure to tell me he'll call me in half an hour and repeats my phone number for verification.
He never calls.
A few days after that, I call him and tell him on his voicemail what an asshole I feel he is for pulling such a stunt. I also make it clear that I not only don't deserve it but I'm too old and have too many years of experience to tolerate this over a part time job.
Therefore, FUCK YOU, Kayvon.
This is a bridge worth burning because I don't think the guy was really ever sure he wanted to or could hire me. Instead of keeping me in the loop, he decided to be a cocksucker and push me aside like some kind of afterthought.
Fuck you, Kayvon. Fuck you very much.
I'm not angry because I don't have the job. I'm angry because I feel lied to. What was the point to any of his actions? I don't only feel lied to but betrayed slightly. I never did anything to this guy to deserve such actions. What an asshole.
The other day I saw The Blaze promotional vehicle outside a car dealership not too far from where I live. I wanted to pull over and slash its goddamn tires. Instead, I just flipped it off. YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BLAZE VAN?! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
WHY OH WHY do I even care so much? This is too much energy to waste on something so trivial. I guess it isn't trivial when my professional and personal feelings were hurt by this fuckstick.
Oh well.
Now that I've written about this, I will also forgive Kayvon for his actions towards me. In this time of my life where I'm trying to be more positive and turn the negative into good, I will take what I've just stated and make amends with Kayvon for being so negligent.
There. I feel better already.
Uh-oh... looks like this bridge is kind of burning out of control. Better call the fire department to help calm things down.
I was really looking forward to working with Kayvon again and on the 94.9 frequency. That, above all else, is really the biggest let down out of this whole mess.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
There have been times when I haven't had regret over speaking up or throwing a tantrum. But, in retrospect, I know now that diplomacy in any of these events would have been so much more beneficial.
So the irony here is the fact I'm about to say something that is just eating at me. I'm sure it will cause a rift but I just don't care because it really isn't that big of a deal. I also know I won't regret it because it was bullshit from the start.
I'd like to acknowledge and call out the program director of 94.9 The Blaze. His name is Kayvon. I've mentioned him in a couple of previous blogs regarding how he and I spoke about me joining the staff of 94.9 The Blaze part time.
Well, it would seem this guy lied to me. He either A:) never had any intention of hiring me and was just going through the motions to get me to stop calling him, B:) had an intention of hiring me but then was too lazy to follow through or C:) had an intention of hiring me but the plan to do so fell through for whatever reason.
My point here is I DON'T KNOW. Therefore, this guy is a serious asshole in my book. A raging, goddamn asshole. How fucking hard is it to keep someone abreast of your intentions regarding their future employment? WHAT THE FUCK?
First, let me take you back to a time when I first met Kayvon. Ironically, he and I worked for 94.9 back when it was known as "Hot 94.9". This was around 1993.
Some of this story may have been already relayed in a previous blog or two. So forgive me if I wind up repeating myself here.
I had been working for Hot 94.9 for about eight months before Kayvon came on board to Hot 94.9. If memory serves, Kayvon was working part time on HOt 94.9 as well as doing some time on our sister station, 106.5 The Score. The Score was an FM sports station at the time.
Hot 94.9 had been bought by this guy named Chris Devine. Chris had made A LOT of money with some radio stations he owned in Chicago. He also owned KBER 101 here in Salt Lake that was the heritage rock station.
Soon, Hot 94.9 would be the sister station of KBER 101 on the top floor of the Walker Center annex in downtown Salt Lake City. All of the staff helped moved the studios from 300 West and 200 South a few blocks East to 19 East and 200 South.
I remember moving the station in the middle of the night and in the middle of a snowstorm. Several of us had to assist the engineer in hoisting a large antenna array to the top of the elevator shaft on top of the Walker Center Annex. It was about 11 stories up.
Once on top of the elevator shaft with the antenna, we used 2x4's to lift the large, round antenna up a 10' pole to the engineer (who was standing on a ladder) so he could bolt it to the top of the pole. It was cold, snowing and slightly scary. Not too mention hard because the antenna weighed so much.
Anyway, Kayvon came to join the airstaff of Hot 94.9 after meeting Chris Devine on a airline flight out of Chicago. It turns out that Kayvon was working as a waiter in a restaurant in Chicago and just happened to serve Chris's table.
Kayvon recognized Chris on this flight and struck up a conversation with him. Then one thing lead to another and soon Kayvon would be working on the radio in Salt LAke City. If I remember correctly, Kayvon had family in Salt Lake so it all worked out quite well for him.
I just recently learned of this story from Kayvon himself when he had me to The Blaze studios (Millcreek Broadcasting/Marathon Media) to talk to me about doing part time on The Blaze.
One of the big reasons Kayvon and I go back is because he became my replacement on the morning show I had become a part of back in 1993 on Hot 94.9.
During that time, we had hired Kerry Jackson from the original KJQ as our morning show host. The original KJQ finally went under and Kerry Jackson became our morning show host for a few months.
I have a WHOLE story about Kerry Jackson and KJQ since I was a part of the second coming of KJQ that fell flat on it's face. Luckily, I had been offered a gig at Hot 94.9 before the fallout happened.
