17 years and $257,435

I can't begin to express how happy it makes me when I get my annual statement from the Social Security Administration.

This year, I had even more fun when I decided to add up all the years that are reported on this statement and see how much money I've earned (and been taxed) over the last 17 years of my working life.

The whopping grand total is $257,435. That's TWO HUNDRED FIFTY SEVEN THOUSAND FOUR HUNDRED THIRTY FIVE dollars.

Holy shit franks and beans!

Do I have a nice, modest home to show for such earnings? No. Perhaps a boat? No. Maybe a townhouse in the trendy side of town? Nu-uh. How about a lush savings account? Hahahahahahahaha... are you kidding? NO! How about a Mercedes, Jaguar, Bentley or BMW? Again, NO!

Maybe I've invested in my own business and made even more money? Nope. Maybe I invested in stocks and bonds and made a bigger profit. No, I can't say I did that either. Maybe I've got all the cash stuffed in a mattress? If I did, I'd own a much nicer bed than the shitty air mattress I sleep on now.

This annual statement is a constant reminder of what I could have now and don't. Why? Because I'm a turd when it comes to money. My spending is compulsive and impulsive.

The question is, what DO I have to show for such earnings?

Nothing... not really.

But it's never too late for change and I'm working for a brighter tomorrow.

Wait... did I just say something as gay as "working for a brighter tomorrow?" I did, didn't I? Shit, while I'm at it, I might as well as run for some government office with a cheese ball line like that!

*puke*

-Mike The Janitor
©2006
Millenoma Publishing