Weird dreams, weird day

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I went to bed early, just after 9 PM, because I was so exhausted. Work will do that to you.

Around 1 AM, I kept waking up because I was having weird dreams. Three, to be exact. And all of them I remember in every detail.

Have you ever been dreaming and you wake up briefly only to try and get back to sleep to find out what happens in your dream? Every single one of these dreams I had last night (well, I guess it would be this morning) were dreams of this nature.

The first one was creepy, morbid and somewhat funny. I had a dream that I went into my bathroom and found the body of my deceased friend, Nick, in the bathtub.

I wasn't scared or shocked or anything. I just remember studying his face and noticing a scar over his left temple area that was still healing from stitches.

As I stood over his body studying the scar on his forehead, I noticed his body was slightly green. I assumed this had something to do with the formaldehyde that was used to preserve his body. The discoloration reminded me of the Incredible Hulk.

I laughed out loud in my dream and said to Nick's body "You look like the Incredible Hulk, Nick"!

I woke up and went to the bathroom. No body. No Nick. But I did have to pee. Maybe that was the whole point of the dream. To wake me up so I could take a whizz without wetting my bed. Thanks for looking out for my bladder from beyond the grave, Nick.

The second dream wasn't as odd. I dreamt that I was walking along a familiar roadway. I came upon a structure with an older Toyota Pathfinder parked alongside it. On top of the Toyota Pathfinder was an orange revolving light.

I recognized the light as one I used to own. I then realized that I was on the property of the railyard I used to work in. I walked up to the Toyota Pathfinder to see if I could take my revolving light back.

I then wondered why the guy I sold it to (my former boss, Brooke) had removed it from a golf cart to the top of this Toyota Pathfinder. As I went to grab the light off of the Pathfinder, I noticed Brooke in a window overlooking the Pathfinder. He was on the phone. I waved to him.

I turned around and walked away from the property. Suddenly, I found myself in a South Jordan City work vehicle driving to the opposite side of the building I was just at.

I stopped the vehicle and started to take down a vinyl fence. A guy I work with, Dave, was there to help me. He pointed out to me that we weren't in South Jordan and this fence we were taking down belonged to West Valley.

I told Dave I didn't care and that West Valley would understand. I also explained to Dave that I had stopped to do this to give Brooke an opportunity to see me working hard with a new job.

I had also stopped to talk to Brooke and apologize for being such an over-the-top dick for the way I left things. Dave tells me that Brooke we'll probably just kill me. I told Dave that if that should happen, make sure to get the truck back to South Jordan.

At some point of myself and Dave taking down this vinyl fence, Brooke and some other guys I worked with at the railyard came out. They all started to lay down on the lawn around the fence we were taking down.

I took that opportunity to apologize to Brooke and a few others. Brooke just smiled and said "I know you're sorry".

And then I woke up again.

I was just as much perplexed by that dream as by the one about Nick's body in my bathtub. I remember being half asleep this morning on that second wake up and slapping myself in the head to punish it for creating such odd goddamn dreams.

Damn head.

The third dream was more suitable. In this dream, I was assisting my ex-girlfriend, Amanda, celebrate her 21st birthday in Las Vegas. We were back being a couple and I had an even more deep love and lust for her as I always have.

In a side note here, one of Amanda's wishes was that we celebrate her 21st birthday in Las Vegas. To be honest, I'd still love to do that with her. I always have.

Anyway, we were spending all kinds of cash and having a great ol' time. Oddly enough, this wasn't a wet dream about her. There was no sex between her or I in this dream. It was just us going from casino to casino getting drunk and winning/losing money. I got the feeling that we were more of a couple than we had ever been and it was a nice feeling.

I woke up, AGAIN, just before my alarm was to go off to wake me up for work. I also woke up with a raging erection.

I then proceeded to pleasure myself to the thought of Amanda. I've been masturbating to the thought of her a lot lately. My apologies here to those women out there that I've been involved with in the past that are not getting their fair share of my masturbating fantasies.

I thought about these dreams all day today while I was at work. My mind was completely elsewhere today. I didn't really feel like going to work, actually. I was hoping to go home early because the weather has been so shitty the past couple of days. Alas, no go.

I did have an incident at work today. Looking back on it, I could have been really hurt. SERIOUSLY HURT. I was, however, slightly hurt.

Today, my dumb ass, was mowing the lawn in our South Jordan City Park. I was using our Dixie Chopper (some of you may remember me talking about this riding lawnmower in a previous blog) to mow the lawn around tree rings.

Tree rings are just that. Rings that go around all of our trees that are filled in with bark or compost. Normally, before we mow large areas of lawn, we go around all the trees to make easier to go back and forth to mow.

As I was going around one particular tree, I thought I had safe clearance to get under some branches. I THOUGHT the branches were light and thin and would be easy to pass under or push them out of the way so I could go around the tree.

It turns out that there were light and thin branches approaching as I went around the tree. The problem was, they were concealing a large, thick branch that I didn't see until it was too late.

Go on an adventure with me here.

Picture yourself on your basic riding lawnmower, ok? Picture yourself going slowly on the riding lawnmower around a tree. Now, picture yourself getting caught between a large, thick tree branch and the seat in which you're sitting in on the riding lawnmower.

If you can picture all this, follow me on what happened next.

As I saw that this large, thick tree branch, I reached out to try and SOMEHOW stop the tree with my hand from getting any closer to me and the mower. As I realized very quickly that I needed to try and stop the MOWER and not the tree, I reached down to bring the mower to a stop.

Unfortunately, the protruding large, think branch hit my chest. The mower kept going forward. The branch started to push harder against my chest and lift me up out of the operator's seat.

Uh-oh. Panic.

My hands slip free from the control handles of the Dixie Chopper and it continues to go forward.

Much like an unwanted game of limbo, my body is literally pushed backwards up over the operator's seat under the large, thick tree branch. The tree branch scrapped from the top of my chest down to my stomach as my body was lifted back and flat while the mower continued to go forward.

The pressure from my body weight going up and over the seat and under the tree branch I had run into, caused the operator's seat to actually bend backwards. Had the seat not bent like that, I would have been pinched or seriously crushed in between the large, thick tree branch and the top of the operator's seat on the Dixie Chopper.

After the incident happened, I was really disturbed that I hadn't seen or paid closer attention to my surroundings. Something so simple could have turned into something very embarrassing and seriously harmful.

Instead, I got lucky. I walked away from it with some bruises and scrapes on my chest and a better idea of how something that simple needs to have more care and attention.

What's funny about this incident is the fact I can't stop thinking about any damage it may have caused that I can't see or feel yet. I get this from watching too many episodes of "House". Many times on House, you'll see someone go into the hospital for which House is employed by with some kind of simple ailment.

Within moments of the episode starting, we come to find out that the patient might have some God awful issue.

For instance, on a recent episode of House, a woman went in very sick. They thought she had a particular type of cancer. They used radiation to treat what they thought she had. Turns out she had a simple Staph infection from her bra clip digging into her skin and the radiation treatment killed the bacteria that was fighting the Staph infection. SHE DIED!

WHAT?! MAN! That's just fucked up right there. But it also makes for great TV and a great TV show. You know why? Because shit like that happens in real life. Even in real life, some of the BEST doctors can make mistakes.

So, here I sit wondering if there is some deep tissue damage or bone damage to my ribs from my limbo event. I doubt it. I feel okay.

This is kind of grim, huh? It's almost like I'm HOPING something got fucked up! My God! Why couldn't have I hit my head really hard and knock some sense into me?

Pansy.

Uh-oh... Amanda just popped into my head again. I feel something brewing downstairs. I better go and take care of this.

Man, I so need a new girlfriend. Or a wife. Or a hooker.

-Mike The Janitor
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Millenoma Publishing