I'm all over with my storytelling here. Let me get back on track.
Kerry had been in secret dealings with X96 to rejoin his old morning show partner, Bill Allred, and bring back the morning show known as "Radio From Hell". When X96 gave final approval, Kerry gave his notice at Hot 94.9.
Now Hot 94.9 was going to need a new morning show. They turned to our afternoon guy, Mike Stalker. Mike was a mentor of mine in the radio industry. He had helped me get my start early on in my radio career.
When Mike was selected to create a new morning show, I went to him and asked if I could help out on the show from time to time. He did one better and said I could help host the show. I had only been in radio for about two years and here I was being given the opportunity of a lifetime.
The show would be called "Mike's In The Morning". And it was great fun in the beginning. Unfortunately, it would come to a screaming halt when Mike and I would get into an argument so big, it would cost us both.
It was two days before Thanksgiving in 1993. Mike had become irritated because I hadn't been really focusing much on the morning show and showing up late to work. To his credit he had a right to be pissed.
I had started to become disenfranchised with the show because of Mike's overbearing ego. Of all the people I've worked with, Mike Stalker had one of the worst egos I've ever encountered. Second to Mike would be this fucker Chris Payne in Reno, Nevada.
Anyway, on the fateful November morning, Mike and I were on edge. He was angry with me for my laziness and I at him for his ego.
A couple of hours into the show, Mike started in on me about my laziness and attitude. He expressed his frustration while also telling me that he wanted to assist me to succeed because Mike's In The Morning was going to be big.
While he was going off, I heard him play a commercial TWICE. This was back in the day where we did everything by hand. Our commercials were on carts and so was our music. Carts are similar to 8-Tracks.
When I heard him do this, I started to laugh. When he asked what was so funny, I explained that he had already played that commercial. He said that was untrue and I kept laughing. I found it funny because his ego didn't allow him to make mistakes nor fess up to them.
My laughing, on top of his understandable frustrations towards my attitude, make him snap. He flat out told me that if I didn't stop laughing he was going to punch me in the face.
Well, I stopped laughing and my happiness over his minor screw up turned into rage. I yelled at him for threatening me and that he had no right. He yelled back. I yelled some more. We got closer to each other in the course of the argument.
Finally, I just told him I was leaving. I didn't like being a part of the show anymore and I walked off. I left right in the middle of our show.
I also fired myself in doing so. During our argument, people were starting to show up for work that morning. Sales staff, promotions people, administrative people and, more importantly, our general manager.
When our general manager heard the fight and saw me leave, she took that as a sign that I had quit. I was just upset. I think Mike knew that, too, and we would have worked through it. Alas, that didn't happen.
I was 19 or 20 at the time this all went down. I was still living at home (STILL? Ironic I've wound up in the same goddamn place 14 years later) and I went home and just broke down in front of my mom. I was really, really upset.
A couple of days later, Mike called to apologize for everything that had happened. He claimed he even went to bat for me with the general manager explaining I hadn't quit. But the GM wasn't having that and I was done for. I had to return my station keys and parking pass.
Enter Kayvon.
Kayvon was given the opportunity to replace me on the "Mike's In The Morning" show. He changed his named to Mike Slater so they could keep the show that had been established with Mike and myself.
I remember once Kayvon apologizing to me shortly after getting the show because he thought I would be mad at him. The thought had never popped into my mind to be mad at him. I was the one that fucked up. He had nothing to do with it.
In a way, if I may be so bold, he has me to thank (in a small way) for where he is now.
Yet here I sit angry with Kayvon for jerking my chain. I spoke with him on my birthday, February 21st, about doing part time on The Blaze. During that meeting, he told me that he'd call me in a couple of weeks and get the ball rolling.
Two weeks later, no call. So I called him to follow up... twice. Two weeks after that, he called me to return those calls. He also asked for my patience because things were just crazy around the station.
Two weeks after that, I call him again. During the short conversation, he explains he has to go because there are people in his office. But he makes sure to tell me he'll call me in half an hour and repeats my phone number for verification.
He never calls.
A few days after that, I call him and tell him on his voicemail what an asshole I feel he is for pulling such a stunt. I also make it clear that I not only don't deserve it but I'm too old and have too many years of experience to tolerate this over a part time job.
Therefore, FUCK YOU, Kayvon.
This is a bridge worth burning because I don't think the guy was really ever sure he wanted to or could hire me. Instead of keeping me in the loop, he decided to be a cocksucker and push me aside like some kind of afterthought.
Fuck you, Kayvon. Fuck you very much.
I'm not angry because I don't have the job. I'm angry because I feel lied to. What was the point to any of his actions? I don't only feel lied to but betrayed slightly. I never did anything to this guy to deserve such actions. What an asshole.
The other day I saw The Blaze promotional vehicle outside a car dealership not too far from where I live. I wanted to pull over and slash its goddamn tires. Instead, I just flipped it off. YEAH! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, BLAZE VAN?! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
WHY OH WHY do I even care so much? This is too much energy to waste on something so trivial. I guess it isn't trivial when my professional and personal feelings were hurt by this fuckstick.
Oh well.
Now that I've written about this, I will also forgive Kayvon for his actions towards me. In this time of my life where I'm trying to be more positive and turn the negative into good, I will take what I've just stated and make amends with Kayvon for being so negligent.
There. I feel better already.
Uh-oh... looks like this bridge is kind of burning out of control. Better call the fire department to help calm things down.
I was really looking forward to working with Kayvon again and on the 94.9 frequency. That, above all else, is really the biggest let down out of this whole mess.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
4.08.2007
Mike's Top 20
My iTunes has been on shuffle as of late. Here are the Top 20 songs from last week that I was enjoying while picking my life up.
Mike's Top 20 Songs:
20: U2 "Miracle Drug"
19: Peter Murphy "Low Room"
18: Montell Jordan "This Is How We Do It"
17: Harry Connick, Jr. "If I Could Give You More"
16: Norah Jones "Turn Me On"
15: Lenny Kravitz "Always On The Run"
14: Citizen King "Safety Pin"
13: Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians "Circle"
12: The Alarm "Marching On"
11: Big Wreck "How Would You Know"
10: The Figgs "Bad Luck Sammie"
09: Ho-Hum "One Out Of Ten"
08: Nick Drake "Harvest Breed"
07: Snoop Dogg "What's My Name"
06: Ivy "These Are The Things About You"
05: Hoobastank "Better"
04: Laid Back "White Horse"
03: James Blunt "You're Beautiful"
02: Charlie Rich "Feel Like Going Home"
01: Deep Purple "Burn"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Mike's Top 20 Songs:
20: U2 "Miracle Drug"
19: Peter Murphy "Low Room"
18: Montell Jordan "This Is How We Do It"
17: Harry Connick, Jr. "If I Could Give You More"
16: Norah Jones "Turn Me On"
15: Lenny Kravitz "Always On The Run"
14: Citizen King "Safety Pin"
13: Edie Brickell & The New Bohemians "Circle"
12: The Alarm "Marching On"
11: Big Wreck "How Would You Know"
10: The Figgs "Bad Luck Sammie"
09: Ho-Hum "One Out Of Ten"
08: Nick Drake "Harvest Breed"
07: Snoop Dogg "What's My Name"
06: Ivy "These Are The Things About You"
05: Hoobastank "Better"
04: Laid Back "White Horse"
03: James Blunt "You're Beautiful"
02: Charlie Rich "Feel Like Going Home"
01: Deep Purple "Burn"
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
The WORST bumper sticker EVER!
Call it my attention to detail. Actually, my attention to things that most people don't give another thought to. I'm always noticing odd things about the surroundings around me.
Now, bumper stickers aren't really all that odd. We all see them. They're pretty goddamn pointless and lame. I, myself, don't have any bumper stickers or window stickers on my car.
I have been planning on putting a Starbucks sticker on my car, though. Oh, and a couple of old radio station stickers just for fun.
Anyway, as I was driving home from work last week, I came up behind this beat up, piece of shit Nissan (or maybe it was a Toyota) pick-up truck that had the WORST bumper sticker EVER.
Are you ready for this?
"1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4GVN"
That's what it said. It took me a second to figure out what the hell it meant, too. Which made me feel really dumb because the sticker is so lame to begin with.
I'm glad to see the death of Jesus Christ has come to be summed up, in the worst of ways, on a bumper sticker.
I'm not religious by any means. Maybe I should be and get some churching up to help me blossom with a more positive attitude. I need a Holy Ghost party right up in here. I've actually been considering becoming religious, people. Seriously. No joke.
Personally, I've always wanted to be Jewish or a Southern Baptist.
When I was a kid learning about the Holocaust and the crimes committed by Hitler and the German army against the Jews, I felt really bad for the Jewish community. I thought it would help their religion if I became Jewish to help them make a comeback, in so many words.
As for being a Southern Baptist, I've always LOVED a good Southern Baptist church choir. Some of those hymns they bust out are just fun and incredible. They make me feel they love and need of a higher being, I tell ya!
Can I get an AMEN! HALLELUJAH! Praise His name!
If my ex-girlfriend Amanda can be a born-again Mormon, what's to say I can't find Christ in my heart through religious findings or something?
The thing with Amanda, however, is downright mean. Here is a girl that I truly did care for, sent mixed messages, called the police on me and then disappeared from my life because (and I'm assuming this knowing the ways of the Mormon teachings) cut me from her life completely.
I even forgave her for her lies and bullshit and tried to make amends with her. What kind of religion teaches you to cut away people from your life and lie about things they've done?
Why the shit am I still fixated on Amanda, anyway?
Because she owes me a sincere apology for her crime against me personally. That's all I ask.
Why am I talking about this?
Oh, I remember. Religion. I have a hard time with religion because of things like this. I don't have any religion in my life and I've been able to honestly and sincerely forgive. I would hope that some that I've wronged in my life have done the same for me. God knows (no pun intended there) that I've paid the price in spades for my behavior time and time again.
It's that damn bad karma reaching out to tickle my balls again. Well, more like reaching out, grabbing a firm hold, twisting until my nuts are purple and my testicles are popping out like corks from a champagne bottle.
Thank the heavens (no pun intended there, either) I have bumper stickers to guide me on the path of forgiveness.
Remember kids, one cross plus three nails equals forgiven (1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4GVN {Forgiven}).
*shakes head*
I'd like to publicly urinate on the asshat that made this bumper sticker. Here I am, not religious, getting worked up over this lame ass, religious bumper sticker.
I guess I better listen to some God's Property or something and feel the spirit of His divine being run through me and help me not think so badly of this sticker, eh?
Enough about the bumper sticker. Let's talk about this past week, shall we?
Last week was rough for me. I had a hard time at work as well as a hard time trying to quickly move out of my apartment without going postal.
On Monday, I ran over my company cell phone with the Dixie Chopper lawn mower. Opps. I was riding along cutting the lawn and I hit a bump on the mower. My cell phone pops off my belt and under the mower.
*GRINNNNNDDDDDDDD*
Wow. That sucks. My Motorola Nextel phone went from one piece to around 230 pieces.
I also have been having a hard time mastering the art of running the trimmer properly. That takes some skill and it's some back breaking work. I've also noticed that with my continuing kidney problems, holding the trimmer and walking makes for some unbearable pain.
But I bear it because I'm strong like an ox. I'm just waiting for the day I collapse and wake up in the hospital. Knowing my luck, it'll happen. Place your bets, cyber peeps.
I found another soiled condom in one of our parks. Except this time, the condom was on a bench and leaking it's contents ON the bench. Not only did I have to remove the condom from the bench (in front of a playground, no less), I had to spray off the man chowder from the bench.
As much as it disgusts me to find used condoms and dispose of them, it makes me think of some of the great times I've had sexually. I've done it a few times in a park. But I wouldn't be so crude as to leave my remnants behind.
Wait, no... I have done that, actually. Maybe this is bad karma coming back to teach me a lesson on proper disposal of soiled condoms when done doing the duty of pleasing the booty?
Aside from the cell phone incident and the condom incident, I don't know of any other exciting things to report from the work front. I will admit that my stress from my financial disasters was clouding my mind. My moving also didn't help. Luckily, I was able to keep it to myself while maintaining a pleasant attitude at work.
I've completely moved out of my apartment as of yesterday. Since I didn't own much to begin with and sold much of what I had, there wasn't a lot to move. But to put all of what I still have into one little bedroom and arrange it to where I'm comfortable has been a chore.
It's still a work in progress.
Ironically, I've come to find out that someone around the area of where I'm staying has wireless internet service. So, once again, I'm able to get free wireless internet to my computer. This is good since I haven't been able to pay my T-Mobile Hot Spot bill to utilize the internet at Starbucks.
The free wireless internet signal here isn't as reliable as the one I had coming into my apartment. It keeps cutting in and out. But beggars can't be choosers.
Besides, I'm tired of going to Starbucks. I know, I know... this is a SHOCKING revelation considering what a fan I am of my local hangout. I've just become bitter about the shitty customer service and the fact I can't seem to get through to my other ex-girlfriend, the Starbucks barista.
I ran into last weekend, actually. She was leaving work and I pulled up along side her as I was pulling into Starbucks. I told her she was right about me and how much of what she said about me during our break-up affected me.
I could tell she really didn't care either way. I can also tell by her body language that I creep her out.
What do I expect? I cheated on her with Amanda more than once because I was a fuck. I somehow think I'm entitled to forgiveness from her because of how badly I damaged our relationship. Not too mention how badly I damaged my character.
Trying to accept this has been an ordeal. I sometimes snap into denial and get very angry at the Starbucks barista because I start to think who the fuck is she to criticize me, anyway?
In many ways, I feel that we were both on the rebound. She was looking for a fling and something fun to get her mind off her ex-husband, her job at Starbucks and her college education.
I was on the rebound from Amanda and looking for something with more potential and promise.
Instead, right after our relationship started, we both started having some issues that I don't think either one of us openly communicated to one another. That led to us pushing each other away and me going into self-destructive mode and setting up a disaster.
I wanted the best of both worlds. I wanted the fantastic sex I had with Amanda mixed with the brilliance, wit and smarts I had with the Starbucks barista.
In the long run, I got neither. And now look at me. I don't have my own place and I live with my mom, again, at 34. I have no friends to speak of and no girlfriend, either.
I'm alone in this battle with myself. Yet, I can't deny that I'm getting increasingly lonely and masturbation is really starting to become a task.
What woman in her right mind is going to hook up with a guy living with his mom? What kind of message does that send?
Actually, that should be the least of my worries. Besides, I was dating Amanda and the Starbucks barista when I was living here the last time. But that time was more legitimate because I had moved back to Utah from Arizona and was looking to make a new life for myself once I got back on my feet.
Well, I got back on my feet and found a place to live on my own. I had plans to save and look into buying a house. Then I quit a great job that I loved with the railroad an everything fell apart shortly after.
Please enter Bad Karma, stage left.
You create your environment. You think negative and negative things WILL happen.
