McDonald's and their new coffee system

As you know, I LOVE to write blogs. Love it! And, it turns out, MANY of you read them. Well, thanks! I also like to read other people's blogs to see their take on the world around them.

Sometimes, I feel a blog by someone else is SO good, I just have to re-post it. Today, I'm going to bring you a blog (actually, more of a letter) that makes me laugh every time I read it.

The letter was written by my friend Ashley in Tucson, Arizona. She brings up a great and valid point about the way McDonald's is fucking way too much with their coffee. I totally agree with her viewpoint here and wanted to share it with all of you. My thanks to Ashley for letting me re-post this.

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Dear McDonald's,

Why the sudden Jewishness with the Splenda and creamers for the people you've oh-so-kindly gotten addicted to your formerly fantastic coffee? I can understand the need to save money what with the current raise in minimum wage, but hey! Putting the creamer and sweetener in EVERYONE'S coffee is the most ridiculous thing ever. There are many reasons I say this, its not only out of mere selfishness and fear of change when it comes to my morning coffee. First of all, you began a new ad campaign telling everyone how great your new "robust premium blend" coffee is, and I'll agree with the ads, it is surprisingly good coffee and I don't have to take out a second mortgage on my house to be able to afford a cup every day. It's good coffee. In fact, my morning is not complete unless I stop and get a cup from the drive-thru on my way to school. I also get coffee for the other 4 people in my lab group. It was a great thing to do up until a few weeks ago when I was ordering my usual five large coffees and the woman said through the drive-thru speaker, "How many creamers and sugars in each?"

"Huh? Uh, just give me a handful of creamers, a few packets of sugar, and a handful of Splendas."

"We don't have those anymore, we add it for you."

OK. I'm buying FIVE coffees. Only one of them is for me. I don't even know how many creamers and Splendas I put in my own coffee, let alone how much the other four people take in theirs. So obviously the woman at the window got pretty pissed at me when she had to wait on me to call all four of the people I was buying coffee for to ask them how many creamers and sugars they wanted in theirs and then she had to wait on me to think out loud how much I thought I needed in mine, which, in case you are curious was 3 creamers and 4 Splendas this particular time, and it was by no means the right combination to make my morning coffee taste heavenly like it would if I had been able to season it to my liking instead of having the sugar Nazi ration out my portions. The people in my lab group all agreed that they had no clue how many creamers or sweeteners they took in their coffee, it's just something that you put in until it's right for you.

Case and point, rationing out the creamer and sweetener is lame and whoever thought that up is probably going to be lynched by a mob of angry caffeine addicts who are having to forego their morning cup(s) because simply put, this new "moneysaving" idea makes their coffee taste like ass and no one wants to start their morning off by drinking a big ol' mug of butt release. It's bad enough just having to go to work. You want to save money by rationing something? Ration mayonnaise. I think the benefits of this one would far outweigh the benefits of rationing essentials for coffee. Why? Think of the amounts of mayonnaise used on McDonald's products. Take a look at statistics: a whopping 64.5% of Americans are overweight and 30.5% are considered obese (stole that one from www.obesity.org). Take a look at the person who orders extra mayonnaise on their Big and Tasty and note the size of their ass. Compare that to the ass size of the person who orders a coffee with an artificial sweetener and a few creamers and while you're at it, do a cholesterol check, too. Compare the caloric intake of mayonnaise with that of coffee. Do some math. Figure out what the bad shit is, and do us all a favor while saving some money... and yeah, I'm sure some fat ass will complain about the mayonnaise rationing like I'm complaining about the recent change with creamer and sugar and Splenda... but you know what? Fuck them. I'm more important.

Also, bring back the coffee stirrers, the process of diffusion does not really stir coffee as well as you think it does...

There, I feel better now. Amazing the therapeutic effect that writing letters that I have no intention of sending has...

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I almost feel like mailing this letter to McDonald's. I'd add my own letter pointing out some of these same issues and some of my own. I'd also ask that their employees go back to speaking English.

Anyway, I'm off to create a couple of more blogs on my last day off. I have a few more things on my mind that I need to sound off about.

-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing