The second week of the rest of my life

As promised, my fellow cyber buddies, I will now detail for you some of the events that took place last week in my new career of being a Parks Maintenance Worker for the City of South Jordan.

You may recall that I gave a tease about some of the things I had encountered in week two of my new gig.

One of those was regarding me falling down. I so did. And it kind of hurt and it was embarrassing.

Last Monday my co-worker Paul and myself were continuing the task of aerating. Except this time we weren't doing park strips as I had in week one with Ronda.

This aerating was the actual parks of South Jordan. Not only were we using the hand aerator (also known as the "walk behind" aerator), but we also hand a New Holland tractor with a large aerator attached to the back of it.

The tractor is to cover the big areas that would take days to do with a hand aerator. The only problem I have with this tractor is that it has to be driven to every park location. And let me tell you, that takes some getting used to.

The reason being is because it only goes about 15 miles per hour or so. And sometimes you have to drive on busy streets with it to get where you're going. It's somewhat scary.

Anyway, the first park we did on Monday morning was behind Bingham High. It's called "Prospector Park". It's a medium sized park with a playground, bathrooms, large grassy area and picnic tables under a covered picnic area.

It was here that Paul showed me how to operate the tractor and the aerator attachment. That was fun and easy. You just have to pay attention to sprinkler heads, valve covers, sidewalk edges and light poles when operating the tractor. Basic common sense, in other words.

I did some of this park in the tractor and switched off with Paul. HE got on the tractor and finished up while I went and used the walk behind aerator to do some of the areas of the park that the tractor can't get to because it's too big.

One of these areas is right in the front portion of the park where the "Prospector Park" sign is located. For whatever reason, I was walking along with the aerator and making a sharp turn. I was trying to get around a fire hydrant without having to stop.

The problem is, the walk behind aerator is self-propelled and is pretty quick. As I came around the corner, I lost my balance. Instead of letting go of the throttle handle and stopping the aerator, I kept it in motion.

The aerator pulled me forward as I lost my balance on this sharp turn. As I lost my footing, I tripped on the curb I was walking along side of. As I tripped, I fell into the parking lot trying to regain my balance.

I didn't regain my balance, however, and I tumbled onto my ass with a hard thud. I also realized after I fell that I had slightly sprained my ankle when I tripped on the curb.

I just sat there. I laughed and thought "Boy, I hope nobody saw that".

"Hey man, are you ok? That was pretty funny"! I hear from behind me.

Sure enough, a few students from Bingham High were walking to school on the sidewalk across from the one I was aerating against.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. This is what happens when you drink and drive, kids. Don't do it".

That response got a blank stare from the three boys and two girls. Then the one boy ho asked if I was ok said: "Uhhhhhhh, yeah man. Whatever".

They all proceeded to giggle as they continued to school.

This moment started off my week.

I got up and collected myself and slightly limped the rest of the day from my fall.

When we finished that park, we moved onto another. Paul drove the tractor to one larger park that needed to be aerated and I took the walk behind to a smaller park on Redwood Road that needed aerating.

We couldn't use the tractor at this smaller park because it has too many trees. But it's big enough that it takes over and hour to do with the walk behind aerator.

Me being the "FNG", I got the honor of walking my ass off at the smaller park. "FNG", by the way, stands for "Fucking New Guy".

It was in this park that things got a little tense. Upon my first pass of aerating this park, a medium sized dog ran out towards me when I reached Redwood Road. At first, the dog would just run up and keep a distance away and growl and bark. But then it got more aggressive.

Overlooking this park is a large house. Well, the back porch area of a large house. On the back porch was the homeowner watching me. My direction of travel with aerator was West to East.

As I walked West, I'd be walking towards Redwood Road. As I turned around and walked East, I'd be walking towards a large rock wall that divides the park from the suburb on the other side.

This is where this guys house sits. On the opposite side of this wall. As I approached the wall, he signaled me. I turned off the aerator.

He explained that the dog belonged to the people that lived in the bright yellow duplex to the South of the rock wall. He said that the dog has gotten out before and that there is a leash and a doghouse in the backyard of the duplex.

I told the citizen that if the dog got anymore aggressive that I would knock on the door of the home where the dog belongs and speak to them. He said he didn't think they were home because they would have let the dog in by now. He then suggested I chain up the dog myself because he didn't want to see the dog get hit by a car.

Well, fuck you, citizen. God forbid I get attacked by a dog and mauled to death and it run out in the street and gets hit by a car.

I didn't say that, mind you. I just thought it. I bet this guy is a member of PETA.

As I continued my aerating, I changed my direction of travel to avoid the area of Redwood Road until the very last. I somehow figured the dog would go away or fall asleep or get bored running out and trying to start a war with me and the aerator.

Fat chance.

As I got to Redwood to finish up one last small area of the park, here comes the dog. Except this time, he didn't charge the aerator, he charged me.

Now, this isn't a large dog. I didn't feel threatened by it. It was just starting to impede on me trying to do my job and becoming a real damn nuisance.

With every charge the dog would make, he got closer and closer to me. He also started to get clever. As I would walk towards Redwood Road, he would charge me and the aerator from the South running North.

As I turned around, I would lose sight of him because he'd quickly get behind me and bite the backs of my heels and my calfs. After this happened a couple of times, I got pissed.

On the third time of this dog doing this, I whirled around and yelled "GET OUT OF HERE"! while walking quickly towards the dog. The dog would dart away and run into Redwood Road.

Oh great.

When this happened, I hear the citizen on his back porch yell: "I TOLD YOU! GO NEXT DOOR"!

In my mind I yell back: "FUCK YOU, DOUCHE BAG! YOU COME DOWN HERE AND TRY TO MANAGE THIS CRAZED BITING DOG"!

So I go over to the duplex and knock on the door several times. No answer. The dog is right there behind me barking and growling. I then walk to the backyard area and see the doghouse and chain. It also looks like the dog has broken free from it's collar.

I'm not about to try and nab this dog and get a collar around it's neck while it eats my face in the process. No thank you.

So I decide to do my best to work around the dog and get my aerating done. I just have a little bit more to do. It'll be fine.

As I walked back and start to aerate, the dog continues to attack me from behind and starts biting harder. Every time I turn around he runs out into the street.

Time to call Animal Control.

I call my supervisor, Kim, and explain to her that I have a little bit left to do but I can't finish because this damn dog is making the situation much more dangerous than it needs to be. Plus, I have PETA literally looking over my shoulder from their back porch so I can't beat the dog with a shovel.

Animal Control is dispatched with a quickness. It's around this time that I try to keep working and ignore the dog. But he is getting more aggressive and jumping up on me while biting.

It is this action by the dog that a couple of guys from our Streets Maintenance Department pull over to come and help me. They just happened to be driving by when they saw I was having a difficult time.

They scared the dog off and kept him at bay while I finished my aeration. Then Animal Control showed up to try and assist.

After I finished up, the woman from Animal Control was having a hard time catching the dog, so she called for back up from Code Enforcement. When I left, there were two people trying to catch this mutt.

The thing is, I don't know what happened after that because I had to move on to more aeration. So you'll all be in suspense as to what happened to the dog as I am.

Keep in mind, I never wanted the dog to be arrested. That was a last resort. But I couldn't have him getting more aggressive with his biting and I couldn't have him running in the street.

After that whole circus, I met up with Paul over by City Hall where he was working with the tractor aerating these large pieces of land that are retention ponds. I, again, used the walk behind aerator to get the areas that Paul couldn't reach with the tractor.

ONce we finished that up, we moved on to an area known as "Welcome Park". This is a small patch of land that seems to welcome hobos. The "park" is located on the East side of I-15 and 10600 South. Right next to a Denny's that sits on the South side of the "park". It's not really a park at all, in my opinion. Just land that South Jordan maintains because it falls in our boundaries.

It was here that Paul almost threw up. I drove the tractor to this location from 1600 West on 10600 South. Nothing like a slow ass moving tractor to hold up traffic on a major roadway. Jesus!

When I got there, I noticed right away that a bum had set up camp under one of the trees. There was a pillow, a sleeping bag, a variety of canned foods both opened and unopened, some peanut putter and crackers, a large duffle bag, some bread, some bologna and a large dead bird under the duffle bag.

There was also some toilet paper and shit, too. The smell was awful. Paul and myself used shovels to clean up the mess. But the smell was a little too much for Paul and he had to walk away to gag something fierce.

He also made sure to mention to me that this was going to be an ongoing part of my job. Especially during the summer. It then dawned on me that being a Parks Maintenance Worker entails so much more than just taking care of lawns and sprinklers and playgrounds.

It also entails the cleaning up of overflowing trash cans at the parks. And, most of all, the BATHROOMS at the parks.

YUCK. Oh well. All in a days work.

Anyway, Paul and myself were able to make it through the hobo cleanup without having to call a hazmat team. I couldn't help but wonder where the hobo was. I was worried that we were going to find his body next. I'll be damned if I'm cleaning THAT up.

I need some breakfast and another cup of coffee. I'll return to my storytelling in a bit, my cyber friends. I still have Tuesday through Friday to relay to you. Who knew that one day in my life doing this city government job would be such an epic tale?!

-Mike The Janitor
©2007
Millenoma Publishing