I'm talking in circles here. When am I not? It's "Mike's Pity Party" weekly here on MySpace.com.
Actually, I don't feel pity for myself. I'm just ashamed for some of the things I've done and I'm learning from that.
I'm also glad to learn that just one cross and three nails equals forgiveness for us all.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
Now, bumper stickers aren't really all that odd. We all see them. They're pretty goddamn pointless and lame. I, myself, don't have any bumper stickers or window stickers on my car.
I have been planning on putting a Starbucks sticker on my car, though. Oh, and a couple of old radio station stickers just for fun.
Anyway, as I was driving home from work last week, I came up behind this beat up, piece of shit Nissan (or maybe it was a Toyota) pick-up truck that had the WORST bumper sticker EVER.
Are you ready for this?
"1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4GVN"
That's what it said. It took me a second to figure out what the hell it meant, too. Which made me feel really dumb because the sticker is so lame to begin with.
I'm glad to see the death of Jesus Christ has come to be summed up, in the worst of ways, on a bumper sticker.
I'm not religious by any means. Maybe I should be and get some churching up to help me blossom with a more positive attitude. I need a Holy Ghost party right up in here. I've actually been considering becoming religious, people. Seriously. No joke.
Personally, I've always wanted to be Jewish or a Southern Baptist.
When I was a kid learning about the Holocaust and the crimes committed by Hitler and the German army against the Jews, I felt really bad for the Jewish community. I thought it would help their religion if I became Jewish to help them make a comeback, in so many words.
As for being a Southern Baptist, I've always LOVED a good Southern Baptist church choir. Some of those hymns they bust out are just fun and incredible. They make me feel they love and need of a higher being, I tell ya!
Can I get an AMEN! HALLELUJAH! Praise His name!
If my ex-girlfriend Amanda can be a born-again Mormon, what's to say I can't find Christ in my heart through religious findings or something?
The thing with Amanda, however, is downright mean. Here is a girl that I truly did care for, sent mixed messages, called the police on me and then disappeared from my life because (and I'm assuming this knowing the ways of the Mormon teachings) cut me from her life completely.
I even forgave her for her lies and bullshit and tried to make amends with her. What kind of religion teaches you to cut away people from your life and lie about things they've done?
Why the shit am I still fixated on Amanda, anyway?
Because she owes me a sincere apology for her crime against me personally. That's all I ask.
Why am I talking about this?
Oh, I remember. Religion. I have a hard time with religion because of things like this. I don't have any religion in my life and I've been able to honestly and sincerely forgive. I would hope that some that I've wronged in my life have done the same for me. God knows (no pun intended there) that I've paid the price in spades for my behavior time and time again.
It's that damn bad karma reaching out to tickle my balls again. Well, more like reaching out, grabbing a firm hold, twisting until my nuts are purple and my testicles are popping out like corks from a champagne bottle.
Thank the heavens (no pun intended there, either) I have bumper stickers to guide me on the path of forgiveness.
Remember kids, one cross plus three nails equals forgiven (1 Cross + 3 Nails = 4GVN {Forgiven}).
*shakes head*
I'd like to publicly urinate on the asshat that made this bumper sticker. Here I am, not religious, getting worked up over this lame ass, religious bumper sticker.
I guess I better listen to some God's Property or something and feel the spirit of His divine being run through me and help me not think so badly of this sticker, eh?
Enough about the bumper sticker. Let's talk about this past week, shall we?
Last week was rough for me. I had a hard time at work as well as a hard time trying to quickly move out of my apartment without going postal.
On Monday, I ran over my company cell phone with the Dixie Chopper lawn mower. Opps. I was riding along cutting the lawn and I hit a bump on the mower. My cell phone pops off my belt and under the mower.
*GRINNNNNDDDDDDDD*
Wow. That sucks. My Motorola Nextel phone went from one piece to around 230 pieces.
I also have been having a hard time mastering the art of running the trimmer properly. That takes some skill and it's some back breaking work. I've also noticed that with my continuing kidney problems, holding the trimmer and walking makes for some unbearable pain.
But I bear it because I'm strong like an ox. I'm just waiting for the day I collapse and wake up in the hospital. Knowing my luck, it'll happen. Place your bets, cyber peeps.
I found another soiled condom in one of our parks. Except this time, the condom was on a bench and leaking it's contents ON the bench. Not only did I have to remove the condom from the bench (in front of a playground, no less), I had to spray off the man chowder from the bench.
As much as it disgusts me to find used condoms and dispose of them, it makes me think of some of the great times I've had sexually. I've done it a few times in a park. But I wouldn't be so crude as to leave my remnants behind.
Wait, no... I have done that, actually. Maybe this is bad karma coming back to teach me a lesson on proper disposal of soiled condoms when done doing the duty of pleasing the booty?
Aside from the cell phone incident and the condom incident, I don't know of any other exciting things to report from the work front. I will admit that my stress from my financial disasters was clouding my mind. My moving also didn't help. Luckily, I was able to keep it to myself while maintaining a pleasant attitude at work.
