1.2 million square feet

That's the size of the distribution center I work in.

ONE POINT TWO MILLION SQUARE FEET.

Holy Popsicles.

I was going to bring you up to speed on my adventures of my Wal*Mart Distribution Center orientation, but I've been having computer problems.

What's odd is that my computer went batty on Sunday as I was typing out my weekly "Mike's Top 20, Mike's Top 10 & Mike's Top 5" list. Actually, since I've missed a couple of weeks, it was going to be "Mike's Top 40, Mike's Top 20 & Mike's Top 10".

But then my computer froze up right after I got all that damn information typed out. My computer hasn't worked quite right since then. But what's REALLY interesting is the fact that it works perfectly now. Presently, I'm sitting in Starbucks using the overpriced T-Mobile Hot Spot.

But you know what's been keeping me from having to come into Starbucks to use the internet? Free internet from my home. That's right, FREE.

Here's the kicker... I realized I had free internet service at my home quite by accident AND AFTER I signed up for a one year deal with T-Mobile to utilize their Hot Spot service (to the tune of $29.99 a month).

So what sucks is that because I'm in a one year contract with T-Mobile, I can't cancel it because of early termination fees. But it does come in handy as a back up when something happens with the free internet service I'm getting at my home.

Now, as you've probably guessed, my computer comes with a wireless card and can receive just about any wireless signal to get on the internet.

It turns out that one of my neighbors, I'm not sure who (I think it might be the house next door to mine), has a STRONG wireless signal coming from it that allows me to pipe in with my wireless card and use the internet.

However, sometimes my computer acts like it did on this past Sunday and Monday. I'm not sure if it's some kind of network issue that my computer is trying to join to and causing my computer to take a shit or what.

Then again, perhaps the people providing me with the free signal have caught onto the stranger leeching onto their service and have put some kind of firewalls in place to make my computer act funny.

But I've also noticed that this happens when the weather gets bad. Which it has been since late Sunday afternoon.

Whatever the cause, it drove me out of my home at 8 PM to Starbucks to use the internet because I'm a goddamn MySpace junkie.

Plus, I'm not much of a blogger when I'm in Starbucks because it's not the kind of environment that makes me open up as when I'm at home, you know. Well, I guess that depends on what kind of blog I'm writing.

For instance, obviously, I'm writing this one here just fine.

Anyway, yeah, the Distribution Center I'm working in is 1.2 million square feet. And, from what I could tell, they have about 500 (YES, FIVE HUNDRED) active docking garage doors. I might be wrong on that but as we toured the facility, that was the count on the actual doors I witness by the time we were done.

Basically, the place is HUGE. HUUUGGGGGGEEEEEEE. I can't even begin to describe to you how everything works but it's pretty damn incredible.

I also can't begin to tell you the amount of paperwork you have to fill out and videos you have to watch and computer based training you have to complete before you even start your job.

Of course, when I officially start my first shift on Saturday morning at 5 AM, I'll be getting an additional two weeks of on the job training.

There are 18 people in my orientation class. Nine of us will be working in the same department known as DA Unloader. If I remember correctly, "DA" stands for Distribution Assembly.

When I start my job, I'll give you a better idea of what I'll be doing. Basically I'll be unloading trucks of goods that get loaded onto other trucks. But I know there is much more detail to my job than that.

And if you think I'm going to be using a forklift all day, HELL NO! From what I could see during our tour, the trucks that are unloaded come in with product neatly stacked from floor to ceiling of an 18-wheeler tractor trailer.

You either unload it onto pallets or onto a conveyor belt. I'm really blank on the rest because we haven't been given any real details to our specific job duties. But I will say this, you have to work hard, fast and accurate.

By the way, you'll be happy to know I did record a new podcast on WildVoice.com that I was able to upload before my computer took a nap. So feel free to check it out. It's called "Mike hates Sundays".

OK, that's it from me for now. Hopefully the mysterious computer phantom at my home will be gone soon so I can feed my internet addiction. Not that I don't mind hanging out at Starbucks, drinking coffee and typing blogs.

It's just harder to get away with masturbating to porn in a public place.

-Mike The Janitor
©2006
Millenoma Publishing