I've completely moved out of my apartment as of yesterday. Since I didn't own much to begin with and sold much of what I had, there wasn't a lot to move. But to put all of what I still have into one little bedroom and arrange it to where I'm comfortable has been a chore.
It's still a work in progress.
Ironically, I've come to find out that someone around the area of where I'm staying has wireless internet service. So, once again, I'm able to get free wireless internet to my computer. This is good since I haven't been able to pay my T-Mobile Hot Spot bill to utilize the internet at Starbucks.
The free wireless internet signal here isn't as reliable as the one I had coming into my apartment. It keeps cutting in and out. But beggars can't be choosers.
Besides, I'm tired of going to Starbucks. I know, I know... this is a SHOCKING revelation considering what a fan I am of my local hangout. I've just become bitter about the shitty customer service and the fact I can't seem to get through to my other ex-girlfriend, the Starbucks barista.
I ran into last weekend, actually. She was leaving work and I pulled up along side her as I was pulling into Starbucks. I told her she was right about me and how much of what she said about me during our break-up affected me.
I could tell she really didn't care either way. I can also tell by her body language that I creep her out.
What do I expect? I cheated on her with Amanda more than once because I was a fuck. I somehow think I'm entitled to forgiveness from her because of how badly I damaged our relationship. Not too mention how badly I damaged my character.
Trying to accept this has been an ordeal. I sometimes snap into denial and get very angry at the Starbucks barista because I start to think who the fuck is she to criticize me, anyway?
In many ways, I feel that we were both on the rebound. She was looking for a fling and something fun to get her mind off her ex-husband, her job at Starbucks and her college education.
I was on the rebound from Amanda and looking for something with more potential and promise.
Instead, right after our relationship started, we both started having some issues that I don't think either one of us openly communicated to one another. That led to us pushing each other away and me going into self-destructive mode and setting up a disaster.
I wanted the best of both worlds. I wanted the fantastic sex I had with Amanda mixed with the brilliance, wit and smarts I had with the Starbucks barista.
In the long run, I got neither. And now look at me. I don't have my own place and I live with my mom, again, at 34. I have no friends to speak of and no girlfriend, either.
I'm alone in this battle with myself. Yet, I can't deny that I'm getting increasingly lonely and masturbation is really starting to become a task.
What woman in her right mind is going to hook up with a guy living with his mom? What kind of message does that send?
Actually, that should be the least of my worries. Besides, I was dating Amanda and the Starbucks barista when I was living here the last time. But that time was more legitimate because I had moved back to Utah from Arizona and was looking to make a new life for myself once I got back on my feet.
Well, I got back on my feet and found a place to live on my own. I had plans to save and look into buying a house. Then I quit a great job that I loved with the railroad an everything fell apart shortly after.
Please enter Bad Karma, stage left.
You create your environment. You think negative and negative things WILL happen.
I'm talking in circles here. When am I not? It's "Mike's Pity Party" weekly here on MySpace.com.
Actually, I don't feel pity for myself. I'm just ashamed for some of the things I've done and I'm learning from that.
I'm also glad to learn that just one cross and three nails equals forgiveness for us all.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
4.02.2007
5068, 224, 34, 7258 & 14
You're probably really excited to find out what those number mean, huh? I bet you're on the edge of your seat wondering what they could possibly represent.
I'll explain what they mean in a moment or two here.
But first I want to preface this blog by letting you know it's probably one of the more difficult ones I've had to write in quite a while.
Actually, I don't have to write these blogs at all. It's just a weird hobby of mine that has become a secret passion. Lately, a lot of my life centers around how I'm going to convey what is happening to me in the form of a blog on MySpace.
I wanted to start out 2007 by becoming a different person. One who was more financially stable and decent. One who was making positive attempts to change his ways, make his way through the muck and get back on track.
I have to admit that I have yet to really even scratch the surface with personal changes I've been trying to make. All I've been doing is shifting from one problem to the next and back again.
My mind is going in so many directions right now that it is very hard and overwhelming to stay positive and happy when I have nothing but darkness and shit to crawl through for the next few months. Hell, it might even be a couple of years before all is right in the world of Mike.
The last few months have been pretty hard on me financially. I've been shuffling one financial responsibility to take care of another one. And then to make it easier on me, I started taking out pay day loans and that just made my situation worse.
So far, I've been able to stay afloat. Unfortunately, it's finally caught up to me in the worst way.
I've come to the realization that I can't afford to live on my own with the kind of debt I've created for myself in a few short months. Earlier today I had to make a call to my mom to inform her that I was in too deep and would have to surrender my apartment. This will require me to move out of my apartment and in with her.
I'm 34 years old and moving home. That's not the only pathetic thing about this whole mess. What's really pathetic is the fact that I couldn't last seven months on my own. Prior to moving in this apartment, I had been living with my mom for quite a while when I moved back to Salt Lake from Tucson, Arizona.
To any of you really reading this, be warned. I don't care what you have to do to find an alternative but NEVER take out a pay day loan. Better yet, NEVER wind up like me.
I feel depression setting in as fast as a swift kick to the balls. I'm feeling so completely deflated at the moment. I've lost a lot over the last few months. My financial freedom is not only what I'm talking about.
My financial woes cause me to have behavior problems that affect other people around me. Right now, I'm doing my best to keep a smile on my face and not think about these personal issues while I'm at work. And, so far, I've done a fine job at keeping these issues out of the limelight and keeping that positive attitude.
What really hurts me about all of this is just how bad I feel about how far I've allowed this to go on. I'm fully aware of what my issues are and ways to rectify my behavior. Yet I still wind up doing the same shit over and over.
I am a loser. And I'm alright with that because I know that, eventually, I'll break free of this vicious cycle I've been putting myself and others through. There is always that ray of hope shining somewhere and it will touch on me again soon.
In the meantime, I have to face being a loser head-on and know that this is a fate I've been creating for myself for a long time.
No, this is not a way for me to gain pity. It's a way for me to bring realization to my own wacky life.
I know some of you are saying "Don't talk about yourself like that, Mike"! Oh, please. Let's face it. I may not be a loser as far as a petty crook or career criminal or drug addict or raging alcoholic. But I do show loser qualities that could, in some cases, rate me right up there with the afore mentioned types of standard losers.
I just have to laugh at all of this and know that it will get better. IT WILL. It's nice to feel that sense of hope that leaves me elated. Sure, I have to move back home but it's only temporary. So what? Big deal. There are worse things in the world. For instance, the Pussycat Dolls. *barf*
I do feel bad that I have to move out of my comfy apartment. It's been a nice, little place to live and I've had some good times there. But all good things must come to an end. Actually, in my case, all good things will soon come to a beginning.
When will that beginning be?
One friend of mine pointed out to me a while back the last time I thought I was going to lose my apartment that, perhaps, it was for the best. Their opinion was that my apartment was somehow an extension of all the other bad things going wrong in my life so I might as well rid myself of it and start fresh.
That's an interesting way to look at it. I just wish I was moving into my first house and not in with my mom.
Jesus. Just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I can't begin to tell you what a let down this is to my mom as much as it is to me. We both get to lose our freedom and privacy.
This is a shameful way for an adult male to wind up. I'm an intelligent guy. Why don't I act like it? What the FUCK? How many times have I written blogs like this that are full of self-loathing and self-pity?
Well, I haven't written one for a while, I must admit. I've been trying to remain positive even when it comes to my blog writing. But I had to write this one because my mind is full to the brim with panic, stress and... embarrassment.
When I tell my mom about some of the things I write about on MySpace, she's almost shocked by my revelations. She thinks I share too much information. For me, I don't mind being so open and candid.
Clearly, I have no one else to share my thoughts with on a regular basis so I do it here. Maybe that is something else I need to work on with my self improvement, eh? Getting out more and socializing.
Well, I do go out when I come to Starbucks to use the internet. And I do socialize while I'm here with the other regular customers and some that wander in for the first time.
Yes, I know... there is life outside of Starbucks. There is also life and people outside of this internet box I like to travel in. At least I have a job where I get to meet the public from time to time.
I hate being bipolar.
Well, I'm done boobing about this. It's time to suck it up and move on! FUCK YEAH! Like this small bump in the road is going to stop me from being the great man that I am. Whatever! I'm going to go home and stick my finger down my throat and vomit that loser right out of me!
Now, back to the numbers in the subject line.
5068 profile views
224 blog posts
34 blog comments
7258 blog views
14 kudos
See? I'm not such a loser! Look how popular I am with the people who read up on me! I'm like a free, yet dumbed down version, of a self help book online.
Of course, who am I helping? You or me?
I like to think it's both.
I know I never really tell you this but thank you for reading and showing your support. Maybe the next big thing I'll do is get these blogs published like my friend Royce in Erie, Pennsylvania or my buddy Shawn Spring in Elko, Nevada suggested.
Knowing my luck, they'd be the only two that would buy copies of my book of blogs. Oh, and my mom.
Wait, no, not my mom. She would pass because she wouldn't want to read information that she feels is too much... hahahahahahahahahahaha.
I'm so dreading this event in my life that I'm presently faced with. I'm like George Castanza from "Seinfeld".
*shakes head*
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Well, this should be fun.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
I'll explain what they mean in a moment or two here.
But first I want to preface this blog by letting you know it's probably one of the more difficult ones I've had to write in quite a while.
Actually, I don't have to write these blogs at all. It's just a weird hobby of mine that has become a secret passion. Lately, a lot of my life centers around how I'm going to convey what is happening to me in the form of a blog on MySpace.
I wanted to start out 2007 by becoming a different person. One who was more financially stable and decent. One who was making positive attempts to change his ways, make his way through the muck and get back on track.
I have to admit that I have yet to really even scratch the surface with personal changes I've been trying to make. All I've been doing is shifting from one problem to the next and back again.
My mind is going in so many directions right now that it is very hard and overwhelming to stay positive and happy when I have nothing but darkness and shit to crawl through for the next few months. Hell, it might even be a couple of years before all is right in the world of Mike.
The last few months have been pretty hard on me financially. I've been shuffling one financial responsibility to take care of another one. And then to make it easier on me, I started taking out pay day loans and that just made my situation worse.
So far, I've been able to stay afloat. Unfortunately, it's finally caught up to me in the worst way.
I've come to the realization that I can't afford to live on my own with the kind of debt I've created for myself in a few short months. Earlier today I had to make a call to my mom to inform her that I was in too deep and would have to surrender my apartment. This will require me to move out of my apartment and in with her.
I'm 34 years old and moving home. That's not the only pathetic thing about this whole mess. What's really pathetic is the fact that I couldn't last seven months on my own. Prior to moving in this apartment, I had been living with my mom for quite a while when I moved back to Salt Lake from Tucson, Arizona.
To any of you really reading this, be warned. I don't care what you have to do to find an alternative but NEVER take out a pay day loan. Better yet, NEVER wind up like me.
I feel depression setting in as fast as a swift kick to the balls. I'm feeling so completely deflated at the moment. I've lost a lot over the last few months. My financial freedom is not only what I'm talking about.
My financial woes cause me to have behavior problems that affect other people around me. Right now, I'm doing my best to keep a smile on my face and not think about these personal issues while I'm at work. And, so far, I've done a fine job at keeping these issues out of the limelight and keeping that positive attitude.
What really hurts me about all of this is just how bad I feel about how far I've allowed this to go on. I'm fully aware of what my issues are and ways to rectify my behavior. Yet I still wind up doing the same shit over and over.
I am a loser. And I'm alright with that because I know that, eventually, I'll break free of this vicious cycle I've been putting myself and others through. There is always that ray of hope shining somewhere and it will touch on me again soon.
In the meantime, I have to face being a loser head-on and know that this is a fate I've been creating for myself for a long time.
No, this is not a way for me to gain pity. It's a way for me to bring realization to my own wacky life.
I know some of you are saying "Don't talk about yourself like that, Mike"! Oh, please. Let's face it. I may not be a loser as far as a petty crook or career criminal or drug addict or raging alcoholic. But I do show loser qualities that could, in some cases, rate me right up there with the afore mentioned types of standard losers.
I just have to laugh at all of this and know that it will get better. IT WILL. It's nice to feel that sense of hope that leaves me elated. Sure, I have to move back home but it's only temporary. So what? Big deal. There are worse things in the world. For instance, the Pussycat Dolls. *barf*
I do feel bad that I have to move out of my comfy apartment. It's been a nice, little place to live and I've had some good times there. But all good things must come to an end. Actually, in my case, all good things will soon come to a beginning.
When will that beginning be?
One friend of mine pointed out to me a while back the last time I thought I was going to lose my apartment that, perhaps, it was for the best. Their opinion was that my apartment was somehow an extension of all the other bad things going wrong in my life so I might as well rid myself of it and start fresh.
That's an interesting way to look at it. I just wish I was moving into my first house and not in with my mom.
Jesus. Just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. I can't begin to tell you what a let down this is to my mom as much as it is to me. We both get to lose our freedom and privacy.
This is a shameful way for an adult male to wind up. I'm an intelligent guy. Why don't I act like it? What the FUCK? How many times have I written blogs like this that are full of self-loathing and self-pity?
Well, I haven't written one for a while, I must admit. I've been trying to remain positive even when it comes to my blog writing. But I had to write this one because my mind is full to the brim with panic, stress and... embarrassment.
When I tell my mom about some of the things I write about on MySpace, she's almost shocked by my revelations. She thinks I share too much information. For me, I don't mind being so open and candid.
Clearly, I have no one else to share my thoughts with on a regular basis so I do it here. Maybe that is something else I need to work on with my self improvement, eh? Getting out more and socializing.
Well, I do go out when I come to Starbucks to use the internet. And I do socialize while I'm here with the other regular customers and some that wander in for the first time.
Yes, I know... there is life outside of Starbucks. There is also life and people outside of this internet box I like to travel in. At least I have a job where I get to meet the public from time to time.
I hate being bipolar.
Well, I'm done boobing about this. It's time to suck it up and move on! FUCK YEAH! Like this small bump in the road is going to stop me from being the great man that I am. Whatever! I'm going to go home and stick my finger down my throat and vomit that loser right out of me!
Now, back to the numbers in the subject line.
5068 profile views
224 blog posts
34 blog comments
7258 blog views
14 kudos
See? I'm not such a loser! Look how popular I am with the people who read up on me! I'm like a free, yet dumbed down version, of a self help book online.
Of course, who am I helping? You or me?
I like to think it's both.
I know I never really tell you this but thank you for reading and showing your support. Maybe the next big thing I'll do is get these blogs published like my friend Royce in Erie, Pennsylvania or my buddy Shawn Spring in Elko, Nevada suggested.
Knowing my luck, they'd be the only two that would buy copies of my book of blogs. Oh, and my mom.
Wait, no, not my mom. She would pass because she wouldn't want to read information that she feels is too much... hahahahahahahahahahaha.
I'm so dreading this event in my life that I'm presently faced with. I'm like George Castanza from "Seinfeld".
*shakes head*
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Well, this should be fun.
-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing
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